She came directly to me. “It went well?” I could hear the concern in her voice, even as I caught her gaze moving around, counting us.
“Yes, Crane, we’re all here.” I sighed heavily. “The war in Vauphan is done for now.” Lowering my voice so only she could hear, I added, “I have no clue what to do next.”
She smiled sympathetically. “You’d be surprised how often Maverick said that.”
Iwassurprised, and my shock must have shown, as her smile widened and she put an arm around me, comforting, motherly. Drawing me aside from the others for a moment, she spoke softly. “He made certain he was always calm and sure in front of the rest of you, but I had many sleepless nights with him pacing around a room, frantic and uncertain. He always found the right thing to do, the right things to say, as I’m sure you will too. And if you need me to stay up and watch you pace while we consider ideas, I’m here for you.”
“I appreciate that, thank you,” I said and moved in to hug her close. “I may just take you up on that… tomorrow. Today, what remains of it, is for mending and celebration.”
She nodded to that. “I’ll have a feast prepared.”
I hugged her again then moved away, going to Alvere. Kissing him lightly on the cheek, I whispered, “I have a few things I need to do. Make yourself at home, and I’ll join up with you later.”
He smiled at that thought and I directed him into Sparrow’s custody to be shown around.
Which left the largest item on my to do list: Ant.
I’d caught him heading down the stairs as soon as we’d arrived. I quickly asked where his room was, and went to it. There was no door to knock upon, only heavy curtain, so I just entered.
I caught him mostly naked, perhaps readying for sleep, even though it was mid-afternoon. He saw me, paused with his pants halfway down his legs, then with a lifeless look in his eyes simply shrugged and continued.
“What?” he asked heavily, not seeming to care that he was naked.
I… probably should have cared more. He was a member of my house and I should respect that, but… wow what a body he had. He was muscular and large, I’d seen him without a shirt before: his dark skin bulging with muscles, thick across his shoulders, chest, and arms. Now I saw his tight round butt, thick powerful legs and a swinging shaft that made my mouth dry up and my legs grow a little weak.
He sat heavily on his bed and I heard it creek.
“What?” he repeated, and I realized I’d been staring at him.
I sighed and — trying not to ogle him — went to sit on the bed, staying toward the far end from him.
“You’re hurting,” I said, not really knowing how to have this conversation. “I can see it. Everyone can see it.”
His head fell, his gaze upon the thick carpet over the stone floor. He leaned forward elbows on knees to hold his head as if the world itself weighed upon his shoulders. “She’s gone,” he said, voice hollow and pained. “I thought killing Jaguar would help, but… it didn’t. There was a moment of satisfaction at making him suffer, but then…”
“I know,” I confided, shifting just a bit closer to reach out my arm and stroke his back: his Oh-My-Spirits hard-ridged, massive, V-shaped back. “I thought killing Lady Claw would make me feel better, and it did, for the briefest of moments, but now… I still feel hollow. Her death didn’t bring Maverick back.”
Ant nodded slowly. “What do I do?” He sounded so small and uncertain, so unlike himself.
I had no clue. “What do you need?” I asked.
“I… I…” He swallowed hard, voice becoming husky. “I never got to tell her how I felt. I… I think she knew, but I… I just wanted to say it, to say that I loved her and to say good-bye and… Spirits, I just want to hold her again, even if it’s just for one last time.”
I shifted closer still, though I couldn’t reach across that broad back of his to hold him, hug him.
Then I had an idea.
“Close your eyes,” I said softly. I didn’t know if he complied or not, I couldn’t see his face hidden behind his hands. “Now… hold me. Imagine I’m her. Tell me what you need to say.”
He shifted, his face turning toward me. But he hadn’t closed his eyes, and those dark orbs gazed at me for a long moment, tears on his cheeks.
I shifted close, right next to him now, feeling the power of his form so near to me. I lowered my voice, made it breathy and soft. I’d never fully sound like Amber, but this would be close.
“Close your eyes,” I said again in that voice and I saw him wince, then sigh and shut his eyes.
He turned, reaching out, awkward but tender, to put a large, strong hand on my leg. I flushed a little at his touch, how he slid his hand up to my hip, then onto my waist and up, slowly, to my shoulder then my face, gently cupping my cheek.
“Amber?” He said, hopefully imagining her.
