The room has been painted a cream color and there are sheer purple curtains hanging from the side walls and ceiling. On the wall opposite her door, the window is covered with a curtain as well and it’s framed with shelves that hold greenery, candles, and lamps. There are string lights hanging throughout and it looks amazing.
Yoga mats and meditation cushions are scattered expertly throughout the space with the extras lined perfectly in a storage cubby in the corner of the room.
The room, tranquil in every sense, exudes calm with its soft lighting and open space.
“Wow, Sadie. This looks incredible.”
Sophia, feeling right at home, releases my hand and makes herself comfortable on a yoga mat next to the fake tree near the window.
“Thanks. I forgot you haven’t been back here since our first meeting. I wanted to make it a space where the team could come and meditate whenever they want. I think it turned out pretty great.”
Sadie does a slow spin, taking in her hard work. I do the same, extremely impressed with how perfect the space looks and feels.
“It’s really amazing, Sadie. My mom is an interior designer so I kind of know what I’m talking about. She would love this space. You should be proud.”
I don’t miss the small smile that splits across her face before she starts chewing on the inside of her cheek. Almost as if she’s not used to compliments.
“Thanks, Niko.”
Sadie turns her attention to Sophia who is now holding and squeezing what looks to be a goat-shaped stress ball. Sadie grabs a meditation cushion from the floor next to her and sits across from Sophia. I follow suit and take a seat next to Sophia.
“All right, kiddo. Now that we’re alone, do you think you can tell me what you and Sadie talked about today that was so important?”
I don’t miss how Sophia squeezes the stress ball extra tight. I also don’t miss how she looks to Sadie for reassurance before looking at me. She breathes in and out before speaking. “Daddy. Sometimes I feel really sad.”
The way my heart clenches at her words nearly kills me, but I keep a neutral face, not wanting Sophia to see how much her words affect me. I need to be strong for her.
“That’s okay, honey. Sometimes I feel really sad too.”
Sophia’s eyes grow wide. “You do?”
“Of course I do, baby. Everyone feels sad sometimes.” I squeeze her hand and lift it to my mouth to give it a kiss.
Sophia seems to ponder my comment for a beat before talking again. “But I never see you cry. And I don’t want to make you sad if I’m sad. So sometimes I hide it.”
My poor baby.
I look to Sadie and she’s looking at Sophia. But I’m shocked to see that instead of looking sad—which is exactly how I feel—Sadie looks proud. Sadie must feel my eyes on her because she looks at me and nods toward Sophia.
Looking back at Sophia, I see her waiting for me to respond. I’m not exactly sure what to say, though. I don’t want to make Sophia feel bad for hiding it from me, but I also want to encourage her to talk to me. I want her to feel safe with me the way she felt safe enough with Sadie to tell her.
Sadie must sense my hesitation because she jumps in.
“I’m so proud of you for being honest with your dad, Sophia. That was really brave of you. Do you think you can tell your dad why you feel sad sometimes? I bet he’d like to know.”
I squeeze Sophia’s hand again. Taking a page out of Sadie’s book, I let Sophia know I’m here but give her the choice to tell me or not. “Sadie is right. I’d really like to know why you get sad, so maybe I could help you next time. If that’s okay with you?”
Sophia’s eyes bounce between me and Sadie. Out of the corner of my eye I see Sadie give Sophia a small nod and then Sophia looks back to me.
“Sometimes, I wonder why Mommy doesn’t love me like you and the rest of the Bobcats do.”
If I thought my heart was broken before, it’s absolutely fucking shattered now.
Fucking Claire.
All I want to do is wrap my daughter in a hug and never let go. But not wanting to push her too far after she justconfessed so much to me, I ask first. “Can I give you a hug, Sophia?”
She nods once, and it’s all the permission I need. I wrap her up and hold her in my arms, hoping she can feel just how much I love her right now.
