They’d all come here today. Even though two people could have picked up all the gear, they’d all come out in the cold to do it.
“Should we not at least play Christmas Eve?” I asked.
“Or we could spend Christmas Eve with our families,” Shanny said.
But she’d always meant to play Christmas Eve. She played it every year. And she’d always shown up to practices and shows, always helped pack up even though she’d miss bedtime with her kids again. And Rooster, even though she had this new relationship, this big love, so distracting, she still put in the time. Suzy worked all day at her regular job, total pro, then put on cat ears. Thursday mornings must have been rough for her, all this time. And Lourey. Lourey could have done anything she wanted to do, but she’d done this. Every Wednesday, nudging me toward something that mattered, something better.
“I think…”
They all waited.
“I want to spend Christmas Eve with my family,” I said. “I think that might be you? My family? I just don’t know how to be in one.”
Shanny, Suzy, and Rooster all waited to see what Lourey would say.
“Ghosting us, forgetting we exist, treating us like accessories,” Lourey said, ticking them off on her fingers. “I guess that does sound like family, sometimes.”
“Andveryrock ’n’ roll,” Shanny said.
“One more show, though,” Lourey said. “What’s the point?”
“Bern will be there,” I said. “He wants to hear an original.”
“Itoldyou,” Lourey said.
“I know. You were right, okay?” I took a deep breath. “I was… No, Iam,amscared. Of this. Of trying to do the one thing I love, like really trying. And failing, you know?” Rooster nodded. “It’s the only thing I’m even a little good at. What if I really put myself out there, like, my real self, and people would rather I was Patsy Cline? If I can’t do this, I… I don’t know. I don’t know who I’ll be.”
We all stood still. The only movement were dust motes catching light from the high glass-brick window.
“Oh, Doll,” Shanny said.
“I get that,” Suzy said. “We all get that. Right?”
“Doll,” Lourey said. “You complete twit. Being yourself has to be easier than trying to be Patsy Cline.”
“She’sdead, dude,” Rooster said.
“And someone already did it,” Shanny said.
“But no one’s ever been Doll Devine before,” Suzy said.
“And as for whether or not you can do this,” Lourey said, “you’re already doing this.We.We are already doing this.”
“But—”
“I know what you mean. If we’re going to make records and go on tour and shoot out the moon, right? But if we have any chance atthat, we have to dothis, here. The work. Day in, day out.”
“Respecting the process,” Shanny said.
“And each other,” Suzy said.
“And then maybe it’s this guy… Bernie?” Lourey said. “Maybe it’s him who takes us to the next level. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe we never shoot out anything. Does that mean you don’t want to try? If you can’tsell it, you don’t want to sing it? Forgive me for saying so, but I don’t believe you could shut up to save your life.”
She was laughing by the end of this, and so was I.
“So…” Rooster said.
“One more show?” Suzy said hopefully.
