I look at Connor and see him lying on his back. His chest is heaving, a jerky up-and-down motion filling and emptying his lungs. His eyes are closed, and his jaw is slightly slack. He looks like he’s been demolished, but somehow, he looks peaceful as well.
He senses me looking at him, and his eyelids flutter and open. Saltwater pools find me and invite me in. Tiny striations glitter and light up, sending signals straight to my heart. His eyes are so warm and inviting that I have no choice but to dive in.
“What have you done to me, Connor?” I whisper.
He smiles and his eyes slide shut slowly. “I don’t know, but whatever it is, you did it to me first.”
44
Lennon
Mylifeisadream. A sleepwalking, daylight, lucid dream. A hazy vision that I move through with no hesitation. I’m underwater, but it’s nice. I like it here. The only two people who exist are Connor and me. Just us.
Just the apartment when we’re home.
Just the grocery store when we go shopping.
I’m aware that other things still exist, but dimly so. They’re there, but they’re far away and don’t bother me anymore. Not even work bothers me anymore. I experience it, but only in a way that’s relevant to Connor. Only in a way that has me noticing things I can tell him about when I get home.
It’s the team-building event this week, and honestly, I’m not even bothered about that. I’ve dreaded it for so long, and Blake and I have got it postponed so many times that the last time we tried, Anna’s face went blood red, and Bev gave Blake and me a warning look.
“I’m going to go ahead and lock this date in,” Anna said with a little twitch of her head.
Neither Blake nor I have had the balls to push back on it again.
Now that the dastardly event is finally happening, I’m pretty chill about it. Yesterday, in our team meeting, I asked Bev if I could bring Connor along, and she said, “Sure, hun, I’m bringing Mal, so you bring whoever you want.”
Anna’s eyes bulged worryingly, and she started jabbing furiously on her phone. She looked really mad about the change in the number of attendees until after the meeting, when I pointed out to her that if Bev is paired up with Mal, and I’m paired up with Connor, she and Blake will have to pair up.
After that, she cheered right up.
So, I guess all’s well that ends well. Yes, I’m going to a team-building event, and yes, that’s not something I ever thought I’d be okay with, but Connor’s coming too.
When I think about it, it might not be that bad. It might actually be fun.
Okay. It turns out my optimism was grossly misplaced. We just got to the bowling alley, and the loud music and bright flashing lights have hit me like a wall. The staff here is made up of exactly two kinds of people. Those who passionately hate customer service, and those who believe their treatment of patrons has the potential to convert them into bowling fanatics for life, and that’s something they want to be part of. Badly. The patrons are as bad as the staff. They’re all either toxically competitive andfailing to hide it, or they’re skittish, with a glazed look ofhow the fuck did I get here?
It’s hard to say which of those personality types I dislike more.
Everyone here, the staff and the patrons, has this angst-inducing reverence directed at the bowling lanes. They’re shiny as shit and look more like a death trap than a good time.
I’ve only been here for a few minutes, but that’s all it’s taken for me to remember that I passionately hate organized sports, seeing colleagues outside of work hours, and activities that require me to feign enthusiasm.
There’s a jubilant greeting when Connor and I arrive, headed up by Anna, of course. Those of us who have rented shoes shuffle to our table and wrestle with laces that have been tied too tightly as we shove our feet into uncomfortable shoes that have been worn by other people, while attempting not to think about how much they perspired when they wore them.
“Are we having a good time or what?” trills Anna, looking directly at me.
“I didn’t know there’d be team shirts,” I say regretfully.
She swats me playfully on the arm. “Oh you.”
She’s wearing a high ponytail, ripped ankle-biter jeans, and a pair of black-and-white bowling shoes that she owns. I realize now that owning bowling shoes instead of renting is a massive red flag in a person.
Anyway, say what you will about Anna, but she knows how to dress for her body type. This sassy, sporty look suits her so well that Blake puts his new bowling shirt on inside out.
Fortunately, she’s on hand to help him rectify the situation.
His shirt is black with pink piping. Anna’s is pink with black piping. If forced to guess, I’d say she’s playing with a Grease theme for the two of them. Something that’s quickly confirmed when she names their teamHopelessly Devoted. Blake goesalong with it, but I can tell he’s going to be super embarrassed by his behavior later.
