It felt nice to get away. I needed to clear my head and just exist in a place nobody knew me. The appeal of starting over somewhere is starting to look really good to me. I’d miss everyone here too much to actually do it, though.
That’s maybe why it took me so long to reply to you. There are a million things I want to say and have held in for so long that I’ve spooked myself out of speaking them. But being away and finding, I don’t know, fucking peace or whatever it is I was searching for has helped me realize that if I don’t admit them out loud now, I never will.
So here it goes.
I think I’ve always liked you in some way or another. And before you scrunch your brows down at these words, I don’t mean as a friend, which obviously you are to me. Imean it in a different way. The mushy ass romantic kind of like. I’minterestedin you. There, is that better?
Maybe I’ve been gaslighting myself these last nine months, but . . . I think you feel the same. At least a little bit. Before you went away, I saw the way you looked at me when you thought I didn’t notice. Or, how mean you got every time I’d go out on a date. Look at where you are right now. You’re in jail because of the way you protected me. Nobody else would have acted out the way you did if there weren’t some sort of interest there, right? Those aren’t all normal things when you’re just friends.
So, I guess, I just wanted to get that out there so you knew. Obviously, I want you to reply soon and tell me that I haven’t been daydreaming about you for months only to get my heart crushed by sending this.
And before you even think to try and use Ash as an excuse for why I shouldn’t be saying these things, just remember that I love my brother. He’s my twin, and some days, I feel like he’s the only person keeping me together. But I don’t care if this bothers him. If he’s as smart as I know he is, he’ll have already pieced it together on his own and had years to get okay with it. To everyone but you, I haven’t exactly been subtle about this crush. That’s what Lacey told me, anyway.
Okay . . . yeah. It feels good to write this all down and get it out of my head. I hope you reply quickly.
Yours,
Tilly
The crackof a beer bottle lid draws my gaze from the tent peg I’ve half buried in the dirt. My mouth twitches at the corner when Tilly lifts the drink toward me in a silent cheers and then takes a long swig. She’s lounging on top of a picnic table beside Lacey, watching as the rest of us finish setting up the tents we’re staying in tonight.
“Remind me again why we can’t just stay in the cabins?” Shade asks bitterly.
He’s further behind on setting his tent up than I am. Millie’s got two bare knees deep in the mulched ground while reading him the instructions that came with their new tent. It’s a test in their relationship, considering she’s even worse at delivering clear orders than he is at following them. Their bickering got annoying fast, so I’ve tuned them out. Or I had, until Tilly stole all my goddamn attention again.
“They’re all booked,” Ash answers, peeking his head up from behind his tent.
Lacey sips from the straw in her red cup and nods in agreement. “I asked Shelly, but it’s tourist season and all.”
“The mosquitos are going to eat us alive out here.” Shade swats his forearm and hisses.
Tilly keeps her eyes on me, even as she smirks around the rim of her beer bottle. She’s already had a couple since we got here, and I want nothing more than to join her. The mallet in my handgrows heavier when I adjust my grip on it, debating dumping it at my feet.
“If you were done with your tent, you could start a fire. That would keep them away,” Lacey sings.
Shade lets go of a long exhale. “Coming from the two women getting drunk while watching the rest of us do all the work.”
Tilly’s eyes slip away from mine and focus on the complaining, overgrown child. She bends over her crossed legs, draping her hands near her boots. The bottle she’s holding taps her shin to an uneven beat.
“You were supposed to tuck the ends of the poles into the little loops, Shade. That’s why they’re snapping up at you. You’ve got one of them stuck under the corner of the tent.”
A gust of wind has the entire thing lifting from the ground, a pole springing up and smacking him square in the chest. He takes a stumbled step back from it and kicks a biker boot into the air. I pinch my lips together and watch in amused silence.
“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, whirling around to face his girlfriend when her laugh cuts through the clearing. “You think this is funny, do you?”
Millie hides her smile behind the cuff of her pink coat and shakes her head. I hammer the last peg through the loop of our tent and into the ground before standing. Shade doesn’t notice me as I approach, too busy cussing out the tent.
I blink at the mess he’s made of the polyester. “It’s upside down.”
“What? No it’s not,” Millie argues, squinting at it.
Tilly hops off the picnic table, making her way over at a lazy pace. “The door’s on the roof.”
Ash appears on my other side and takes one look at the tent before dropping to a crouch and pinching the corner of the tent. “Dude, you really didn’t notice that none of the corner pockets were facing up?”
“I don’t know shit about tents! We haven’t done this since we were kids,” Shade defends himself.
Millie falls to his side and runs a hand up his back. It looks soft and reassuring, but her words are just as teasing as Tilly’s usually are. “Maybe I’ll crash with the girls tonight instead. You guys could all spend the night together in in your upside-down tent.”
