“What do you think I’m doing? I’m getting started on the project. I can’t waste any time. I have a lot of ground to cover.”
I kiss his forehead so many times my eyes cross from focusing so hard and my lips tingle. I don’t roll off until I’ve achieved my goal, and Connor is convulsing with giggles.
When he calms down, I pull the covers over both of us, and he leans over to turn the light out.
Our hands and feet find each other in the dark. Warm beacons that home in on each other. The events of the day drift and land. Drift and land. For an insane second, I feel like the day isn’tover. I feel that there’s still something I need to do. Something I should do. Something I always look forward to doing when good things happen to me.
The weight of the world collapses, splintering and breaking into big pieces that crash down on me as I realize that what I want to do, the thing I’m looking forward to, is calling Havi to tell him how happy I am.
47
Lennon
“Where’dyougo?”Igrumble when the mattress dips under Connor’s weight.
“Had to see about the sun,” he says.
I scramble onto an elbow. “You went without me?”
He nuzzles his face into my neck and kisses a path along my jaw up to my temple. “I tried to wake you, but you were out like a light.”
No surprise there. I slept badly. I took ages to fall asleep, and I kept waking throughout the night. I’m tired and foggy this morning, but talk of the sun has buoyed me. “How was it?” I ask, positive that I know what his answer will be.
“Amazing,” he sighs. “Second-best one ever.”
“Secondbest?”
“Yeah. Of course.” He nudges his shoulder against mine. “No sunrise will ever top that first-kiss one.”
Oh God. He’s incredible. He’s completely adorable. Seriously, he’s so adorable when I see him, all fresh and dewy from beingoutside, hair all messed up, and eyes so lovely and kind, all I can think ishow are you real?
“Is that right, huh?”
“Yeah.” He nods and sighs wistfully. “Nothing could top that sunrise.”
“Nothing? That sounds like a challenge to me.”
“Good luck with that. There’s no way you can top it.”
It’s early, and I haven’t had coffee yet, but I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge. “Hmm… What about if I take you up to the roof one morning, bend you over the railing, and fuck you like I did last night?”
His cheek quirks as he pretends to give the matter serious thought. “Just fucking, or ass-eating too?”
I shrug broadly. “Sure. I’ll throw in some ass-eating if you think it’ll crank the sunrise up from second best to best ever. Why not?” I reach around him and grope a juicy ass cheek. “I love this ass. Fuck.” I grope him again. “I think I might be obsessed with this ass.” I pull him on top of me and grind against him, mashing soft flesh in my hands. He leans down and kisses me, offering me no more than the tip of his tongue to suck on. It turns me on hard and fast. “Obsessed,” I groan as he deepens his kiss. “Obsessed, obsessed,obsessed.”
He laughs when he comes up for air, and I take his head in both hands, holding him still. I look at his face. His lovely face. His unforgettable face, and my filter slips. There’s a shift, subtle yet noticeable. Before I speak, we both know I’m not talking about his ass or his body anymore. “I’m obsessed with you, Con.”
The way he smiles is unexpected. It’s like he’s seeing the part of me I’ve been hiding from him, and he isn’t surprised to see it. It’s almost like he was expecting it. Like he knows who I am, not just who I want him to think I am. It’s almost certainly wishful thinking, and I need to remember that.
“You think you’re the only one who’s obsessed?”
48
Lennon
Silly,secretsmilesmorphinto laughter. Loud, guttural bursts of joy bleed into each other, again and again, mingling into a soundtrack that’s accompanied by dancing blue-green irises, galaxies of freckles, and the dip of the sweetest dimple I’ve ever seen. Days blur into each other and turn into weeks. Halloween decorations go up and come down, and are replaced with Thanksgiving décor, and then Christmas wreaths.
In the daytime, when it’s light and I’m with Connor or thinking about him, everything is great. It’s wonderful. It’s perfect. Life is so good that the other day, Blake glared at me with disgust and sneered, “You look happier.”
