We pass the bottle back and forth a few more times, until I’m relaxed and languid, feeling the warmth of the wine settle in my stomach.
I lean back against the wall of the house and shake my head. “I used to be bored with life,” I admit as I look around the frosty walls. “Now I wish that all this danger and uncertainty would go away. To feel bored again would be a gift.”
“Life has a way of teaching us things.”
I nod at that as I glance up at the ice ceiling, watching snow land upon it like icing sugar. Dommik cleans up the food and then sits next to me, putting his arm behind my back and letting me tuck into his side. My heart squeezes in my chest.
“What has life taught you?” I ask, lifting my head to study his handsome face. The strong cut of his jaw, the patches of light skin around his mouth and nose, his black beard trimmed against his chin, and his hair gathered at his nape. I itch to trail my hand over his features and turn his face so I can look at his dark eyes and count the light flecks in them.
He lets out a huffing laugh. “Where do I even start?” he says. “I’ve learned a lot of things. But I believe it just taught me one of the most valuable lessons of all.”
“Which is?”
“That one kill can actually lead to life,” he answers, looking down at me with a weightiness to his words and a significance to his gaze. When he lifts his hand to grip my neck and drag athumb along my jaw, I can’t quite breathe, because I’m hanging on each low word he speaks and every inch of his touch. “And that something that seems so cold can actually be the warmest thing you’ll ever feel.”
I swallow hard and lean in closer, as if seeking more of him.
“What has life taught you, Malina?” he asks, and my chest constricts at the sound of him rumbling my name.
“Painful things and hard lessons,” I answer honestly. “Everything I didn’t want but desperately needed.”
“You’re a different woman than you were in that gilded castle.”
“I certainly hope so.” My answer is quiet, because inside, it holds a fear. One that rolls right off my loosened tongue. “But I’m afraid that it’s not true.”
Dommik frowns down at me. “Why would you think that?”
“What if I only think I’ve become a better person?” I ask shakily. “What if I find myself months, years from now, sitting in some lavish room in some pretty life, and as soon as I have that back,Ialso go back? Back to behaving and thinking the same way as before. Perhaps I’m still a nasty, bitter woman with a cold heart, and all of this is only because of fear and desperation.”
He’s quiet for a moment, his hand moving up to grip a part of my hair and rub the white strands together. “There could’ve been a chance for that, sure. That once the danger is gone, you’d revert to the way you were before. But I know you won’t. I know you’ve truly changed from how you were before—do you know how?”
“How?”
“Because you chose to leave…and then stay, and leave, and then stay again.”
I frown at him in confusion, and he starts counting on his fingers. “Leave: you begged me to help get you out of Seventh soyou could warn your people. Stay: you chose to stay in Highbell even when it was under attack, even when it seemed like all was lost. Leave: you chose to leave Highbell again, once it was secure and your people were safe inside the castle, so you could come here…” He holds up a fourth finger. “And stay, because you’rehere. Choosing to remain at the bridge, doing everything you can to protect this world even under great threat to yourself.”
My heart pounds with his words, and he drops his hand to press it over the organ, as if he can feel its pulse. “Your heart has changed. Bit by bit. The Cold Queen isn’t so cold anymore.”
His words leave me trembling, but then I let out a confession that feels like it’s been scraped raw from my depths. “I don’twantto be cold anymore, Dommik.”
His eyes soften. “I know.”
He shocks me by gently shifting me, arms picking me up and then settling me down until I’m lying on my back while he braces himself over me.
My breath catches. “What are you doing?”
“I’m kissing you properly, Queenie. The way you should’ve been kissed and adored before shitty men came into your life and took you for granted. Took you fortheiradvantage. Took and took until you felt like you had to be cold to protect that shattered warmth.”
Tears spring to my eyes and flake off against my cheeks.
“May I have permission to kiss you, Malina?”
His formal question makes my chest squeeze. “Yes,” I say quietly.
Dommik lowers his lips to mine, and my eyes flutter closed with the gentleness of his kiss. We’ve had stolen moments. A quick thrill. Bodies netting together in a frenzied pull of lust.
This is different.
