I didn’t know.
I wasn’t sure about anything when it came to relationshipsanymore. My whole foundation oftrust no oneandmen are good for one night only, was crumbling. Myel’s bond had forced me to consider the possibility of a long-term relationship.
What would that be like?
If it was anything like last night, but all the time… that wouldn’t be so bad. I’d been smiling just a moment ago because of howconnectedI’d felt to Rook and Myel.
It had felt good.
But… now that that joy had faded, doubts creeped in. Could I really be what they needed? I was only one woman, and a pretty messed up one at that. I had my fair share of issues. And I was a needy woman as well, with nothing to my name in this world. Ineededtheir help to get by, but did I need them emotionally?
I was trying to open up to Myel, but it hadn’t been easy. Even our walk on the beach last night, which was supposed to have been a chance to talk and get to know each other, just turned into another make-out session. Then we’d both been sidetracked by Vyns showing up.
And Rook…
I had a feeling he didn’t want anything lasting, just another “fix” of being with me and Myel. But addiction wasn’t something to build a relationship on.
Apparently even after the best sexual experience of my life with two — seemingly — caring men, I could still question whether I was worth any of that.
Fuck.
Why did I have to make everything so complicated?
Though, to be fair, my life was pretty damned complicated right now.
Rook lent me his computer so I’d have something to take notes on but otherwise left me alone after that to allay anysuspicions Saldrea might have about him. Either that… or he really did need some space after last night.
I probably should discuss it with him, but talking emotions with a guy wasn’t my strong suit. So I angsted about it instead.
By the time class was over, I was questioning everything. And Ireally didfeel horrible that I didn’t have a room to go back to.
Saldrea must have seen this, since she left me alone after class, a smug smile on her face.
Vyns however…
“Hey, you okay? I heard what happened to your room.” He seemed upset. “I can’t believe Koar would do that. He’s not a bad guy, just… a little too loyal to the crown.”
Whatever, I didn’t want to talk about the dragon.
And since I felt crappy about not having a room to go back to — well, I did, but it was Rook’s, and I wasn’t looking forward to talking to him — I wanted a distraction.
Though, if Vyns hadn’t left Saldrea’s service yet, could I trust him? I’d given him that ultimatum only yesterday — God, it felt like weeks since then — but still…
Yes, I could trust him. He knew about me and Myel, and Saldrea clearly didn’t, so he hadn’t told her. He’d kept our secret despite how worked up he’d been when he’d found us last night.
So… maybe…
“Can we just… walk for a while?” I asked.
He nodded, though as he took my arm and we began to walk, he seemed different, sullen.
“Thank you, for… not telling Saldrea on me,” I began.
He grunted.
“Doyoutrustme?” I asked, curious.
He sighed. “Last night was a shock and I’m still workingthrough it. I… I understand your situation now and why you have to be with… that man, but…”
