“I know, I know. I’m doing the best I can. But some days I feel like I’m failing her just as much as Claire is.” I rest my elbows on the countertop and hang my head.
I am so fucking tired.
Sophia’s roller coaster of emotions takes me on a wild ride of my own. There is nothing worse than seeing your child’s heart break right in front of you. If I could wrap her up and steal away her pain, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But some days, no matter what I do, she’s just so sad. It fucking kills me.
I feel my mom’s hand on my shoulder again and turn my head to look at her.
“You’re an amazing father, Niko. The fact that you’re worrying yourself sick is proof of that. Anyone who knows you can feel your love for Sophia as soon as they step into the same room as you two.” She pauses to let her words sink in before continuing. “I think we need to create some stability in her life. Her nannies coming and going is probably reminding her of her mom. I want to help with this. If you won’t allow your father and me to watch her, at least let me help you find someone. Let me help you.”
I’ve never been good at accepting help. I’m pretty surethat’s why this nanny search has been so difficult for me. No one will ever be good enough. And on top of that, I don’ttrustanyone.
But my mom’s right. My hectic work schedule, traveling for days at a time, just adds to the chaos of Sophia’s life. I need to find someone who will stick around and be a constant in her life when my job won’t allow me to be.
“Okay, Mom. You can help.”
She smiles at me. Tiny footsteps on the hardwood floor have us both looking over my shoulder to see Sophia making her way into the kitchen.
“Mummo!” Sophia runs over to my mom and climbs into her lap. She snuggles into my mom’s shoulder, appearing to be completely fine after her meltdown and a little break in her room.
Such a fucking roller coaster.
It would be so easy to allow my parents to care for Sophia. But my parents have been through enough.
My dad got sick a couple years back and it rocked our world. Thankfully, he’s healthy now but he’s never been quite the same. After his prostatectomy, it took him a little over two months to make a full recovery, but he was able to return to work. Both he and my mom owned their own businesses, my mother running an interior design business and my dad operating an architectural firm. They’ve had the luxury of being their own bosses which has made it possible for them to help out with Sophia.
They both decided it was time to retire at the end of last year, and insist on helping out with Sophia. I will never be able to thank them enough for their help, but the guilt of keeping them here in Green Bay instead of traveling like they always said they would after retirement is eating me alive. They’ve done so much for me, and I don’t want to hold them back anymore.
My mom takes Sophia into the living room at the sametime my phone buzzes on the island in front of me. Grabbing my phone, I see it’s a text from the group chat I have with some of the guys on the team.
Jefferson
Boys… I never thought I’d say this but…
Connor
You’re leaving the team to follow your dream of being on Broadway?
Mack Attack
You’d make a great Elphaba, I’m not gonna lie.
Snickering, I picture Jefferson as Elphaba fromWicked,and our goalie, Mack, isn’t wrong. Jefferson really could pull that off. My phone vibrates in my hand, and Jefferson’s message causes my eyes to go wide, rereading his text to make sure I read it right.
Jefferson
I really would make a fabulous Elphaba, but no. I never thought I’d be a yoga person, but I’m a changed man. Sadie has magical powers. I think I’m in love.
His message has me gritting my teeth and standing before I even know what I’m doing. Another text comes through as I’m grabbing my keys off the counter.
Mack Attack
Dude. Sadie could ask me to shave my head and I’d listen as long as she was standing in front of me in those yoga pants she wears. And did you guys see her last night in that crop top thing? That woman is a goddess.
Connor
Uh oh…
Mack Attack
