Heneededthis world to change, that much was clear. And he believed I was the one to do it, that I was strongenough to take on Saldrea. I wasn’t so sure, but still, every time I talked to Vyns I felt so very seen and revered. I wanted to live up to the potential he saw in me. I might not trust him yet, but of everyone here, he’d always lifted me up.
It was also clear he wanted to be more than friends but seemed to have an aversion to me seeing others.
I shook my head.That, at least, wasn’t something I needed to figure out. It was his choice, his decision to make. If he wanted to be with me, he needed to work out how he felt… and leave Saldrea. Then… maybe… I could start to trust him.
I continued on my way to see Myel, and as I descended the stairs of The Tumble to the beach, my heart began to beat harder, faster.
I might have been the tiniest bit scared.
Myel had asked for this time alone, away from everything. He wanted to get to know me, get closer to me, be intimate in more than just a physical way. And I could see a certain sense in getting to know the man I was bound to, but also…
That level of intimacy terrified the fuck out of me.
Giving a man my body — especially only for one night — was one thing, but my heart…? That had been off limits for ages.
Everyone I’d ever loved had left me… or I’d been forced to leave them.
Old Lady Moonie had been a kind and wonderful foster mother… till she’d died when I’d been ten. And with her, I’d lost Mitch, an older brother in the foster system who’d been good to me. I’d looked up to him, admired him, wanted to be like him. But when Moonie had passed, we’d been separated, sent to different homes and I’d never seen him again.
I’d gotten close to my three sisters in my next fosterhome. A sisterhood I hadn’t fully understood until the night my foster father had crawled into bed with me. He’d done nothing more than stroke my hair, while I’d prayed for his balls to shrivel up and fall off. Then, as if my prayers had been answered, he’d left in a hurry, thank God! After that I’d becomeveryclose with those girls. We’d helped each other remain strong and sane. And when Mister Paterson had been hauled away by the cops, we’d been overjoyed, but soon after, we’d all been separated, the bond broken.
Two homes later, the Bloomfields had been great foster parents, my last set. They’d helped me rein in my wild side while also allowing me lots of freedom to explore my late teen years. We’d had game nights and backyard fires with s’mores, and I’d started to feel… normal after a lifetime of pain.
But then I’d aged out of the system and as much as they’d wanted to keep me and help me, they couldn’t afford it. I’d offered to get a job to help, since college wasn’t really an option for me, and for a few months that had worked. But when they’d had a chance to help another girl who needed their love, they took it… and hadn’t had room for me anymore. I’d understood, but it had still hurt.
After that, I’d been on my own, and I’d found a certain satisfaction in that. No one could leave me or hurt me if I was alone.
But now…
Myel wouldn’t leave me, not willingly… but this world was so brutal that I couldn’t discount some tragic accident taking him. And what then?
I’d go mad or die.
So… did that mean Ishouldinvest myself in him and enjoy the time we had? Probably, but I still couldn’t quite convince my terrified little heart of that.
Maybe tonight would help. An easy night. Relaxing together, nothing forced.
Because the other option was to remain distant, and I honestly didn’t know if that would work with Myel. He was a good man, and I didn’t want to hurt him.
But I also didn’t want him to hurt me.
“Izzy?” his voice drifted out from the shadows of the cliffs along the beach.
I put on a smile and went to him. Not that I could see him. In the growing dark, with the shadow of the cliffs, all I saw were patches of deeper darkness.
“You lookamazing,” Myel breathed, stepping out of the shadows.
I got the feeling he’d put on his best outfit, but his dark shirt was faded and though not tattered or torn, it had clearly been mended in a few places. His long coat looked like it too had once been nice, a bit of embroidery around the fringes and polished buttons, but it was also ragged at the edges. Still, he looked dashing and every inch the Goth hero.
“So do you,” I said honestly. Adam Driver and Timothy Chalamet were no longer needed for me to dream of my perfect Goth man.
He wrapped me in strong, comforting arms as our lips met. The bond called, but not aggressively, so we could enjoy this simple contact, our lips playing and brushing softly before opening and deepening and… wow. Rook’s kiss last night had been sinful, but this was gentle and soft and caring anddeep. Myel really knew how to throw all of himself into a single — if very long — kiss.
Yet when he pulled back there was concern on his features.
“You smell… like another man.” He drew in a long breath through his nose. “A seraph?”
Wow, shifters had excellent olfactory senses. I’d even showered after my date with Vyns.
