Finally, after what feels like an hour, she looks up at me, and I know this is it.
She’s about to tell me goodbye.
Niko’s words sink in and my chest feels like there’s a giant boulder sitting on top of it. It’s hard to breathe, and I swear I can feel my heart break into a million pieces.
He’s telling me to leave.
I came here with every intention of telling Niko how I feel. How, when I’m with him, I never question myself or what I’m doing. How seeing him in the morning is better than any cup of coffee. How, when I’m in his arms, the world clicks into place. But hearing him tell me to go, again, breaks something inside of me. Why am I not good enough for him to ask me to stay?
My aura, usually calling out to Niko, quiets, and I’m wondering how I’ll ever recover from this.
Finally, I look up. Niko’s eyes are already on me and his face is stoic. How can he feel so sure about this when I’m crawling out of my skin even thinking about being away from him and Sophia?
I feel pathetic but I ask him again, just to be sure. “You think I should go?”
Niko doesn’t even hesitate. “I do. You were born to do something like this, Sadie. I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
Anger mixes with disappointment. He truly believes I should take this job and go to Denver. Everything that’s happened between us wasn’t enough for him to even ask me to stay.
I clear my throat, hoping he can’t hear the heartbreak in my voice when I finally say, “You’re right. I should follow my dreams.”
Niko sucks in a breath, but nods. I don’t want to hear him agree with me. I don’t want him to say another word. So, before he can, I’m speaking again.
“I spoke with the Bobcats GM and he’s not sure if there’s a full-time position for me next season. And Mark moved up the grand opening to next week. It’s sooner than I’d like, and I hate not giving you more notice, but I think I should be there when it opens.”
He seems shocked, his eyebrows rising, but he masks his emotion in an instant. “Of course.”
I stand abruptly, needing to get as far away from him as soon as possible. I turn toward the hallway to make my escape. Before I even make it a few feet, I turn back to Niko.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell Sophia. You can be there, of course, but I’d like to be the one to tell her.”
Niko hasn’t moved. His eyes are trained on the wall in front of him and he doesn’t look my way when he speaks. “Okay.”
His words are laced in hurt, which only confuses me more.Hetold me to go.Twice!Not once did he utter the words “I want you to stay.”
I turn on my heel and walk straight to the garage to my apartment.
Looks like I have a flight to book.
The past five days have been a whirlwind. I’ve been in touch with Mark daily, scheduling the grand opening with him via phone calls and video chats. Every time I hang up with him, it just feels wrong.
I should be more excited. I should be chomping at the bit to get to Denver to fulfill this lifelong dream I’ve had. But I’m not. The thought of flying out there, doing this alone, with no family or friends by my side has me contemplating if I should really be doing this.
Niko told me to go and in self-preservation, I believed him when he said it would be worth it. It has been my dream to run a yoga retreat, but here I am, five days later, unsure if it was the right decision.
Sophia took the news of me leaving just as I expected. The day after I asked Niko if I could tell her, the three of us went to the pond for a picnic so she could show me her favorite spot on the property. I can’t shake the way she reacted, and I replay the conversation in my head constantly.
“Sophia, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
She looked up at me, oblivious to the heartbreak I was about to cause. “Yeah, Miss Sadie?”
My eyes started misting over before I even said the first word. “My old friend called me the other day and said he’s opening this amazing yoga studio in the mountains. He asked me if I wanted to come help him teach yoga and meditation to people who wanted to learn.”
“That sounds fun! Ooh, the mountains! Will you be doing goat yoga too? How long will you be gone? Can I come?”
Her innocence and curiosity made me laugh, but also had me blinking back tears as I delivered the bad news.
“I’m going to be moving back and living there, sweetheart. I won’t be coming back unless it’s for a visit.”
