He sighed and didn’t move his hand away. “It’s okay to tell me when I’ve fucked it all up. I should have given you space to process what you were dealing with, and then brought up, you know”—the tips of his ears went pink, and yeah, okay, maybe the marriage offer was heavy for both of us—“marriage as one of the solutions.”
Biting my lip, I fought a smile and then lost. His eyes lit up a bit, and it made me feel good that I could ease some of thediscomfort he was feeling. “It was a really, really kind thing to offer. Especially because I’m sure marrying me isn’t at the top of your list. It will probably put a huge damper on your dating life.”
He huffed a laugh, but the sound wasn’t exactly amused. “Let’s just say my dating life hasn’t been the best lately. And listen, if you weren’t one of my best friend’s little brothers and you were some guy I saw in a club…” He trailed off.
I was on a knife-edge. My breath caught in my throat. “Uh-huh?”
He shrugged. “You would have at least had a few drinks coming your way.”
So okay, he wouldn’t have pulled me into a restroom stall and sucked me off so hard I saw God, but that was…something. Wasn’t it? His subtle way of saying he found me attractive?
“Thanks.”
He laughed. “God, I’m so bad at this. What I’m trying to say is?—”
I reached out, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I understand what you’re trying to say, and thank you. Being married to you would be a huge step up from the jerks I dated back home.”
His smile softened and his shoulders lost some of their tension. I turned back to the kettle as he let my hand go, and he waited until I was done pouring before he asked, “Are you sure I can’t drive you around today?”
I added two cubes of sugar to melt while the tea was steeping, and rested my hip against the counter, turning to face him again. “I like spending time with you, but I think I need to do this. I’m potentially considering your offer. It’s…generous, and I’m not sure I have another solution considering my other real option right now is filing for disability, and that can take years to get approved.”
He bowed his head and let out a slow breath. “Yeah. It’s shit.”
“And even that would prevent me from ever getting a job again. And I want to teach. I worked my ass off for my doctorate. I sacrificed a lot to get to where I am, and I’m not ready to give that up.”
Nash took my hand again, running his thumb over my knuckles. “I hate this for you.”
I couldn’t help a small laugh. “Yeah. I hate it for me too, but reality is what it is. So I need to know I can cope. That I can go out and have a day by myself where I buy a plant and maybe a throw pillow for my bed.”
His lips stretched back into the smile I was coming to really like. “Maybe even a figurine or two? Something to decorate that bare-ass room.”
I rolled my eyes and snorted a laugh before pulling away to test the tea. Sweet, rich, and perfect. A bit like the man standing in front of me, though he didn’t need to know I was feeling that way about him.
If we did do this marriage thing, we’d have to set boundaries. Draw firm, visible lines in the sand.
But that was a future Forest problem. Today I was going to tackle one errand and a hanging fern.
“Let’s do dinner tonight,” Nash said.
I blinked at him. “We do dinner every night.”
He scoffed. “I mean, I have the next few nights off before I have a couple of long shifts. Let’s do dinner. You and me.”
Like a date, I wanted to ask. But I couldn’t form the words. I had no idea what he meant by his offer, but at the very least, it was easy to nod and say, “That sounds nice.”
“Be ready by six-thirty. I’ll find a decent place in the city that won’t have a five-hour wait.”
“I can do that.”
It was a promise I wasn’t sure I should be making. My body seemed to change from moment to moment, but I wanted to try.It was all new and fresh, but I was ready to prove to myself that all of this didn’t mean I had to lose everything else about who I was.
And who I wanted to spend time with.
I was still feeling myself when I made it to the garage. I didn’t know much about the place except that it was run by Dayton’s brother, who was Deaf, and most of the staff was either Deaf or Hard of Hearing. There were a few spots like that back when I was in my undergrads, and I’d gone to the pizza place a few times for Deaf events for my ASL class.
I’d taken ASL in my undergrads for an elective credit, and it had been a while since I’d actively used sign language, but Tameron and Dayton had given me several chances to brush up, so I didn’t feel as floppy-handed rusty as I might have several months ago.
Walking into the shop lobby, I saw lights in the back flicker. There was no one at the counter, but a few moments later, a guy in a grease-stained, earthy green jumpsuit appeared. He had a hat on backward covering his hair, bright-blue eyes, and a few smudges across his cheeks. It took me a second to recognize Dayton’s brother.
