While she was held against the wall and mutilated.
And yet, she came down from that mezzanine, she fought her way through a crowd, and she stood in front ofmeto face Midas, claiming me in front of everyone, looking like she was ready to fight the world in order to protect me.
And I…
I wasn’t fucking there.
CHAPTER 28
AUREN
I sit here, a thicklayer of a coat beneath me, gloomy daylight filtering in behind, and all I can do is stare at the male in front of me.
If anguish was a person, it would be him.
He shoves a hand through his hair, grip tugging at the black strands while his face is twisted in a pained expression.
I wasn’t fucking there.
Just the way he said it, I could tell it had been beating inside his skull with raised fists, reverberating in his mind over and over again like a malicious echo.
I can’t help but drop my gaze to where the spikes on his arms have ripped through his skin, making him bleed. I’ve never seen that happen any of the other times he transformed. But I can also tell this wasn’t just a normal transformation. When he was listening to my account of what happened, his spikes tore out of him in a violent burst. Whatever magic is associated with his usually harmless metamorphosis couldn’t keep up with his furious emotions.
But seeing this side of him—seeing Rip—it makes me let out a shuddering breath. Because even though he’s still him no matter what form he’s in, I somehowmissedhim. This is the version of him that I knew first. The version of him that I trusted and pined for.
Tortured black eyes lift to me, and I shiver at the sight of his aura pulsing around his body. It’s moving like aggravated shadows, an overcast of dense torment. But it’s not a falsehood. It’s not a maneuver or a tactic. He’s not doing it with purpose or to manipulate my emotions. In fact, he’s trying very hardnotto show emotion.
Seeing him like this makes me wonder how I ever looked at Midas and believed a damn word he said. If Midas ever showed any emotion other than anger, he did it as a scheme.
“An apology is an insulting, shallow word,” Slade forces out. “I hate that all I have to offer you is a cheap word.Sorryis inadequate.” He shakes his head, his shoulders tense, though I doubt it has anything to do with the spikes that tore from his back. “I failed you so utterly. You should loathe me for it. You should never be expected to forgive me for that. But I’m a selfish piece of shit, because I will try to earn your forgiveness anyway.”
Earn it. Not ask for me to give it.
This is so incredibly foreign and bewildering.
“Rip—”
“If I had doneanythingdifferently, things could’ve been avoided. I should’ve known something was wrong when Midas headed me off. I should’ve gone straight to your room afterward to check on you. Should’ve never let you leave the camp in the first place. I should’ve found you in that holding cell and saved you before he could hurt you.”
“But, Rip—”
“I should have rotted that entire Divine-damned ballroom right there on the spot, consequences be damned, because I let him fuckinghurtyou. I just stood there. I just stood there while he threatened to kill you. You should fucking hate me forever, blame me, because I failed—”
“Rip!” My voice lashes out like a whip, cutting off his tangent. He startles, black eyes snapping to me. When I’m sure I have his full attention, I say, “I don’t want that.”
He shakes his head, his jaw working. “I know you didn’t want me to rot everyone. Even after everything you went through, you still came down to protectme.” He scoffs in disgust with himself, as if he didn’t deserve that.
“That’s not what I mean. I’mgladyou didn’t intervene.”
He rears back as if I’ve shocked him. “What?”
My nod is slow, but definitive. “I’m glad you didn’t.”
Confusion mottles his features. “How could younothave wanted me to intervene? I failed you—”
“No, you see? The problem was that I have been failing myself.”
His lips press together, and a heavy silence drops between us. I let my finger drag across the cave floor.
