“Um. Yeah,” I said, searching for some kind of smile.
Heath frowned. “You okay, man?”
No. I was not okay. At all. “It’s been a day. I was just leaving, but I don’t have my car, so?—”
“No biggie. I have mine. Wait right here for me, and I can give you a lift.”
Oh god, was my brother with him? Creek would immediately know something was wrong. “I don’t want to interrupt your day with Creek.”
Heath laughed, his ears going a little pink. “Nah. He’s in San Jose for the afternoon, doing some recruitment thing. I might not have been paying super close attention when he was talking about it this morning, but I know he won’t be back until after seven.” He rubbed the back of his neck, his grin a little ashamed. “Anyway, we can do lunch if you’re not busy.”
The thought of food made me want to rip my own stomach out.The nausea was overwhelming for a moment, and I had to breathe through it. “That’s really sweet, but I’m not feeling so hot.”
Heath grimaced. “Okay. Then I’ll take you home. I was heading that way anyway.”
I couldn’t keep arguing with him, and at the very least, it meant I didn’t have to tell Nash the truth. At least, not right now. I gave him a nod, and he shot me a shaka before hurrying inside, quite agile for a man who’d recently lost his leg.
Then again, like Creek, Heath was fit. He was a surfer and a PE teacher, and if I remembered right, a yoga enthusiast. I hadnever been those things, but I was starting to realize now that even if I wanted to, that would never be my life.
I would live just as long as I would have before the illness, but the things I would be able to do were significantly fewer. It felt like someone had written a list on a piece of paper of things a grown man with a PhD could do, and now it was slowly burning from the bottom up.
Exercise: gone. Teaching: gone. Driving: gone.
What was next?
Hell, I could add masturbation to that list too. I’d given it a shot a few times this week, but every time I got my hand around myself, my arms started freezing. I was beginning to wonder if a man would ever want me again, and if I couldn’t get laid, would I ever be able to have an orgasm?
Was I gonna be stuck frotting against my mattress when my hips felt like cooperating?
God, I did not need to be thinking about this right now.
Luckily, Heath appeared a second later with a thick folder tucked under his arm. He shot me a sunny smile and jerked his head toward the stairs. “Let’s head out.”
“Can we…?” I hesitated for a beat. “Do you mind if we take the elevator? I have a thing going on with my leg today.” A half-lie, but Heath didn’t seem to catch it.
“Of course.” He led the way and smashed the button with the side of his fist. The man was pure chaos, and it was a wonder my brother had fallen for him. Then again, Creek desperately needed someone like Heath in his life.
“So,” I said at the same moment Heath said, “How is?—”
I laughed. “You go.”
The doors opened, and he stepped in before hitting the button for the ground floor. “How is it at Nash’s? Creek’s been worrying himself to distraction.”
I felt awful. “It’s fine. Normal.” If normal was a word I was allowed to use at this point.
Heath gave me a side-eye but said nothing until we were heading for the parking lot. “I’m sorry I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with you guys. The end of the year is always a little nuts. But you’re basically my brother-in-law now, so I feel like shit about it.”
I laughed as we came to a stop beside his truck. There was a surfboard in the back, covered in sand. “Please don’t worry about it. It’s been pretty chaotic with me too.”
He stared at me as we both got in. “Is everything okay?”
I was totally going to give myself away if I wasn’t careful. “Yeah. Everything is great. Just, you know, getting started at a new job.”
“I haven’t done that in years, but I remember.” He started the engine, then rolled back and pulled onto the main street.
It was a wonder it even fit on the narrow roads. I was wholly unused to how everything was so damn small and compact here in the Bay Area. I was used to wide-open straight roads full of big F-250s and farm equipment. Every house had half an acre. When Nash had proudly shown me his backyard, consisting of a twelve-by-twelve-foot grassy patch, I’d wondered how people lived like that.
But it was growing on me.
