“I told you, I know my girl!” He reached over to give my shoulder a squeeze. “The entertainment reporter onGood Morning Americadid an overview of what happened between him and Scarlet and played a clip of the two of you at her concert. I have to say, it didn’t look like all business to me.”
He patted my shoulder. “And when you used to talk about him during our calls? You were so giggly. You always managed to mention his name a dozen times. It was ‘Harrison said this’ and ‘Harrison did that.’ I know as much abouthislife as yours right now.”
I peeled back the paper on a muffin and took a huge bite. “We worked together, Dad,” I said with my mouth full, spitting crumbs. “He was enmeshed in my life for a while, and now he’s not. It’s fine.”
My dad scrolled through his phone, mumbling to himself and squinting at the screen. He finally turned it to me triumphantlyto show a still of me and Harrison from the video he’d mentioned.
“Do you really think this is how colleagues look at each other?”
I frowned at him as I took the phone. I’d checked out the coverage from Scarlet’s concert, but we were so busy grading the public response to the apology tour that I never had a chance to really examine how the two of us looked together.
I tried to keep my eyes from bugging out of my head as I stared at the blurry photo.
From what I could tell, it was when Ben had come over and accosted me, so Harrison was in protector mode and holding me close. My arm was wrapped around his waist, and I was staring up at him with a close-mouthed grin, visibly enjoying watching him dunking on Ben. But you couldn’t see Ben in the shot. Just Harrison and me, with him wrapped around me and me staring up at him like he’d hung the moon.
The whole vibe was intimate, sexy, and not at all professional.
“Fine,” I sighed. “You guessed correctly, we were more than colleagues, but the relationship was always doomed to end. The guy is a mess, Dad. I’m better off.”
My eyes welled up and made me look like a liar.
“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I’m sorry to hear it.”
He reached over to squeeze my hand.
“Yeah, and what’s worse is I let him hurt metwice.”
I did a speed run through the Aspen disaster story, making sure to leave out any hints of us basically moving in together for the week.
“Iknewhe wasn’t a guy I could count on. So I guess I’m the idiot for assuming that he could change, right? He showed me who he was, loud and clear.”
“Now hold on,” my dad said gently. “Peoplecanchange. You’re looking at someone who did. I’ll always regret that I wasn’t the father you needed me to be when you were little. I was such a mess.”
“You were sick,” I insisted. “And you worked really hard to get better.”
“Yes, that’s it exactly. I had to work to get clean. To become the man I wanted to be. It took years of therapy and lots of different treatment options before I found the one that worked for me, and I made a lot of mistakes before I got it right. And it wasn’t easy for anyone, especially you girls. I let you down so many times. Your mother reached a point where she’d had enough, and I really don’t blame her. I’m still thankful every day that you and Sarah were willing to give me a second chance.”
“But you put in the work. You didn’t just say, ‘I can’t do this’ and walk away. That’s what really hurts about Harrison. If I thought he was willing to try, that hewantedto do better…But the second things got hard, he just gave up.”
As of now, Harrison had donenothing. Not even a texted health check-in, which, given how recent the accident was, felt unforgiveable all over again.
“You knew that you wanted to change, that youhadto,” I insisted. “You wanted to move past your addiction to be there for us, and you took the right steps to make it happen.”
“Baby girl, I love that you see me as being that strong, but the truth is, I really struggled with that part—admitting that I had aproblem and that I needed help. It was humiliating, because you have to remember who I’d been. A sports hero who walked on water and got everything he wanted when he wanted it. Do you remember my backsliding? I’d claim victory, then stumble, time after time.”
“I do,” I admitted softly, staring at the remaining muffin half I no longer wanted.
“People fall apart when things get tough. That’s why you have a job, you know. Cleaning up after folks when they make mistakes. But when the dust settles and it’s time to take a hard look at yourself and what you’ve done, that’s when people find out who they truly are at their core, and what matters most to them.” His voice got quieter.
“For some people, keeping up appearances really does come first. They’ll lie to themselves forever about whatever their problem is because they can’t bear to admit that they’re weak and fallible. But the lucky ones have something that matters more to them than their self-image.Someonewho matters more, who inspires them to face their issues and work to get better. For me, that was you and your sister. You never stopped believing in me, and that gave me the strength to keep trying.”
“We knew you could do it.”
“And that’s one of the things I love about my girls. You especially.”
“Hold up, are you saying I’m your favorite daughter? Because I might need to get that on video,” I joked.
“Stop, I love you both equally,” he chuckled. “But you show up for the people you care about in a big way, even when we stumble. You keep believing in us. And I never want you to stopbelieving. You can’t close off your heart to keep from getting hurt again, sweetheart. Keep that tender, hopeful part of you alive.”
