I told myself it had been because she’d been half naked, but the truth was, I didn’t know. Perhaps, even if she’d been dressed, I’d have run away, a true coward, unable to express my feelings to the woman I loved.
I screamed again and slammed my fist into a tall post at the end of the pier. But I still had my body infused with strength and vitality, so I shattered the eight-inch-thick post, sending splinters and wood fragments flying in all directions.
Several fishermen around me shouted and called out in alarm, though, luckily none were hurt.
I shook my head, letting the colors seep out of me, my shoulders slumping. This was who I was: a coward with strength he didn’t deserve.
How could I ever face Dizzy again?
She was perfect: strong and sure and beautiful, even if she didn’t see it. I’d thought, after my last breakdown — after she’d asked me to warm her bath — that I’d come to terms with just being her “brother.” I’d be there for her in every way she needed me to be, cooking and doing all things domestic. I liked doing those things for her, but now…
I just…
How could I go back after I’d run off like that?
Sighing heavily, I turned and slunk back through the city. I’d find some inn and stay the night. Tomorrow I’d sneak back tothe cottage while Dizzy was out and gather my things. I couldn’t be around her anymore.
She wouldn’t want me.
She was fearless.
And I was a craven fool. I didn’t deserve her.
For all my power… I was a wretch of a man.
I wept then, hot bitter tears as I made my way through the city in shame.
CHAPTER 12
Tisera
I was concerned about Daz.
I hadn’t seen him since he’d run off yesterday. He’d seemed shocked and ashamed after walking in on me changing. I didn’t know why. We’d grown up together and seen pretty much everything there was to see when bathing as youths. Sure, he was bigger now and I assumed all parts of him had grown, even if I hadn’t seen them, but… what did that matter? We were family. We were close.
When I’d been in Drako’s Dragoons, I’d been the only woman, so I’d done as the men had done. I’d bathed and camped with them. They’d seen all of me. Some of them had been awkward about it, but it wasn’t as if there was a women’s area for anything, so what choice did I have? Eventually most of the men in my company had become like family. I’d been “just another guy” to them.
For my part, I’d learned not to care much for my modesty. I was a warrior. Warriors didn’t have modesty.
I’d thought it the same with Daz, but it seemed perhaps, he didn’t see it that way. Was he really that sensitive?
Perhaps?
“What are you thinking about? You’ve been quiet all morning.” Veora’s words brought me out of my reverie and I smiled at her. We were returning from a morning visit with the prince. It was just before noon and the city bustled with activity.
“Nothing,” I lied. “Just… family stuff.”
“You haven’t said much about your family,” she said. “What are they like?”
I smiled, realizing we were just about to cross Outer Ring Road, the wide boulevard on which I lived.
“Would you like to meet them?” I asked. “We’re not far from my house. I could make you lunch. Though my lunches are nothing spectacular. If Daz is there, he’ll whip us up something amazing. He’s my brother. He’s who I was just thinking about.” But… would he be there? He hadn’t returned after running off yesterday. Hence why I was worried for him.
“Oh! That would be wonderful. Yes, I’d love to see where you live,” Veora replied with a wide smile.
“This way then,” I said, turning onto the road. She followed and soon enough we were at my long lane.
“This is where you live? It’s lovely!” Veora gushed. “I love the trees and the lawns. I wouldn’t have expected this inside the city.”
