Sophia’s sobs echo in my head. I shake away the painful memory and try to focus on the task at hand. Packing. God, how I loathe packing. My flight leaves today, I booked the last flight out of Green Bay later tonight.
I’m packing up the gifts Niko gave me on my first day, my heart aching as I wrap them all up and shove them into a box. How can the same man who was so thoughtful buying me this lavender plant and sage, be the same person who told me to leave?
There’s a small knock on my apartment door, and I put the salt lamp Niko got me down on the floor next to the box.
I jog to my door and am surprised when I see Niko standing there with a small box in his hand.
“Can I come in?”
We haven’t spent much time together since I broke the news to Sophia. He’s been around but he’s given Sophia and I some space while we soaked up the last few days together. She’s still upset about me leaving, but I promised to video call with her a couple times a week.
I wish I could say Niko wanted to keep in touch with me, but he’s been quiet. I want to shake him and force him to talk to me. But that gnawing feeling of not being enough for him keeps eating away at me. As much as I’ve enjoyed spending time with Sophia, I wanted to spend time with him too before I leave, no matter how hard it might’ve been. I miss him already and I haven’t even left yet.
“Sure, I’m just finishing up packing.”
He walks in front of me, and I follow him into the small dining space where he sets the box on the round table. When he turns around to face me, I can’t help but notice how terrible he looks. The beard he was growing for playoffs is still on his face, much too overgrown at this point. His hair is unkempt, his clothes wrinkled. Helooksdistraught, like me leaving is impacting him, but his words and actions have said otherwise. As frustrated as I am with him, seeing him like this hurts.
“I know I fucked this up. I should’ve been spending every waking minute with you before you left but I didn’t know what to do.”
His words take me by surprise. My jaw drops and I quickly close my mouth, trying to figure out what to say.
“I don’t know what to say, Niko.”
He takes a step toward me and grabs my hands with his. “I’m sorry, Sadie. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I should’ve told you that. I want you to go out to Denver and have the time of your life, but I don’t want you to go without knowing something first.”
My throat is tight so it’s barely a whisper when I get the word out. “What?”
Niko brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing my palm the way he once did, tender and soft. My eyes sting but I blink away the emotion.
“I told you before you’d always have a place here, and that will never change. Whatever happens next, I need you to know that.”
My words fail me, so I simply nod. He lets go of my hands and cups my face. Slowly, he leans down and kisses my forehead. “Go be great,Kulta. And don’t open that box until you get to the airport.”
And then he walks out of the apartment.
There’s a few things I need to grab at my office to take with me to Denver tonight. I said goodbye to Sophia earlier before she left to spend the day with her grandparents. Niko has to be at the rink today for exit interviews and to pack up his stuff for the summer. Most guys on the team spend their summers elsewhere, having houses in their hometown or home country, so most of the Bobcats will be at the rink too.
I could’ve asked Niko for a ride with him to the arena, but it would’ve been too fucking hard to sit with him in his car and act like I’m okay.
Because I’m not. The dream job means nothing to me if I have no one to share it with.
Once Niko takes off for the rink, I sneak into his house. Ellie’s words have been haunting me ever since I left her house.“Tell him how you feel. Don’t get on a plane to Denver without at least doing that. You’ll never forgive yourself if you do.”There’s so much I wanted to say but didn’t get the chance to. This may not be what Ellie meant, but I grab a pen and paper and write Niko a note. Folding it in half, I leave it on the counter before heading to the arena.
My Uber drops me off at the rink entrance, and I take a moment to compose myself before walking in. I didn’t want to drive the Subaru because no one would be able to drive it back to Niko’s, but I sure wish I had it right now. I’d love to blast some Andra Day right now to get me through saying goodbye to my friends.
It’s not goodbye forever. It’s goodbye for now.I repeat the words over and over in my head, but I still don’t believe them.
Finally, I step into the rink.
Hunter is waiting for me in the lobby, a coffee from Goldcoast in hand. “I got your favorite.”
He hands me my coffee, and I loop my arm through his and lean into his shoulder. “I’m gonna miss this.”
“It’s great coffee.”
I stand straight and bump my hip against him. “Not the coffee, idiot. I’m gonna miss you bringing it to me.”
“I know.”
