Not like this. Not when I won’t let anybody in. Not when everyone is afraid of me.
It’s the first time I’m making that realization, and I glance over at the bench where Everleigh is sitting. She’s staring straight at me. Observing. Studying. Making these realizations long before I do. As if she knows me even though I’ve been careful to keep her at a distance.
I don’t know if I need to put an immediate stop to that or let things happen as they may. Is it because nobody’s evertaken the time to understand me? Is it because everyone else gives up on me so easily?
I’m not sure.
But what I am sure of is that it’s throwing me off balance. It’s making me unsteady, and the last thing this team needs is an unsteady quarterback.
I have one week to pull my shit together.
I’m nervous in the back of an Uber on my way to visit my mother. The only time I feel any sense of nerves is when I do this.
It’s been three months since I last saw her, and I have no idea what to expect. Last time was hard. She had no idea who I was, and it took me a few days to bounce back after that.
I check in at the desk, and the woman wearing a nametag that says “Marie”on it asks, “Would you like to meet in a common area or in her room?”
“Wherever she’s most comfortable.”
She nods and offers a smile. “Susan’s on duty today with her, and she’ll be up in a moment to escort you back.”
A secure door opens, and there’s Susan. “Maverick to see Marilyn Jennings,” Susan says, and I walk over to greet her.
“How’s she doing?” I ask.
“She’s had a hard day, but seeing someone familiar might help,” she says with a smile.
I walk back with her, and my mom is in her bed when we walk into the room. “Marilyn, your son Maverick is here to see you.”
My mom’s head jerks over to us, and she studies me for a few beats before she purses her lips and looks away. “I told you I didn’t want to see Raymond again after what he did to me.”
Raymond. My father.
I blow out a breath.
It’s hard enough coming here, but to be mistaken for that asshole is a punch to the gut I wasn’t expecting.
I know we look alike. I know we share features. You know what else he shared with me? The secrets he forced me to keep when I’d catch him cheating on the poor woman in the bed mistaking me for the very man I hate.
“I’m not Raymond,” I say softly. “It’s me, Mom. Your son Maverick.”
She turns back to me and squints like she can’t piece together who I am. She shakes her head. “Did you tell that woman you won’t see her again? Because I won’t sleep in the same bed as you until it’s over with her.”
I glance at Susan for help. “Marilyn, this is Maverick. Not Raymond. Your son is here to visit with you.”
“I don’t have a son,” she says to Susan. She ignores me. “Although we’re trying. Or wewerebefore I found out he’s been sleeping with his secretary. Raymond and I just got married a year ago, and he’s already cheating on me. Can you believe it?”
I knew he had a history of cheating on her. Those were the secrets he pressured me to keep. But I didn’t know it spanned back before I was even conceived.
What an asshole. Even now, every single piece of information I learn about him only confirms that.
But she stayed with him. She stayed married to him for over twenty years before she finally kicked him out just after I left for college.
And now she’s mentally in a time warp that happened over thirty years ago.
It’s heartbreaking. It puts this pressure on my chest that feels tight and unbearable. I suck in a breath, but it feels like I can’t take a deep enough one.
I knew things were declining with her memory, but it felt easier when she didn’t know who I was at all than this.
