It was a very short journey back to Paulette’s and she chatted the whole way about how proud she was of the girls and the way they all stayed in contact despite only seeing each other every Christmas and perhaps once more during the year. I nodded and smiled but my thoughts were elsewhere. If I’d made different choices, would I have had grandchildren like Paulette did? Would I be the one slipping them pocket money and being crushed in grateful hugs? Would I be the person they turned to in their hour of need like Saffy had turned to Paulette? It must be incredible to be so loved, wanted and needed.
22
Having donned our walking boots, waterproofs and hats, Paulette and I set off on our walk. As we wandered through the village, I asked if there was any news from Saffy’s parents. Paulette hadn’t spoken to either of them but they’d phoned Saffy a couple of times, both calls ending in tears.
‘I just can’t understand why anyone would push away their only child like that,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Saffy’s so hurt by it all that she says she can’t imagine ever living at home again. As you might have gathered from the job conversation earlier, she’s asked if she can stay with me permanently.’
‘Oh! That’s a pretty big deal.’ And one I could personally relate to. Although the scenarios were different, the outcome was the same and, no matter how brave a face Saffy put on it, her heart had to be broken. Mine had been and I hadn’t been close to Dad or Marianne.
‘Isn’t it?’ Paulette said. ‘I’ve no problem with her staying – I’m loving the company and she’s a delight to have around so I told her she’s very welcome – but I’m concerned about the impact on her relationship with her parents. What if it causes a rift that can’t be healed?’
‘Surely they’ll come round when they’ve had some more time to think about it.’
‘I hope so, Yvonne. I really do. Families should be there to heal each other – not to be the ones causing the wounds.’
Absolutely that, but life was rarely that straightforward.
A little later, we arrived at Willowdale Hall and peeked through the wrought-iron gates into the estate, but couldn’t see anything as the old manor house – owned by Christian’s son, Oliver – was set way back beyond the sweeping driveway. It had been going through a major conversion since the start of last summer to make it part home, part luxury holiday apartments.
‘My neighbour’s daughter runs the alpaca-walking business,’ I told Paulette as we continued our walk alongside the estate grounds, spotting a few alpacas in the field. ‘I keep meaning to book a walk.’
‘Me too. You know what? I bet Saffy, Mila and Naomi would love it. Why don’t we see if we can all book one for tomorrow? I don’t imagine all the slots will be filled at this time of year.’
‘Much as I’ve loved spending time with you all today, you don’t see your granddaughters that often so I think you should do it together, but let me know how you get on and maybe you and I can book a walk together another day.’
‘That’s a plan,’ Paulette said. ‘How are you getting on with your journal, by the way?’
‘It’s finished. I really enjoyed doing it.’
‘That’s good. Saffy mentioned accidentally seeing a couple of your entries when she stayed over – something about Trevor wafting a piece of paper across to her? She hasn’t broken any confidences but she did ask a bit later if I’d be interested in meeting anyone and whether I thought it was ever too late to find love. I put two and two together and might have got five, but if I got four…’
I couldn’t be annoyed with Saffy as she clearly hadn’t told Paulette what she’d seen and, even if she had, I wouldn’t have minded.
‘You got four,’ I admitted. ‘I used Saffy’s questions and followed my gut like she suggested. Love came up and that’s what Saffy saw, although I told her I wouldn’t have the first idea how to meet anyone at my age.’
‘To be honest, I don’t think it’s easy at any age, but sometimes the unexpected happens. After Hector died, I never expected to meet someone else but I did.’
‘What happened to Hector?’ All I knew was he’d died young.
‘He’d been on a work trip to South America and came back with what we thought was a bout of flu but he began really struggling for breath. At the hospital, they told me his organs were shutting down and I should prepare myself for the worst. Within twenty-four hours, he was gone. He was only thirty-four, for goodness’ sake.’
‘That’s so young. Must have been a heck of a shock.’
‘I wouldn’t believe them at first. I was convinced they’d mixed up patient records but there I was, widowed in my mid-thirties thanks to some rare virus and suddenly a single parent. Martha was sixteen, David thirteen and Julia nearly ten so they were my only focus. The thought of meeting someone new never even crossed my mind.’
We’d reached a bench overlooking Derwent Water so we sat down while Paulette continued her story.
‘Meeting Stephen was one of those things that happen unexpectedly. His wife had had a short battle with cancer so, like me, he was adjusting to life as a single parent. His daughter, Nicola, was in the same class as Julia at primary school and Stephen and I both got roped into being the parent helpers on a school trip to Blackpool. We’d never met before but we sat together on the coach and talked non-stop.
‘We were friends for a couple of years but realised one day that we both felt more. I’d never imagined I’d fall in love again but we had thirty-eight wonderful years together – nearly twice as long as I had with Hector.’
‘Stephen died recently?’ I prompted when Paulette fell silent, her gaze directed across the lake to the fells on the east side.
‘Two and a half years ago – heart attack while he was descending Walla Crag.’
I realised it was Walla Crag Paulette was looking at – a lovely walk which I’d completed with Cliff on several occasions with stunning views over the lake and surrounding area.
‘Were you with him?’ I asked.
