After they leave, I begin pacing.
Catriona tries to follow, but I can’t look at her, let alone ask her to do something like this. I may be e a monster, but she’s where I draw the line.
“Are you really going to make me fucking chase you down after that?” she storms after me, huffing as she stalks me around the office.
“Please, Catriona. Give me a second.” There’s something inside my skin trying to get out. I want to run. I want to confront Cian and slit his fucking throat. Bathe in his blood. Make him choke on his own fucking dick.
But I can’t.
I can’t.
I can’t.
I can’t.
My mother. Everything I do affects her.
And everything Idon’tdo.
Christ. Now the same consequences apply to Catriona.
I can’tfuckingwin, no matter what I do.
“Tell me what the fuck that was, O’Connor? You better start explaining right fucking now.” The words come at me like knives I can’t dodge. I’d leave if I could. Find some bodies to rip into. But I can’t leave her here. Not when I know Cian’s right outside. Not when he’s got me by the throat and the balls. I feel caged, trapped. Like the walls are going to close in around me.
I turn and walk away. She grabs my hand and jerks me to a stop at the top of the stairs. “Stop walking away from me. Tell me what’s going on. Who does that…belong to?”
“You already know who it belongs to.”
“Then why won’t you look at me.”
“I said to drop it. This isn’t your business.” I shake off her hold and jerk away, shoving myself in the direction of the exit. A mistake, considering this is the last fucking place I want to be.
“I’m your wife,” she says, stalking after me. “I’m making it my business. And you’re supposed to tell me, anyway. So explain.”
“Just drop it. I’ll have Bren and Tadhg come up to keep an eye on you while I take care of this. I’ll meet you at home later.” When I try to move around her, she uses her weight and the momentum to shove me against a wall.
I scowl down at her, fisting my hands at my side. “You done?”
“Not until you tell me.”
The box I’m holding in my chest can’t weigh more than a few ounces, but it feels like it contains an anvil. I shove it at her, then push away, unable to watch. Afraid that if I do, it’ll make me sick. She makes a surprised sound in the back of her throat, followed by cardboard rasping against itself as she pulls it open.
Her gasp feels like a shard of glass is sawing through my chest, leaving it raw and gaping. If it had been anyone else, if I’d married her sister like I’d planned, I don’t think it would have hit me as hard as it does. I would have been able to keep the way this makes me feel under lock and key like I’ve done for most of my life.
But because it’s Catriona, fierce, strong, sweet Catriona, I feel it a thousand times worse. She cracks me open with just one look. Confusion. Empathy. Outrage.
“Tell me.” She pauses to clear her throat when her voice cuts out mid-word. “Tell me the truth.”
I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, muscles tense from waiting to hear her scream. It’d be easy to lie to her. To tell her it’s someone who doesn’t matter to me, but Ican’t force the words out of my mouth. Not when I want her to see me as something other than the monster I’ve become.
“It’s my mother’s.” I whisper the words so low, I’m certain she can’t hear them until she gasps and crosses the room to me in a few quick strides.
She cups my jaw in her hand and lifts it until my gaze meets hers. “What the fuck?” she whispers. “Is she…?”
My eyes drop back down to the bloodstained box she drops to the table. At the sight of the severed ring finger, still bearing a wedding band and a five-carat diamond ring. She’d never been able to take it off after my father died, no matter how much Cian punished her. He’d never force her to do it, because that would ruin the point. Cian’s always been more interested in slowly breaking his targets than dominating them. It’s why he hasn’t given up on me, even after all these years. His success, if it were to ever happen, would be all the sweeter because in his eyes, he would have earned it.
But every time he does something like this, I wonder if he’s getting just that much closer.
