Beth sets her half-full stemmed glass onto the coffee table with a clink. “After theTimesarticle ran, Julie Stevens—who cofounded Auspex with Courtney’s father—publicly withdrew her financial support to the university. Apparently, she was one of their most generous alumni supporters.” Beth flicks her hand through the air. “Anyway, one of the board members saw Gigi’s TikTok bragging about her luxury sailing trip to honor Courtney twenty years after her disappearance. They called an emergency meeting and insisted I go, afraid the university would lose more donors if I didn’t.” Beth purses her lips. “You can’t leave me alone on a boat with Emma and Gigi. Two weeks trapped with those divas? I’ll never survive. Besides, it would be good for you to get away.”
I’m not sure I can handle seeing them again. I take a long sip of my wine and set the glass on the coffee table beside Beth’s bare feet. I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to block out that horrible weekend and everything that happened after we came back without Courtney. What the media, Courtney’s parents, and the police accused us of. I rub a hand over my face and reach for my wineglass. It hits me again that Courtney’s parents died without knowing what happened to her, without really being able to say goodbye.
Beth twists on the couch to face me. “Look, I know Courtney was no saint, but she’s not here. I’m sure none of us like to think about what happened, but I think it might be ... nice that we can at least remember her by all getting together again. Courtney would’ve wanted that.”
I stare out the window at the swing set in my side yard that my girls no longer use. An image of Courtney at seventeen flashes in my mind. Her flaming red hair, big green eyes, and magnetic smile. She was so beautiful, so popular, and could make you feel on top of the world with her vivacious laugh. She was also the cruelest human being I’d ever met.
“I don’t know . . .”
“Didn’t you say your sister’s flying up from LA tomorrow? She can watch the girls. And you’re only part time, can’t you trade your next few shifts? Or call in sick. Tell them you have a family emergency, which you do.”
I shoot Beth a sideways glance, surprised at her suggestion. She’s always been a rule follower. Sometimes annoyingly so.
“I’m actually on leave at the moment.”
“What?Since when?”
My chest tightens as it strikes me that now that Matt has left, I’ll have to either start looking for a new job or go back to my current one. But after what happened, how will I even go back to nursing?
“Since I found the messages from Sydney on Matt’s phone.” It was also right after Gigi called about the trip. Even now, I’m not sure which event rattled me more. “I made a mistake at the hospital, a medication error. It could’ve been fatal if the night shift nurse hadn’t caught it.” I rest my palm on the top of my head, unable to meet Beth’s eyes as shame rises to the back of my throat. “I’ve never messed up like that before.” I close my eyes, painfully recalling the moment when I arrived for my next shift and walked past my patient’s empty room. When I asked if he’d been discharged early, I learned that I’d hung the wrong IV fluid, which lowered his sodium to a critically low level. He’d had a seizure and been moved to ICU—because of me.
I haven’t been that shaken since the day I was grilled by that detective about what happened to Courtney.
“I called out sick for my next two shifts, then was called in for a meeting with my manager. I told her about Matt’s affair, and she suggested I go on leave while I sorted out my personal life—and the hospital investigated my near-fatal error. After they determined it was my fault, I met with my manager again to review my mistake, and she cleared me to work again.
“Last night was supposed to be my first shift back, but when Matt never came home, I had no one to watch the girls, so I called in sick. Today I asked my manager to extend my leave, even though my sisteragreed to come stay for a few weeks.” I blink away the tears that blur my vision. “I’m terrified of making another mistake. I feel like I can’t trust myself.” An image of Courtney getting dragged down the Sol Duc River’s fast current floods my mind.
I don’t tell Beth that ever since Gigi’s phone call, my thoughts have been consumed with Courtney. Deep down, I know it wasn’t Matt’s affair that caused me to screw up at work.
Beth squeezes my hand. “You’re human. We all make mistakes sometimes. That doesn’t make you a bad nurse.”
“I could’vekilleda patient, Beth.”
“But you didn’t.”
I skirt my gaze away from Beth to the family photo on the wall, which jabs at my heart every time I look at it. At the sight of the twins’ sweet smiling faces, I inwardly curse Matt.How could he do this to me? To our girls?
Beth reaches out to take my hand. “Maybe this trip is what you need to put the past behind you. Your sister can stay with the girls. Youneedthis.”
I swallow the large lump that forms in my throat at my next thought.How the hell am I going to provide for them if I’m no longer capable of being a nurse?
She’s right. I need to get away. Clear my head and get myself together. Not just for me, but for the girls.
“All right, fine. I’ll go.”
Chapter Two
Present
Three days later, my Uber brakes to a stop at the entrance to Elliott Bay Marina.
Biting my lip, I glance at the gleaming Puget Sound beyond the village of yachts and sailboats moored at the marina. I pull out my phone and text my sister, grasping for an excuse not to go.
Are you sure you’ll be okay with the girls? Two weeks is a long time.
When I don’t get out, the driver glances over his shoulder. “We’re here.”
My phone chimes. I look down at Kate’s reply.I’m sure! You need this. Have a great trip. We will beFine. Xo
