In case you weren’t counting, that makes two so far.
I don’t regret what I did to Ezra. He deserved every fucking hit I gave him, and every breath he took that feltlike ice chips stabbing his lungs. One second of that video was enough for me to make the decision I did. I didn’t hesitate, didn’t consider the consequences. All I knew was that he needed to be taught a lesson for the way he betrayed you.
My third lie was telling you that I would have done the same for Lacey.I wouldn’t have.
There would have been retribution. She’s still your closest friend, and we all know what she means to Ash. But she isn’t you. Nobody could ever fucking be you.
Everything you think you know, or that you saw, is right. I’m begging you to give me the chance to prove just how right you were.
That’s three lies, Tilly. I refuse to make it four.
Tell me you still want me, because the only thing I know right now, trapped in this box, is that I want you, too. I’ll take the risk with you. If I don’t, I’m going to spend the rest of my life hating myself for it.
I’m yours if you want me to be.
Rowe
Pain ripples through every inch of my body.
I fall back on the bed. One hand grips the letter so tightly I fear it might rip while the other clutches the duvet beside my thigh. Tears make the messy words blur on the page untilI’m blinking so quickly to clear my eyes that more are falling, soaking into the paper.
A decade of resentment and blooming anger was wasted on the words he wrote in the last letter I had received. Longer than that, considering how desperately I tried to push him away when I got back to town.So much wasted time.
“You should have given this to me,” I bite out, unable to smother my temper.
“And if I had? Neither of you were ready for what I thought would happen if you’d read what you just did back then. I had no way of knowing if he had sent an apology or another letter that would have broken your heart further. I’ve made peace with knowing you may hate me for keeping this from you, but it’s the choice I made after having been the one here consoling you through the months you grieved him.”
My flinch is instant. The heartache I lived with during the months leading to my move was the kind that stuck like a sliver caught too deep beneath a fingertip. It was sharp and jarring at first, and then once I thought I’d forgotten about it and could move on, it would get pressed on again when I least expected it.
The nights I spent curled up in bed crying for myself and everyone I loved while my mom held me together were accompanied by a guilt that I never want to live through again. Not only had I lost my best friend, but also the man I thought would have been mine for . . . well, ever. Ash lost a brother, and it was all because of me. Far beyond my ill-timed admission, I knew I was the reason he was locked up.
Lifehurt. It was fucking miserable.
I flick my eyes up at her, letting the letter fall to my lap. “I didn’t grieve him. He didn’t die.”
“Death isn’t the only reason we grieve, Tilly.”
“Do you want me to say thank you for keeping this a secret?” I swallow what would have been a bitter, detached laugh. “Hetold me he sent this, and I didn’t believe him. I tried, but after the last few words he ever said to me, how was I supposed to?”
“He won’t hold this against you. This has been a long, long time coming, sweetheart.”
But that’s the thing. She doesn’t know that.
I ran from him tonight the same way he’d run from me a decade ago, only this time, I had him the way I’d wanted then. What does that make me?
I’m goddamn terrified to find out.
40
TILLY
I’d meantto go back to the campsite. And if I hadn’t been leaving my parents’ house at the same time Dad was returning, I would have.
“Take the truck,” he’d said before tossing me the keys and heading inside without a question as to why I was there or a look back.
Clearly, it was obvious to everyone, including myself, that something wasn’t quite right with me. I needed something more than what I’d gotten from the letter. After all these years, it should have been enough to read those words and run back into Rowe’s arms like I hadn’t left them in the first place. But it wasn’t, and I don’t know why.
That’s why I’m here, lurking in front of Rowe’s cabin on the ranch I once considered a second home with my heart battering in my throat.
