Some of my sexual encounters had been…not so great.
Heath leaned forward. “I sense a story there. Fess up, Sergeant Grumpy.”
“Are you gonna keep calling me that?”
“You still call me sunshine.”
“That’s because you are. You’re sunshine and happy personified, which is why I…” I’d almost blurted out I’d hated him, but even I, with my utter lack of dating experience, knew better than to say that. “…disliked you in the beginning.”
“So you’re saying you like me now?”
“I wouldn’t have kissed you otherwise.”
“Jesus Christ, you’re such a romantic. It’s a goddamn miracle no one has snatched you up yet.”
I was ninety-nine point ninety-nine percent sure that was sarcasm. Still, pretending to be thick was so much more fun. Hey, I got my kicks where I could get them. “Thank you. I feel the same way.”
“That wasn’t…” He saw my face, then rolled his eyes. “Good one. Almost had me there.”
“I would have if I hadn’t chosen to give it away.”
He studied me for a few seconds, then nodded. “You do have an excellent poker face.”
“I do like to play poker, so there’s that.”
“I can see why you’d be good at it.”
“I’m good at a lot of things.”
“And so modest.”
I shrugged. “It ain’t bragging if it’s true, and I’m nothin’ but honest about my shortcomings too. Like, I can run a 5K in full battle rattle, but…”
Out of nowhere, it hit me like a slap to my face.
Icouldrun a 5K. Past tense. Somehow, I’d forgotten for a moment that I’d lost a leg, that I couldn’t do that anymore. The grief slammed into me, filling me, threatening to drown me.
The old Creek was gone. I would never be that man again. Would never be able to be confident about my physical abilities, about my endurance, or what I could carry. No, I would foreverbe the guy who lost his leg. The disabled one. The dude with the titanium leg—if I ever got to the point where I could actually walk around on it.
“Creek…” Heath took my hand, lacing our fingers together. He didn’t say anything else, just held on to my hand. Somehow, that meant more than any empty words ever could have. Was it because he knew what this felt like that he didn’t offer false hope or meaningless clichés?
I took a minute to compose myself again, then cleared my throat. “Do you ever just…forget?”
Heath nodded immediately. “I’ve gotten out of bed twice, and somehow in the fog of being barely awake, I’ve forgotten I only have one leg. Fell flat on my face. You should’ve heard Kent yell at me. And in my dreams…”
“…you can still walk. I know. It’s always a disappointment when I wake up.”
“In my dreams, I can still surf and catch the biggest wave. And then, when I’m awake, it’s like I start grieving all over again.”
Grieving. There was that word again. Nash had used it when we’d talked after I’d kissed Heath for the first time, urging me to talk to someone. It felt so…heavy for what I was going through. Yes, I was experiencing a loss, but was it really comparable to losing a loved one? “You think that’s the right word for it? Grief?”
“Itisgrief. We’re mourning who we were and never will be again. The old Creek, in your case. The confident, proud Army sergeant who could beat anyone at anything.”
Despite everything, I cracked a laugh. “That’s eerily accurate. How did you know?”
He grinned. “Dude, you give a whole new meaning to the concept of being competitive.” His laugh faded. “But you hadreason to. I didn’t fully understand that until I heard you talk about your life in the Army. You thrived there.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake, why were my eyes growing moist? What the hell was happening to me? “Can you excuse me for a moment? I need to…” I gestured vaguely, scrambling to come up with an excuse. “Pee. I need to pee.”
