The moment we step outside, I gulp in a deep breath, the cool night air washing over me like a lifeline. Marcus and Enzo are right behind us, their faces etched with the same grim resignation.
“Why would he do this?” Lily whispers, her voice cracking under the weight of her grief.
“Because he’s Jax,” Enzo replies, his tone harsh. “And Jax doesn’t know how to ask for help.”
The hope in Lily’s eyes dims a little more.
I’m scared too. Scared that this time, Jax won’t come back.
“I remember that time we found him sleeping on a bench in Central Park. He wasn’t even high,” I say, forcing a smile. “He said he was ‘communing with nature’ or some crap like that. Maybe he’s found another park and is talking to the trees.”
Lily gives a small, sad smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”
I know she doesn’t believe it. Hell, I don’t believe it either. We’ve already combed through every park in the city. This isn’t New York—there’s barely any greenery here. And Jax isn’t just taking a breather. This is different. It feels like he’s slipping further and further away, and we’re powerless to stop him.
The night drags on, each passing hour draining our energy and hope. Marcus keeps us moving, his determination unwavering. Enzo’s anger seems to fuel him, each failed search making him more relentless.
And Lily… Lily is falling apart.
As dawn approaches, we find ourselves back where we started, standing on a deserted street corner. The city’s early morning chill seeps into our bones, matching the cold fear gripping our hearts.
“We need to go back to the bus,” Marcus says finally in a tired voice. “Maybe he’s there. Maybe he came back and is waiting for us.”
We all agreed that we shouldn’t move the bus in case Jax made his way back. When we initially asked, Marcus spent nearly an hour on the phone, covering for Lily and pleading with Harris to buy us a few days to search and wait. But those days are slipping away faster than sand through an open hand.
I try not to dwell on it, but the pressure looms heavy.
Lily nods, too exhausted to argue. Enzo calls for a ride and we wait together on the side of the street in silence. Marcus tugs Lily against his side and she melts into him, burying her face in his chest.
When the van pulls up to the curb, we climb in without a word. The silence is heavy, each passing moment stretching the journey further as we approach the bus. When we finally reach it, the stillness feels jarring, a stark contrast to the chaos we’ve experienced throughout the night.
“Jax?” Marcus calls out as we step inside. “You here?”
There’s no response. The bus is empty. Silent.
Lily walks to the counter and picks up the crumpled note from Jax, her fingers trembling slightly. She doesn’t need to read it aloud; the words are already seared into all of our minds.I’m sorry I keep fucking everything up. You are better off without me.Her shoulders sag as she places the note back down, leaning against the counter for support.
“We’ll find him,” I say, but the words are a hollow, empty reassurance. “We have to.”
Enzo suddenly punches the wall, the sound of cracking sharp in the silence. His frustration boils over his voice thick with anger. “Why can’t he keep his shit together?”
Lily straightens, immediately moving to Enzo’s side. She grabs his hand, her fingers gently tracing over his knuckles, checking for damage. “Hurting yourself won’t make it better,” she says softly, her tone calm and sweet, though the worry in her eyes betrays her.
“No, it won’t,” Marcus agrees firmly. His voice cuts through the tension, steady and commanding. “We all need to get some rest. We’ll figure out a new plan in the morning once we’ve had a chance to recharge.”
Lily nods, her shoulders squaring as if summoning her resolve. “You’re right, Marcus. We can’t do anything until we take care of ourselves.”
Enzo’s gaze softens as he looks down at her, his usual sharp edges momentarily dulled. He flips his hand to intertwine his fingers with hers. “Join me in my bunk?” he asks, his voice quieter now.
She nods, then moves toward the bathroom. As she passes me, she presses a soft kiss to my cheek, her touch lingering for just a moment. Then she gives Marcus a warm hug before disappearing behind the bathroom door. The latch clicks softly, and the sound of the sink running breaks the tense silence of the bus.
I glance at Marcus, my voice low as I finally give voice to the fear that’s been clawing at me all night. “Do you think he’ll be okay?”
Marcus exhales a heavy sigh, his expression weighed down by the same worry. “I don’t know, Dylan,” headmits, his tone grim. “I really don’t. But we have to try. We can’t let him go without a fight.”
In the stillness of the early morning, the reality of our situation hits hard. We have to find Jax. We have to bring him home. For the band, for Lily, and most of all, for Jax himself.
CHAPTER 2
