The floor tilts, and I fall against the bulkhead as a wave splashes against the hull.
“Maybe it’s a good thing my parents didn’t live to find out that Courtney was mauled to death by a cougar,” Russell says, lifting a hand to his head. “I think I need to lie down, but one of us needs to keep watch for other boats.”
“I’ll go,” Beth volunteers.
Good, I think, relieved to have some distance from her. And Russell. For a few hours, at least.
Emma yawns, and I force myself to focus on helping her rather than the worst thing I’ve ever done. I shine my phone light on her face. “You need to stay awake and drink some more of this, okay? I’ll get you some more water and a clean blanket.” Fortunately, her vomit landed all on her comforter and didn’t seem to seep through to the sheets. “Russell, are there spare blankets onboard?”
“No, but you can use Nojan’s.”
Surprised he’s still speaking to me, I follow him and Beth out of Emma’s stateroom as Russell heads toward his room.
“Beth?” he calls when her flashlight reaches the top deck. “I’m going to try to rest, even though I’m not sure I can sleep. I’ll set an alarm on my watch for four hours. If you have trouble staying awake before then, just come wake me up to relieve you.”
“Okay.”
I avert my eyes, my disgust for her too great to even look in her direction, as I wait for Russell to come out of his room with the blanket for Emma. A few hours ago, it would’ve seemed unfathomable that Beth would catfish my husband and accuse me of murder. Has she secretlyhated me all these years? Why bother pretending to be my friend at all? I grab another bottle of water for Emma from the kitchen.
A minute later, Russell emerges from his stateroom. In the flashlight glow, his face is grim, almost sinister. I freeze, suddenly afraid he’s about to kill me. I step back as my gaze falls to his hands, expecting to see a knife or some other weapon. Instead, he folds Nojan’s blanket into my arms, laying his flashlight on top.
I gulp down a swallow. “Thanks.” I hear myself say.
He retreats to his room and closes the door, and I wonder how long it will be before he realizes I’ve taken his gun. Emma’s eyes are closed when I return to her room.
“Hey.” I place my hand on her shoulder. “Did you drink the energy drink?”
She opens her eyes. “Half of it.”
“Okay, good.” I hand her the water bottle. “Drink this while I change your bed.”
I roll up the vomit-stained comforter, wrinkling my nose at the smell, before tossing it onto the floor. Although, after fifteen years of nursing, I’ve smelled much worse.
“Emma,” I say as she takes a big drink. “Did you find Courtney’s diary in Russell’s room?”
She’s quiet for a moment, as if debating how to answer. “Yeah,” she finally says. “I fell asleep before I could finish the whole thing, but I read where Courtney admitted to being the one who spread Gigi’s shirtless photos around school, then I got to the part about the dish soap. How Courtney did it after you chickened out, then blackmailed you with the photo she’d taken. It was obvious that Courtney didn’t care about my broken ankle, and she was over the moon about getting to replace me as volleyball captain.” Emma peers up at me as I spread Nojan’s blanket out over her legs. “Look, it was twenty years ago. And I know how conniving Courtney could be. I forgive you.”
This is a side of Emma I haven’t seen before, and I wonder how much of it is the painkillers in her system. Nevertheless, I take her hand.
“Thank you. I’m so sorry. You never deserved that.”
“But still,” Emma adds, “I can’t believe you left Courtney to die like that.”
I lower my head, air leaving my lungs. “Sometimes I still can’t either. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could go back and try to save her. I was afraid. Iletthat cougar go after her by running away. After Beth nearly drowned, I convinced myself it was too late by that point to save Courtney, and I was scared that if I told the truth I could be facing manslaughter charges.”Because that’s what Beth made me believe.“I should’ve been truthful. It’s not fair that Courtney’s family has had to wonder what happened to her all these years.”
“Reading Courtney’s diary brought back how ... almost evil she could be. Ever since that trip, I’ve been angry at myself for exaggerating my knee injury, wondering if we would’ve found her if I’d helped look for Courtney rather than make Gigi come back to the rafts with me. Now, after reading how much Courtney enjoyed watching the torment we went through from things she’d done, I wonder if Courtney would’ve been happy at the way things turned out.”
I sit tall. “What do you mean?”Happy to be dead?
“Happy with how her disappearance ruined our lives and marred us forever. That we’ve all had to live with guilt over that trip. You and Beth lying about finding her, me faking my injury instead of looking for her, and Gigi pushing her from the raft. I think Courtney would’ve loved to see us all called murderers by reporters, and random strangers even.”
I swallow, thinking about the last time I saw Courtney. I move the flashlight onto the bed so Emma can’t see the guilt on my face.
“We’ll never get away from Courtney, or that trip. Ironically, I think it’s what she would’ve wanted.” Emma stretches her arm toward the skylight hatch. “The mystery of her death haunting us for the rest of our lives. I mean, look at usnow. Stranded in the Pacific, wondering which one of us will end up dead next.” She props herself up on her elbows. “Maybe it’s from reading her diary—or that note left in thebathroom—but it feels like Courtney’s here somehow.” Emma leans closer to me. “You don’t think she could be here, on this boat, do you?”
I recall the look on Courtney’s face when I found her that day in the woods. And how much I’d hated her in that moment. Courtney couldn’t have survived; I made sure of that for her by running away in silence while that cougar—
“Palmer?”
