Someone shook my shoulder, calling my name, but I ignored him.
They were all dead…and it was my fault.
“Nash!”
I jerked upright, gasping for breath as reality clashed with the images in my head. Where the fuck was I? I didn’t recognize this bed, this room, this…
A soft sound next to me had me swiveling my head around, my hands already rising in defense. He was sitting on the far edge of the bed, close enough to touch me but far enough away that he could easily jump out of my reach.
“It’s me, Nash. Forest.” His voice was soft, soothing, and it immediately got through to me.
Forest.
We were…at the beach. On our honeymoon.
Jesus fuck, it had been a nightmare.
I buried my face in my hands as I willed my heart rate to come down. My skin was covered in sweat, and I shivered as a breeze hit me.
Forest stayed quiet, and I was beyond grateful for that. I needed a moment to collect myself, to get my brain to accept it had all been a dream. “Did I scare you?” I finally asked, removing my hands and looking at him.
Only then did he scoot closer, taking my hand. “A little. You were thrashing and screaming.”
He’d known enough to stay at a safe distance. Creek. “You’ve seen this before with your brother.”
Forest nodded. “He had them when he was back on leave after his first deployment. He told me never to get close to him because he could hurt me.”
“Yeah.” My voice was raw. “You know I’d never hurt you intentionally, but…” I made a helpless gesture.
“You’re not fully yourself with a nightmare like that. I know, Nash. I understand.” He hesitated, then asked gently, “Do you have them often?”
“Not anymore. I used to. It’s…” Bitter bile bubbled in my throat, and I had to swallow before I could continue. “I don’t know what triggers it.”
“Is it always the same?”
“No, but the theme is the same. They’re all…” I stopped as I realized who I was talking to. Forest was a civilian. Should I be talking about things like this with him? He wasn’t used to the brutalities of war, of combat.
“You can tell me.” His voice was soft but determined. “I’m stronger than you think.”
Did he think I considered him weak? “You’re the strongest person I know, sweetheart. But this is not about being strong. This is about not wanting to traumatize you. There’s a difference.”
“I can handle it, I promise.” He squeezed my hand, which he was still holding. “Talk to me, Nash.”
If we were going to talk about this, we were at least going to be comfortable. I leaned back against the headboard, propping some pillows behind my back, then held out an arm to Forest. He immediately took me up on the invitation, nestling against me with his head on my shoulder.
“Before the accident, I had nightmares too. We all did. It’s impossible to go into combat and see death and destruction and come away unharmed. It scars you, some more than others. But the nightmares would all be different. They were never the same. But since the accident…”
I was searching for words, but Forest sat quietly, giving me time to collect my thoughts and find the right verbiage to say what I had never told anyone. Not my brothers, Dayton, or even the Army therapist I’d talked to.
“I wasn’t there when it happened. Not on site, I mean. I was in a different building, being briefed about a joint training exercise we’d be taking part in. Later, I found out that PrivateWatts had failed to check each firearm after a training exercise, and one went off near a couple of boxes of ammunition. The whole thing went up in flames. When I heard the explosion…”
My hands grew clammy and my heart sped up at the memory, my body instantly reliving the deathly terror that had taken hold of me. But despite that, I’d acted quickly, my years of training and experience kicking in. If you froze in combat, you were dead, so I’d been conditioned to act.
“I knew it was bad, and all I could do as I ran toward where the sound had come from was pray that my men would be safe. But they weren’t… I saw Tameron first. He was screaming and covering his ears. Blood was dripping down his fingers, but he was alert and alive. Then I saw Creek…”
My throat was so tight, every swallow was painful, like swallowing glass. “He wasn’t moving, and blood was gushing out of what remained of his leg. I yelled for a medic while I knelt next to him and immediately put a tourniquet on. He woke up from the pain, screaming, but I had to ignore him to make sure he would live. I carefully dragged him away because I’d seen who he was covering with his body. Bean. He was unconscious, and initially, he seemed to have only superficial wounds, thanks to Creek.”
“Bean told me my brother saved his life,” Forest said quietly.
