A sob almost escapes me at the thought. The idea of Kellan not being in my life just doesn’t make sense, but if Anders and I Bond, where does that leave him?
“I love you too, RaeRae,” he whispers, his voice deep with emotion. A heavy sigh escapes his lips as resolve washes over his face.
“And that’s time. Please hit submit on your lists before heading out. Class is dismissed,” Professor Becca announces.
As the crowd disperses out of the hall, filtering back into thedorms and dining hall, Kellan keeps hold of my hand, ignoring the glances from those who notice.
Before we step through the door, I pause and bury my face into his chest. I’m not sure what to say, but in a way, I know I’m letting go of years’ worth of hopes and dreams that he’d be mine.
“No matter what happens, you’ll always be my best friend,” I whisper, my voice barely above a murmur, before pulling away to wipe away an unexpected tear.
Nothing has changed, but I can feel it coming. There might be burning heat and ice between Anders and me that are undeniable, exhilarating even, but Kellan holds my heart in a way that Anders never could. Kellan leans down, pressing a tender kiss on my forehead before leaving me alone to gather my emotions.
I can’t be sure, but it feels like its own kind of promise. He won’t let me go without a fight.
Kellan and I walk in silence, the heavy doors of the Academy Hall echoing shut behind us. My footsteps fall softly against the marble, but I can feel the weight in every step—not from exhaustion, but from the way he looked at me. The way I looked back.
Kellan walks just behind, close enough that I can hear the controlled rhythm of his breath, but not close enough to touch. He hasn’t said a word since, and he doesn’t need to. We reach the archway leading out into the moonlit path when I finally speak. “You didn’t have to say what you did…in there.”
He doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, he stops walking. I turn, and he’s standing in the silvery light, jaw tight, eyes shadowed and unreadable.
“I didn’t say everything,” he mutters, voice barely above a whisper.
My breath catches. “What does that mean?”
He takes a step closer, not enough to close the distance, butenough that I feel the pull of it. His gaze finds mine, and it’s raw—vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen from him.
“It means I can feel you slipping through my fingers, Raea, and I don’t know how to stop it. It means I’ve been watching you fall for someone else, and it’s killing me.” His voice breaks slightly, but he doesn’t look away. “It means I don’t want to be just your best friend anymore. You think I don’t care, but gods, Raea…I’ve cared every moment you looked past me. I just didn’t know how to say it…until now.”
Silence falls between us like a blade.
He doesn’t wait for my answer. He gives a small, pained shake of his head and walks past me into the night.
thirty-three
. . .
raea
I sneakout of the dorms when the moons are high enough to light the way. I hadn’t seen Anders leave the dining hall, but when I checked, he was already gone. Clad in the same delicate gown I wore to dinner earlier—a soft, flowing white fabric adorned with intricate, leafy green embroidery that highlights the green of my eyes. Thankfully, the night air remains warm since I didn’t think to grab a cloak.
Navigating the well-worn trail that leads down to the water, I gingerly slip off my shoes, conscious of the uneven stones beneath my feet. My mind is so focused on the damp embankment ahead that I nearly miss the energy in the air around me. It’s a subtle, yet tingling sensation against my skin, alerting me that I’m not alone. When I finally look up, there he is, leaning casually against a tree trunk and draped in shadows. One forearm is pressed into the bark, while his other hand rests nonchalantly in his pants pocket. The picture of confidence. He looks absolutely divine, and deep within me, an almost primal instinct screams,mine. My tongue flicks out instinctively, wetting my lips as I feel his smoldering gaze intensify.
“You wanted to talk?” he purrs, stepping out of the shadows with a seductive grace that makes my heart race.
Each purposeful stride toward me ignites a fire within me, coatingmy body with a warmth that spreads from my core. I clear my throat, desperate to summon my thoughts that seem to have fled altogether.
With a mind gloriously distracted, I cast my gaze toward the shimmering water. Perhaps the cool water will help clear my head. I tread carefully down the embankment, the fabric of my gown trailing behind me.
“You look beautiful,” he murmurs, moving to stand beside me, his voice low and velvety. I smile softly.
As I settle onto the rocky shore, I gather the flowing material around me before dipping my toes into the chilly water. He shifts closer, his nearness only intensifying the charged atmosphere between us.
“I don’t really have a question as much as—” I pause, searching for the right words. “Well, I don’t know. I want to explore…this.” I gesture between us, trying to articulate the pull between us, perhaps to convey that I want that kiss now.
His head tilts slightly as if weighing the sincerity of my words. Then, with deliberate slowness, his hand rises toward me, fingers gently tugging at the ribbon that binds my hair in a braid. It untangles with ease, allowing the strands to cascade down my back, making me shiver.
“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” he says, his voice deep and resonant. “I won’t Bond with you, at least not right now, so don’t worry about that.”
