And yet, Ialmostwant to blurt it out. To say what I haven’t said. To shrug off the weight of my secrets. Just to surprise him—to puthimon his back foot and catch him off guard.
It’s tempting, like the way firelight must tempt the moth. The promise of light draws me in, but I know that if I open my mouth, the truth will burn me up.
I clamp my lips shut.
Rip smirks and leans back, a victorious opponent sitting smugly across from me. I hate him, and yet somehow, I hate myself just a little bit more.
“Thank you for dinner,” I say evenly as I get to my feet, all emotion drained out of my voice.
I’m suddenly exhausted and bent. A blade of grass trampled beneath stomping feet.
Osrik moves to get up, the silent observer of the room, but I look at him dismissively. “Don’t worry, I’ll find my own way back to my kennel. That’s what a good pet does, right?” I taunt.
I turn and walk out without waiting for the commander to dismiss me, without even getting his permission. But thankfully, he doesn’t stop me, and Osrik doesn’t follow.
For now, my unpalatable truths are still sitting safely on the back of my tongue, everlasting with their bittersweet bite.
Chapter 14
AUREN
Hood up, hands tucked intopockets, I observe the soldiers from the nook I found—a shallow notch in the blue iced cave, just big enough for me to sit in.
The spot is perfect for me to keep isolated, while close enough that I can see the bonfire built into the middle of the hollow hill.
The icicles on the ceiling are dripping from the heat of the flames. Puddles have collected on the ground, but no one seems to mind. They’re too happy to be out of the snow.
The savory smell coming from the spit turning over the fire tells me that somehow, they managed to find fresh meat out in this frozen wasteland. My mouth waters at the scent, but that won’t tempt me to go closer. I’ll have to be satisfied with the soup and bread I got.
Bright side, at least I ate before I stormed out. Next time, I’ll make sure to stay until I’ve had the wine too.
I stay pressed against the sleek ice wall as I watch everyone. I can’t help but be curious about them, to look for their faults, to study their interactions. For all Rip’s bluster about trusting his soldiers, I like to see them for myself. I also like to do it from afar.
I suppose it’s not unusual, after being kept mostly isolated for so many years. For the most part, I still crave interaction with people, despite my unfortunate history. But sometimes, being around so many without the protection of my cage lights me up with sparking nerves. You can’t trust people.
Especially a crowd of them. And this crowd? They’re supposed to be the evilest, the deadliest.
But the more I watch them, the more I realize that they simply don’t fit that narrative. They aren’t a bloodthirsty group with rotted hearts and corrupted morals. They’re just people. They’re an enemy army, yes, but they aren’t monstrous. Not that I’ve seen, at least.
And Rip…
I close my eyes, hugging my knees against my chest. I wish I could say that I do it to keep myself warm, but the real reason is that I’m clutching onto me, trying to keep myself together.
The moment Commander Rip stepped onto that pirate ship and into my life, my world tilted on its axis. Every time we interact, that axis dips just a little bit more.
Rip is smart. These little talks between us are meant to throw me off. He’s manipulating me, trying to turn me against Midas.
I know what he’s doing, and yet, I can’t stop the doubt he’s casting. Like shadows over the ground, it will spread and grow unless I block it out.
Right now, I’m jumbled. Torn. A mess of thoughts and emotions, of doubts and complications. This is probably exactly what Rip wants, and I’m playing right into his hands by letting my mind spin in agonizing circles.
I sit for a few minutes more, just until I can finally inhale without my breath shaking. Just until I can give myself a pep talk to remind myself to stay on guard and not let my walls drop.
Above me, the snow begins to fall harder, the flakes as thick as fingernails scratching across a starless sky.
Casting one more look across the gathered soldiers, I crawl out of my hideaway spot. I tug my coat close around me, burying my hands under my arms. My ribs ache a little, and my cheek still feels a bit swollen, but the cold is good for one thing at least, because for the most part, I’m numb.
But then again, maybe that has nothing to do with the cold.
