I snort, but there’s no humor in it. “Fair enough.”
He lifts his head and rubs his fingers against his forehead before he drags his tired hands down the length of his face. His eyelids slowly lift, revealing his bloodshot eyes and dark circles beneath. “I don’t blame her for any of this,” he admits, his voice barely audible. He falls silent for a moment, shaking his head. “Enough about me. Earlier you said you wanted my advice on something?”
Swallowing hard, I nod my head. “It’s about Willow.”
Harrison lifts a brow. “You want advice from someone who’s on their way out of a failed marriage?”
A chuckle rumbles in my chest. “Well, actually. That’s why I want your advice. You know what not to do.”
He lets out a rough, low laugh, but it’s real and not forced. “Fair point.” He lifts his bottle of water, twisting off the top before he takes a sip. “So, what’s going on? You haven’t said much about her recently.”
“I’ve been—” I pause, scratching at the back of my neck as my mind plays over our last conversation. I shouldn’t have let her walk away, regardless of that being what she wanted. I should have stopped her right then and told her the truth.
I let her walk away and now, I feel like I’m fucking stuck.
“I tried to push her away, like I normally do, except she kind of flipped the script on me and she was the one who walked away.”
Harrison lifts a brow. “No way. She beat you at your own game.”
“Noah found out about us and after talking to him, it just made me really think about things.” I pause, letting out an exhale. “She scares the hell out of me.”
He chuckles quietly. “You? Scared? This is a first. You don’t even let anyone get close enough for that to be a possibility.”
“It’s not a bad scared,” I explain, the words tumbling from my lips. “It’s just different. Every time I’m around her, I feel like I can’t hide anything. Like she sees me—really sees me—and it’s terrifying.”
Harrison stares at me. “But why?”
I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment, dropping my gaze down to my hands as I pick at a small chip in the wood table. “What if she sees something she doesn’t like?” I say, my voice quiet as I lift my gaze. “What if she realizes I’m not who she thinks I am? That I’m not good enough or steady enough or whatever the hell she thinks she sees in me.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I blow it out in a long exhale, shaking my head. “My mom thinks I need to tell her the truth and I can’t help but feel like I’m setting myself up for failure again. Like I’m going to disappoint her in one way or another.”
Harrison’s gaze rakes across my face as he takes a second to study me. Slowly, he nods his head. “Yeah, that checks out,” he says, pursing his lips. “You’re panicking in advance.”
“What?” I question him, swiftly shaking my head. “No, I’m not panicking.”
Harrison snorts and laughs softly. “Yeah, you’re definitely panicking.”
Defeat tugs my shoulders downwards and I let out a sigh. “Okay, maybe I am.”
Adjusting in his seat, he interlaces his fingers, slipping them behind his head as he sits back in his chair. “You think being afraid means you’re failing already, but fear usually means something else.”
My brow furrows. “Like what?”
“That she matters,” he says simply.
My heart pounds a bit harder in my chest as my stomach does a somersault.
Harrison leans forward, dropping his hands as he takes a sip of his water. He’s silent for a moment, staring at the bottle like it holds all the answers either of us could ever need. “You know, when things with Erin and I started to get bad, there was a point where I realized I wasn’t afraid of it falling apart anymore.” The muscle in his jaw tightens as his eyes flick to mine. “That was the moment I knew it was over.”
I stare back at him and his gaze is unwavering. His eyes are tired, but there’s a hardness, like something has sharpened him.
“So, the fact that you’re terrified?” He twists the lid back onto his bottle. “That says something.”
Another exaggerated sigh slips from me as I prop my elbows on the table and rest my head against my hands. “I don’t want to fuck any of this up.”
“You’re going to at some point. Hell, you already did,” he says with a bluntness that hits me in the center of my chest.”
I narrow my eyes on him. “Gee, thanks for that boost of confidence.”
