“Funny,” I said. “I was going to say the same thing about you. You took way more of a beating than me last night.”
Charlie shrugged. “Eh, Matt doesn’t really hit that hard.”
I tried to force a laugh, but I was sure he could tell it was fake. Not that he should have been surprised—this wasn’t exactly a laughing matter.
“Seriously, Mads,” Charlie said. “Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath, trying to keep the feeling that I was going to cry at bay. I knew what had to happen now… but I didn’t want to do it.
“Matthew hates me,” I said. “And you. I’ve ruined everything.”
“You didn’t ruin?—”
“Don’t lie to me, Charlie. We both know I’m right.” The more I thought about it, the more I knew I’d been in the wrong for going after him at all. Had I really expected him to commit to me? To love me forever? Was I really stupid enough to believe that Matthew would have accepted it? I should have known it was going to end this way at some point. “I spent two years carrying around this stupid note, convinced that if I waited long enough, I could convince you to love me.”
I ripped my phone case off, letting the paper fall to the ground. I was tempted to stomp on it, to destroy it until it looked the same way I felt, but I didn’t get the chance before Charlie crouched down to pick it up.
“Charlie Owen and Madison McKinnon,” he read aloud. “Homecoming party…” His voice turned to a whisper as he said, “Best kiss of his life.”
“I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been,” I said. I was talking to myself more than him. “I really thought that two years would make enough of a difference to Matthew, that he wouldn’t carenow. And I risked it all—for what? Because I thought that if I kissed you again, you would realize it was me? That my kiss would be so good that you would give up your best friend for me?”
“Maybe it was.”
“Oh, you mean like how when Matt almost caught us kissing, and you went off with him without even saying goodbye to me? Yeah, that was great.”
Charlie frowned. “What do you mean? I thought we were trying to hide it from Matthew.”
“And that’s my point. We had to hide. We’ll always have to hide.”
“We won’t have to anymore.”
“Oh yeah? You think you had one fight with him and it’s all over now? That he’ll just be okay with it from here on out?”
Charlie sighed and looked down. His face hardened, as if he knew what was coming and he didn’t like it at all. I wished I could tell him that I didn’t like it either—but it was the way this had to be.
“We have to leave it here, Charlie,” I whispered in a broken voice. “I want you to remember me at my best. I want you to remember me as the girl that you were willing to get in a fight over—with your best friend, no less. The girl that you almost won... but not quite.”
I took in a couple of deep, gasping breaths and turned away. I always believed in getting away from a break-up as quickly as possible. Usually, it was because I didn’t want to have to listen to boys try to win me back—but this time, it was because I didn’t want the boy I loved to see me cry.
“Screw that!”
I froze at his words, even though I knew the right thing to do was ignore them. But who could blame me for wanting to know what he would say?
Charlie grabbed my wrist and spun me back around. I came face to face with him, our bodies almost pressed together. His eyes were burning with undeniable emotion, though I couldn’t tell exactly what it was. Anger? Passion? Love?
“I don’t want you to be the girl who got away. And I’m sorry that no boy before me ever had the courage to tell you what you deserve to hear, but here it is: you are not just some girl, Madison. You are not just a fling. You are not somebody I can live without. I love you, Madison. And I don’t care if Matthew hates me every day of his life for loving you because any true friend wouldn’t want me to give this up. If you say no now, I am not going to give up. I am not going to let go of you. You deserve the world, and damn it, I swear I will be the one to give it to you! Whether you like it or not.”
I never realized until that moment that all I ever wanted was for a boy to say that to me.
You are worth it.
“I thought you didn’t come crawling back to anybody,” I said.
“You’re not just anybody.”
This wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea how we were going to convince Matthew to be okay with this or what we would do if he never did forgive us. But even if my whole life burned around me… I was happy that I was doing it with him.
“Kiss me, Charlie.”
