Ah, yes, I see now.
I looked at Creek directly and decided to just shut down any other offers like that now, from him or any other boys. “I’m not here to flirt or fulfill any boyish fantasies. I’m here to Bond with my Lumani, then test to become a Noble. Got it?” I looked directly at Creek, then the other boys, since something told me others might want to make similar offers to Creek’s.
To be fair, you were the one strutting around like a peacock yesterday. Did your parents never teach you about the consequences of your actions? Despite her words, Auwei was giggling.
They did, yes. I just don’t often think that far ahead. I just wanted to have fun yesterday, make an… interesting first impression.I only realized after the fact that I hadn’t vocalized those words. Up till now I’d spoke aloud to Auwei, but it seemed, when not thinking about it — or perhaps when knowing I might be overheard — I’d inherently used an “inside” voice.
You’re learning. Good,Auwei said.And you definitely made one Pits of an impression on everyone yesterday. Just look at those hungry eyes. If you hadn’t said what you did, you’d have been fighting these boys off for a while. Also, in case you hadn’t noticed, I think you’ve made some enemies among the girls, too.
Perhaps I was tired or a bit distracted by these young men, but I asked Auwei,Enemies? What? Why?
Over there to your left, two tables down.
I looked. A group of girls was staring daggers at me.
Auwei said:A lot of Noble Houses intermarry, and they would have told their children to be scouting possible mates at Silverveil. But right now, you’re sort of hogging all the guys.
Trust me, I’m more than willing to share.
Yeah, but right now… half the guys in this room only have eyes for you. And those girls are seeing the same thing. You may be making that speech a lot over the next little while.
Oh.
I hurriedly finished my breakfast and excused myself, noting how many pairs of eyes, male and female, followed me. It seemed that in my short time here, I’d made a lot of sort-of-friends and definite-enemies.
I rushed back to my room, hoping to have a moment alone, but was surprised to find a small, elderly woman waiting for me.
“Take off the dress,” she said with a sniff. “So’s I can measure you.”
Oh… right… seamstress. Still, I was a little taken aback by her forward manner. It took me a moment of standing there dumb before I began to unbutton the dress. I was then subjected to various indignities as the old woman poked and prodded and measured.
“Thank the Spirits you’ve already got a woman’s figure. I hate making girls’ dresses, especially at this age, when they’re likely to grow out of them in a month. If’n you don’t mind a bit of advice from an old woman, you’re a little too straight and thin. Eat more lamb and pork, put a little meat on ya. It’ll help with childbirth and…” She chuckled. “Well… all the bits that get you with child to begin with.”
I was fairly certain I blushed down to my toes at that.
She was finished soon enough, and I dressed again. She moved on to another room, and I decided to get some air before morning classes. A chill breeze was sweeping up over the high plateau on which Silverveil was situated. I was certain it would rain before the day was out. I went out behind the girl’s dorm and climbed the stairs to a lookout tower to gaze out over the wall. Fog sat heavily over the rolling hills beyond.
Auwei perched on my shoulder quietly.
Prompted by the seamstress’s comments I asked Auwei. “Have you ever had kids?” Here, with no one around I felt comfortable voicing my words again.
Yes. I’ve been a mother five times and a father once.
“What’s the big deal?” I wasn’t sure I wanted kids.
She sighed.It’s hard to explain. And just so we’re clear, it is up to you, and I’ll be well if you decide not to have any. I’ll say this much. Raising children is the hardest, most grueling, and exhausting thing I’ve ever done, but also the most rewarding, the most joyful. Yet, you can have a very full life without them as well, I’ve done that three times and been quite happy.
“Ah…” That hadn’t really answered anything.
If you don’t want kids, what do you want? Auwei asked.
“That again?” I said, deflecting. I still didn’t have a good answer for the question she’d asked during The Choosing.
Auwei chuckled.It wasn’t a test. I’m just curious. I Chose you because of a fire and strength of spirit I felt from you, but it seems to come and go. I think, once you know what it is you truly want in life, you’ll have that fire within you all the time. I would love to help you find that.
I sighed. She was right, but I still didn’t know. “I’ll figure it out,” I murmured and promised myself I’d do some thinking on it.
A bell rang for first classes, and I hurried down from my perch to join my group.
