‘You sound really positive.’
‘I feel it. Finally making the decision that it’s over has lifted such a weight from me and it’s all thanks to Saffy’s journal questions. They forced me to do some serious soul searching.’
‘They were good questions.’
‘How have you got on with the rest of yours? You mentioned the house move, but was there anything else big?’
So many things but our lunch would arrive at any moment and my life story was not something I could casually share between mouthfuls of roast potato and Yorkshire pudding. When I let Milly in – which I absolutely would – I wanted to be able to take my time. It also felt fairer to keep today about Milly and the momentous decision she’d made about her future. I was beyond flattered that she’d sought me out to share such a major life decision with me, demonstrating trust and friendship.
‘A few biggies, but I’ll tell you about them when they’re set in stone. I do have another confirmed entry in mythings to seesection. Cliff and I used to go out a lot and I’ve become a bit reclusive since he died so I’m determined to get out and about more. We used to be regulars at the cinema and theatre and I haven’t been since, so if you ever fancy going to either…?’
‘Ooh, I’d love to! I haven’t been to the cinema in ages and I can’t remember the last time I went to the theatre. Count me in.’
Our meals did arrive at that point and, as we tucked in, we talked about films, plays and musicals we’d seen and loved. I discovered that Milly had also had a Tom Cruise crush with film posters fromCocktailandRain Manon her bedroom walls. We had so much in common and Milly was beginning to feel like a kindred spirit.
‘I wish I could stay here chatting to you all afternoon,’ she said a little later, ‘but I have to get back to do some work. Why don’t we make Sunday lunch a regular thing – maybe the first Sunday of each month?’
‘That would be great.’
‘Excellent.’ She checked her diary on her phone. ‘The first Sunday in February is the first of the month. Typing it in now. Lunch… with… Yvonne.’ She looked up with a wide smile. ‘Done.’
We left the pub and paused outside.
‘Thank you for today,’ she said. ‘I really needed a friend and you’ve perked me up no end.’
She hugged me and my heart soared as I hugged her back. First Paulette and now Milly making me feel needed and important. Joining Cake & Craft Club had already changed my life and I couldn’t help thinking this was just the tip of the iceberg with so much more to come.
14
Back at home after my Sunday roast with Milly, I couldn’t stop smiling as I wrote our February lunch date on the calendar – my first entry that wasn’t a Cake & Craft Club meeting! Was this the start oflivingfor me? I added in the first Sunday for the next few months and felt hopeful about adding further events, although I realised that meant me stepping forward and taking the lead rather than waiting for the others to suggest them. Milly had shown a clear interest in the cinema and theatre and we’d exchanged phone numbers so I’d definitely get in touch when I spotted something that would appeal to us both.
Inspired by the way in which Milly’s journal had instigated such a major change in her life, I looked back over what I’d written. I still couldn’t think of a thirdstartentry but the others definitely reflected how I wanted my year to pan out. My priority waslivingand I felt as though I’d made great progress with that and would continue to do so as long as I kept the momentum going. As forstart lovingandfeel love, it could relate to friendship and it could also mean self-love – something Idefinitelyneeded to work on – but my real intention was romantic love. Like Milly, I wanted to find someone special who loved me with all their heart in every way possible for the rest of my days. I closed my eyes, hoping to manifest it, but all I could conjure up was Will’s face.
‘Stop it!’ I murmured to myself. ‘You had your chance and you blew it.’
* * *
That evening, I went online and ordered some washi tape and stickers in designs which reflected my plans. The following morning, I nipped into Keswick to check out the shops stocking stationery and craft supplies and bought up a few more items, which meant I could crack on with my journal rather than waiting for my online order to arrive. Committing most of the entries to paper gave me a fizz of excitement around taking control of my life at last and pulling myself out of my reclusive slump. But the entry around stoppingchasing a relationship with Mariannemade me sad. I knew it was the right thing for me – and for my sister too, considering how she reacted around me – but I hated how cutting out my only remaining family member was essential to truly move on with my life.
Between journalling, I spent time online checking out the sale prices of houses like mine in Pippinthwaite and searching for a potential new home. There were six houses currently for sale in Willowdale. Four were too big or financially out of my reach but there were two possibilities so, on Wednesday afternoon, I set off for Cake & Craft Club half an hour early to walk around the village and check them out.
The first was an old semi-detached cottage which I ruled out immediately – too similar to my childhood home. The second was a 1950s-built semi on the edge of the village and I shook my head. What had I been thinking? It was significantly larger than my current house and Trevor and I didn’t need all the space we had now. When I moved, I needed to downsize rather than go bigger.
I returned to my car and removed my bag from the boot. As I hadn’t decided on my next quilting project, I’d brought my journal with me, intending to finish decorating the last couple of entries. Paulette and Saffy were walking towards the village hall and Saffy was pulling a pink crate on wheels behind her.
‘Lovely to see you again,’ I said to Saffy, ‘but I thought you were going back to your mum and dad’s.’
‘I was. I did. And it was an epic fail so I’m back with Grandma for a while.’
‘My bag’s heavy,’ Paulette said to Saffy. ‘Would you be a sweetheart and take everything inside?’
Saffy took Paulette’s bag and disappeared into the village hall.
‘Did I put my foot in it?’ I asked, grimacing.
‘Not at all, but I wanted to give you an update. Saffy caught the train home last Thursday and told Andrew and Joanne that her mind was made up and she wasn’t returning to Birmingham. Joanne hit the roof and said they were meant to be talking about it before any big decisions were made. Saffy, quite rightly, said that they’d already talked a lot and Joanne clearly wasn’t going to change her mind but Saffy wasn’t either and, as she was an adult now and this was about her future, she had the ultimate say. She asked if they could take her to Birmingham to clear her room in the halls and Joanne refused. She said that if Saffy was determined to be an independent adult then she could behave like one, starting with working out for herself how to get her belongings back.’
I winced. ‘That’s harsh.’
