She giggles, and I laugh too. Despite the heaviness in here, I can always count on my best friend for a good laugh.
My phone dings with a new text, and she shoots me a sharp look.
“What?” I ask innocently.
“Phones on silent after children are asleep,” she reminds me.
I make a face and turn off my volume. “Sorry. I guess if I ever have kids someday, I’ll understand why.”
“You will—both understand and have kids, I mean,” she says.
I shrug. “The window on that feels as if it’s getting smaller. I’m thirty-two, got dumped by the guy I thought I’d have kids with someday, and then got into something new only for that to end as well.” I make a face, not really sure how to define what happened between Maverick and me. Can we really call it a breakup when we were never actually together? How do we define what we had, and how do we define the end of it when we never really defined it to each other?
I’m not sure it matters. We’re apart now, and that seems to be the thing that matters in all this.
And I hate it.
If I could turn back time…would I? Would I handle things differently? I’m not sure.
“So who just texted you? Tell me it was Manly Mav.”
I shoot her a look. “Manly Mav?”
“What?” she asks. “Do you prefer Mountable Mav? Monstercock Mav?”
“He did have a monster cock,” I mutter. I grab my phone and take a peek. “Nope, it wasn’t Monstercock after all.” I flash the screen at her to read the text.
Billy:Heard you’re back in town. When can I see you again?
She raises her brows as if to ask…well?
“Should I reply with half past never o’clock?” I ask as I consider my response.
“It’s really over?”
I nod. “I think it’s that whole hindsight thing. He didn’t like my red lipstick.”
She shoots me a look. “So?”
“It’s part of who I am. You know? It’s those little things. And honestly, after being with Maverick and comparing them side-by-side, which I know is wrong as fuck, the things I felt for Billy were perhaps nothing more than a crush.”
“But what you felt for Mav?”
I press my lips together as tears heat behind my eyes. My stomach churns, and it’s not from the ice cream-tequila mix. “More than a crush,” I finally say.
“Then go get him, Ev. What’s stopping you?”
“It’s just so complicated,” I say. “He wants to feel like I chose him, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t pick someone I’ve only known a couple months no matter how much I think I’ve fallen for him. I knew Billy foryears,and he turned out to be someone other than what I thought he was. But my family…they’re the ones who’ve been there to pick me back up my entire life, you know?”
“Do you feel like you’ve said that a hundred times in the last few days?” she asks.
My brows quirk. “Why?”
“Because it sounded canned, babe. I suspect evenyouknow it’s nothing more than an excuse.”
I lift a shoulder. “So what if it is? It doesn’t change anything. He doesn’t want to be with me if I can’t put him first.”
“Then…put him first. Duh.” She smacks her forehead as if the answer is so obvious.
