She leans into my touch, her skin warm against my fingers. "That's one way to put it."
The familiar smells of the station surround us: leather and smoke, coffee and cleaning supplies, all overlaid with the subtle scent of Michelle's shampoo when she rests her head against my shoulder.
"Do you regret it?" I ask, the question emerging before I can stop it. I hold my breath, waiting for her answer.
She tilts her head up to look at me, her expression serious. "No," she says firmly. "Not for a second."
Relief washes through me, so powerful it makes my hands tremble slightly. She notices, reaching out to steady them with her own.
"Do you?" she asks, a flicker of vulnerability crossing her face.
"God, no," I say quickly. "That's not—I'm not—" I stop, take a breath, try again. "I'm just trying to figure out what happens next. With us. With Paul. With everything."
She shifts, turning more fully toward me on the couch, one leg tucked underneath her. The movement is casual, comfortable, as if we've sat like this a hundred times before. Something about it makes my heart ache with longing for things I've never had—stability, belonging, someone who stays.
"Paul will come around," she says, though I catch the slight hesitation in her voice. "Eventually."
"And if he doesn't?"
She sighs, her fingers idly tracing patterns on the back of my hand. "Then we'll deal with it. But I'm not backing down this time."
"This time?" I prompt gently.
Michelle is quiet for a long moment, her eyes focused on our joined hands. "I've spent my whole life trying not to rock the boat with Paul," she finally says. "After our parents died, he became... everything. Brother, protector, parent. I know he means well, but sometimes it feels like I can't breathe around him."
I nod, understanding all too well. "He cares about you. A lot."
"I know he does," she acknowledges. "And I love him for it. But he treats me like I'm still sixteen and broken, like I need to be wrapped in bubble wrap. And for a long time, I let him, because it was easier than fighting."
A distant door closes somewhere in the station, the night shift moving quietly about their duties. The sound reminds me that we exist in a world larger than just the two of us on this couch, that decisions we make here will ripple outward.
"What changed?" I ask.
She looks up at me, her eyes clear and direct. "The fire," she says simply. "Being that close to... to dying. It changes your perspective." She pauses, then adds, "And you. The way you looked at me when you found me. The way you held me. Like I mattered more than rules or protocols or what anyone else might think."
Her words settle in my chest, warming me from the inside out. I lift our joined hands, pressing my lips to her knuckles.
"You do matter," I say against her skin. "More than I can explain. More than makes any logical sense, given how long we've known each other."
She smiles, a small, private thing. "Time is relative when someone carries you through fire."
A laugh escapes me, unexpected but genuine. "I suppose it is."
We fall into comfortable silence, the only sound the soft whir of the heating system kicking on. Michelle shifts closer, tucking herself against my side. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, drawing her in, marveling at how perfectly she fits there.
"What about you?" she asks after a while, her voice quiet in the stillness. "What are you afraid of losing?"
The question hits close to the bone, exposing nerves I usually keep protected. I swallow hard, staring at the opposite wall where photos of the crew hang in simple frames. My eyes find one from last summer's department picnic—all of us grinning, arm in arm, Paul's hand on my shoulder.
"This place," I admit finally. "These people. It's the first time I've had something that feels like..." I trail off, searching for the right word.
"Home," Michelle finishes for me.
Her hand finds mine again, squeezing gently in silent support. The understanding in her voice nearly undoes me. I take a deep breath, steadying myself. "That's why this—us—it's complicated. Because if Paul can't accept it, if I have to choose..."
"You think you'd lose everyone else too," she finishes, understanding immediately.
"Yeah."
