“Do you know that I was jealous of your mother when you were a baby?”
It was so out of left field that I snorted out a laugh at him. “Excuse me?”
He chuckled along with me. “You wereourbaby, but she was the only parent who mattered to you. I know it sounds ridiculous—I can admit that much now. But back then? I just wanted you to love me the way you loved her. It didn’t help that I knew nothing about babies. I had to be shown everything, from how to change you to how to burp you—even how to hold you. I used to try to soothe you, but I swear you’d arch your back harder and scream louder whenever I picked you up. I felt like a failure.”
I was dumbstruck. Dad was always such apresence.For as long as I could remember, he’d been the smartest, most capable man I’d ever known. Everything he touched turned to gold; everything he attempted, he mastered. The first and only time I ever saw him fail at something was when Mom got sick and he tried to turn the world upside down to find a cure.
But had I been wrong about that? Had the great Oliver Ashford been fallible all along and I’d just never noticed? Yeah, I knew we’d never been close, that Mom was the parent I defaulted to whenever I had a choice, but I never thought that bothered him. I thought we didn’t have much of a relationship because he didn’t want one—not because he’d fumbled trying to build it.
“And it continued as you got older. The two of you had a bond that I couldn’t touch. I had stretches in those first few years where I wondered if I was even cut out to be a father. But then your brothers were born, and it got a little easier. Diapers weren’t intimidating anymore, and I wasn’t afraid of breaking them every time I picked them up the way I had been with you.”
He huffed out a breath and continued with his confession. “It meant we bonded more, right from the start. And then Drewstarted taking a real interest in the hotels, and he liked coming to work with me—something you had never wanted to do—and working together made us feel more connected. But I never stoppedwantinga connection to you. I just didn’t know how to make it happen.”
“Dad, I get it,” I said. “It’s okay.”
It was my tiny olive branch. The confession had to be hard for him.
“No, it’s not,” he replied harshly. “That cancer scare was enough to wake me up to the fact that my time with you and your brothers is finite. My job now is to try to make up for some of the wrongs in my past. I want to connect with you more. Hell, I just want toseeyou now and then when it’s not for a business meeting, you know?”
It was the last thing I’d expected from him.
“Okay, Dad,” I said tentatively. “We can try.”
He shook his head. “No, trying isn’t good enough. This isn’t some hollow promise. I mean it.”
He draped his arm around my shoulder. “I’m proud of you,” he murmured as he squeezed my shoulder. “I hope you know that.”
“I…yeah, I guess I do. Thanks.”
Honestly, I’d never considered if he was proud of me or not. It just…hadn’t occurred to me to look to him for that. We’d never really had that kind of relationship. It was a reset I’d need time to become accustomed to.
“I want to start over,” he said. “I want to get closer to you. I’m committed to it, and I hope you will be as well.” He went quiet,letting the sound of birdsong fill the silence for a while. “And there you have it, Harrison. The big reveal, the reason I dragged you back home. I’m ready to put the work in and right my wrongs. I hope you’ll let me.”
I shook my head at him, slowly and deliberately.
My dad dropped his arm and took a few steps away from me, his eyes wide in shock.
“I’m not going toletyou,” I said quickly to ease his concern. “I’m going tojoinyou.”
28
GWEN
Damn, it felt good waking up in my old bed.
Granted, it was a lumpy old twin beneath posters of the Jonas Brothers and other Nickelodeon stars, but it still gave me a feeling of peace that I hadn’t even realized I craved after a very rough few weeks.
Heading home to Minneapolis had been exactly what I needed, and after seeing my dad’s beaming face at the airport the night before, I knew I wasn’t the only one who knew I was in exactly the right place.
My bedroom door cracked open a few inches. “Oh good, you’re awake!”
I rubbed my eyes, smiling at how eager my dad was. “What time is it?”
“Almost eleven,” he exclaimed. “I was starting to get worried about you.”
“Eleven?” I sat up abruptly. “No way.”
“Yes way. But it’s good, your body probably needed the rest. You’re still recovering from the accident. Healing takes time.”
