He looked up, eyes red-rimmed, tears on his cheeks. “How can you say that?” His voice broke, raw and hoarse.
How could I? I wasn’t exactly sure, but I knew one thing, “What you saw, me and Leo, that wasn’t love.” It had been rawand hot and immediate. Gods, it had been great sex, but not really love, I was sure of that.
He sniffed. “How can you love me and still fuck him?”
That… was more complicated.
“I… had wanted to talk to you, about what you’d said yesterday, but then… what happened with Leo… just happened. I still need to talk to you, and make sense of everything I’m feeling, but none of this is working out like I thought it would.”
“None of this? None of… what?” He sighed heavily. “You want to talk. Talk, but I can see your aura. It’s all yellow and orange and sienna right now… LOTS of sienna!”
I didn’t know what that meant. “Is that bad?”
“It means you’re very aroused and blissful and excited. I canseethe results of what you were just doing, Dizzy. It’s…” His jaw tightened and twitched. He looked away.
“Oh… sorry.” I didn’t know how to respond to that. “Can you see that I want to be honest with you right now? That it’s the truth when I say that was something I didn’t mean to happen and that I do… love you? Can you see that?”
Gods, I hoped that was the truth. I didn’t know what he could see with his emotion-color-sense-thingy.
He faced me again. His jaw tensed. He seemed angry. He shook his head. “I don’t know how that can be true, but I can see it. Your blue is strengthening. I’ll be keeping an eye on that as you talk, so… talk.”
Blue? Blue was honesty? Interesting.
He shook his head, as if what he saw didn’t make any sense to him. He couldn’t believe it, not yet.
I closed the door and leaned against it with a heavy sigh. How… how did I say this? I tried to recall Veora’s words but couldn’t.
Time to say it my way.
“I… I want to have a different relationship with you Daz. I’m… exploring many facets of myself right now, and apparently there are several men — well, three men including you — interested in me. Leo is one of them. I… I don’t know who I want to be with yet, but I’d like to explore a relationship with all of you. I’m glad you were honest with me and said what you did. It’s taken me a while, but I’ve begun to see you in a different way as well. I’d like to explore that with you, if you’re willing, but you have to know I’ll be exploring it with others at the same time. If… if you really want me to be happy and find a true and perfect love in my life, then hopefully you’ll let this happen and perhaps that love will be with you.”
Daz looked confused. “You want to… be with three men… at the same time?”
I got a little defensive. “It’s not like most men don’t fool around with lots of women before finding the one they’ll settle down with. Why can’t a woman?”
Daz’s expression hardened. “I’m not like that. I’ve never been like that. I’ve always known you were the only one for me.”
Oh. Right.
“Well, I love you, Daz. I love you as I’ve always loved you, and I can see the potential to love you in a different way as well. But it’s going to take some time for me to adjust. I had hoped we’d do that together.”
“While you’re fucking other guys?” Bitterness poured out of his words.
“Ah… well, yes.” I had to be honest. “But you see, that’s the whole point!”
“To fuck other guys?” He was wide-eyed, incredulous.
“No, listen. With Leo and—” Fuck, say it, be honest, “—with Kel, I?—”
“You’re back with Kel?”
“He’s the third man, yes. We talked recently and found out all our anger and resentment came from a massive misunderstanding. We’re going to try being together again, butlistenDaz, this is important!”
His jaw twitched, perhaps from keeping it so tightly closed, but he nodded.
“With Kel, all I ever had was a physical relationship, nothing more. There really wasn’t any love.” We’d only just been getting to that point when we’d made our mistakes and shattered our chances.
“And with Leo, well that’s complicated. And what happened today is only going to make it more complicated. But with him as well, it was a mostly physical thing. With Leo and Kel, what I’ll need to explore is less about sex and more about what you’ve always been to me, which is a companion who’s there for me in other ways. That won’t be easy.”
