She offered a wan smile. “Which is more than her own father ever did.”
“And I keep saying most men aren’t like him.”
“So I’m beginning to see.” Nicky sighed as she sank into the water up to her earlobes and leaned her head back. “Guess I might not be starting the new job tomorrow after all, which will most likely mean I’ll be on the hunt again because I doubt they’ll be understanding if I miss my first shift.”
“Maybe it’s for the best.”
“How so?” She frowned in my direction. “I need to work if I’m going to be able to afford a place to live.”
“I’ve told you, no rush.”
“I can’t live off your charity forever.”
I almost blurted, “Why not,” only that sounded a little too much like commitment. “Just saying you don’t have to worry. If the kid is sick, then she’s your first priority.”
“Obviously.” She paused before saying, “Do you have kids?”
“Nope.”
“You should. You’re good with Zaza.”
“Only because she’s an awesome kid. There was a time I thought I’d have an ankle biter or two of my own, but that’s not happening anymore.”
“Why not? You’re still young enough.”
Might as well let her know how damaged I was. “I got wounded when I was deployed and while they managed to save my, uh”—I paused, looking for a word less crass than cock—“shaft, the trauma to my, uh, other parts made me infertile.”
Her lips twisted down. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. So was I, because it turned out to be a deal breaker with my ex-wife.” Only the partial truth. My being sterile was only one of the reasons Elodie walked out.
“She left you because of an injury?” Nicky sat up straight in shock.
“Among other things,” I admitted. “But it certainly played a huge factor. We’d held off on the kid thing until I reached a place in my career where I wouldn’t be deployed six months out of the year. Then I got injured and a kid was the last thing I wanted to think about. Problem was, she could hear the ticking of her biological clock and when she realized I didn’t know when I’d be ready to have a baby, she called it quits with me. Can’t blame her. Why saddle herself with a broken man who can’t give her what she wants?"
"Broken?” Nicky huffed. “If she wanted a child that bad, there were other options. Adoption. Insemination from a donor.”
“Yeah, well, she chose option number three. New husband. Even more ironic, they met because of me.”
“You mentioned he was your therapist?”
“He was. They met during our couples counseling.” I couldn’t help a wry smile. “How’s that for fucked? The guy who was supposed to save our marriage ended it.”
“He should have his license revoked,” was Nicky’s vehement reply.
“It was for the best. I wasn’t the same man, and now Elodie has what she wanted, a husband who’s home seven days a week and a baby, with another on the way.” For the first time I didn’t feel the rage or sadness at knowing Elodie lived the life we’d planned together with another man.
“For all his faults, Joseph didn’t divorce me when my last miscarriage made it impossible for me to get pregnant again.” She dropped the news casually.
“Oh shit. You can’t have more kids?”
She shook her head and uttered a derisive laugh. “He used to tell me I was lucky he kept me around, seeing as how I was defective. Of course, the fact he was the reason I had the miscarriage in the first place escaped him.”
“Fucking hell,” I breathed.
“Do you know what was worse than him making me barren? The fact he didn’t discard me. This will sound awful, but when the doctor told me I’d never have another kid, I remember thinking, I’ll finally be set free. You see, Joseph always wanted a lot of kids, but apparently, he didn’t care if they were born in wedlock.”
“Geezus fucking Christ. He was cheating on you, too?”
