He whipped his head around. “What?”
“I’ve heard you curse when you talk to yourself. You do know you do that, right? That you hold entire conversations with yourself aloud?”
He let out a low groan, one that conjured up completely different scenarios. “I can’t believe you heard that.”
“Thin walls, sweetheart. Not much going on that I don’t hear.” I made a pained face. “Which I regretted deeply when your brother started dating Heath, trust me. Those two were loud, let me tell ya.”
“Whoa, TMI. I did not need to know that about Creek, okay?”
I grinned. “Hey, if I had to suffer, so do you. At least you weren’t forced to listen to it live.”
“Thank the stars for that because I’m not sure I would’ve been able to stand it. There are things one simply doesn’t need to know about siblings, and sex ranks number one on that list. The thought alone is too cringy for words.”
I considered that for a moment. “I always think of Creek, Bean, and Tameron as my younger brothers, but maybe this is one of those cases where it’s different if they actually are related by blood. Don’t get me wrong, I could’ve done without hearing your brother and Heath, but it didn’t embarrass me. But maybe that’s also because after so long in the Army, I’ve grown used to listening to others jack off and have sex.”
His eyes were wide as he looked at me. “They were jacking off with you in the same room?” Then he seemed to catch himself. “I guess you wouldn’t have much of a choice, would you?”
“None. Privacy doesn’t exist. You always have people around you. When you eat, when you sleep, when you shower or take a shit…or when you jack off or have sex. Someone is always close, listening or even watching. You get used to it.”
“You weren’t out, right?”
I shook my head. “Not publicly, but those closest to me knew. It wasn’t like I was ashamed of it, but it would’ve caused complications, and I didn’t need that.”
Forest scratched his chin. “I imagine the Army isn’t exactly a progressive bastion, not even after they repealedDon’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
“Nope, and there’s still enough prejudice and homophobia to go around, both among leadership and in the ranks and files. I didn’t want to have to deal with that.”
“I can imagine.” He studied me for a few beats again. “Were you able to find partners?”
I shrugged. “Not as often as I would’ve liked, but yes. Most of the time, it was a one-time hookup, but I’ve had a few instances of a mutual arrangement with someone. Like, during one of our deployments, another sergeant and I would meet up every week or so.”
“Great way to blow off some stress,” Forest remarked. “And I can imagine you had plenty of that during a deployment.”
Understatement of the year. That particular deployment had been the most stressful of all of them, and if not for Graves and me flip-fucking each other into oblivion every week, I would’ve suffered a hell of a lot more than I had.
Not that I was telling Forest that. He didn’t need to know, and besides, Graves hadn’t been out. I would never violate his privacy like that. “It was a lifesaver. But I always had to be careful that whoever I hooked up with wasn’t under my command. I never wanted someone to be able to accuse me of putting pressure on them, you know? Of abusing my rank.”
“I hate that you even had to take that into consideration.”
This was a far heavier discussion than I had imagined, but that didn’t mean it was unwelcome. I liked that Forest was asking questions, that he wanted to know. And it wasn’t the kind of curiosity that made me uncomfortable, like the people whowanted to know details about my combat experiences. Like my trauma was something for them to enjoy, to relish. Hell no.
“Unfortunately, there have been too many times when that was the case. When those higher in rank abused their power to force subordinates into unwanted sexual activities. Female soldiers especially have suffered from unwanted sexual advances, and sadly, the Army doesn’t have a good track record in dealing with these allegations. When people step forward, it’s hard to actually get those in power court-martialed.”
Forest let out a deep sigh. “Money, sex, and power. The three main causes of most human suffering.”
“Exactly.”
We continued talking until I pulled up behind the little beach cottage, painted a misty sea foam.
“Hold on,” I said when Forest reached for his car door. “Let me.”
He waited until I’d gotten out and come around to open his door for him. His hand was warm and steady in mine as I helped him out. Arm in arm, we walked around the little stone path to the front of the cottage, which overlooked the sandy beach.
It was blissfully quiet. A man was throwing a stick into the water, his black lab immediately bouncing after it, jumping straight into the waves. A little farther away, a mom sat on the sand with two kids, who were building a sandcastle. Overhead, seagulls cried out, and in the far distance, ships passed by.
“It’s so peaceful,” Forest said quietly as we stood there, taking it in.
“It’s a small cottage, but I love the location,” I told him.
