The doubts set in as I pulled onto the drive. For now, it might be better to leave the bags full of gloves, cloths, cleaning products and bin bags in the boot, along with my vacuum cleaner, mop and bucket.
It took a while for Marianne to answer the door and she looked surprised to see me there.
‘Happy New Year!’ I said. ‘How was it?’
‘Like every other day. Why are you here?’
The defensive tone – accompanied by defensive body language this time – burst my bubble. Why did I always expect more from my sister when I always received so much less? But I had to keep trying.
‘We didn’t spend much time together on Christmas Day so I thought we could rectify that.’
Marianne shook her head. ‘It’s not a good time. I’m busy.’
‘Busy tidying?’ It was a feeble attempt at a joke, and admittedly an inappropriate one.
She glared at me.
‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that but even you admitted the cottage was messy. I thought I could help. I’ve got some stuff in the car.’
‘Did I ask for your help?’
‘No, but I just thought…’
‘It’s fine as it is.’
‘There’s barely anywhere for you to sit or cook or?—’
Marianne’s eyes widened. ‘Are you judging me?’
‘No! It’s just that?—’
But she cut me off once more. ‘You don’t know anything about me.’
‘So tell me. Let me in. Please, Marianne. We’ve only got each other.’
‘Then I suggest you find yourself some friends.’
I winced. That was harsh when my visit today had been with the best intentions.
‘I’m worried about you,’ I said.
She stared at me for a moment and I wondered if my words had touched her, but then her expression darkened. ‘I’m not your responsibility.’
‘But you’re my sister.’
She sighed heavily. ‘Go away, Yvonne. I mean it. Leave me alone.’
Before I could say anything else, she slammed the door shut and locked it. I knocked again and called her name through the letterbox but it was fruitless. My sister had never wanted anything to do with me and it was time I stopped clinging on to the idea that we were family so we should be in each other’s lives. Why bother when it caused discomfort on both sides? And she was right about me. Ihadjudged the mess and had assumed that a dozen bottles of anti-bacterial spray could sort out something that was clearly a mental health issue. I knew that people didn’t live the way my sister did because they were too lazy or incapable of tidying up.
I drove back to Pippinthwaite, cursing myself for being so impulsive and, if I was honest, a bit selfish too. My visit hadn’t purely been about good intentions so I had no right to feel upset by yet another rejection. After seeing the state of the cottage on Christmas Day, Marianne had been in my thoughts way more than she’d ever been before and I hadn’t liked it. I’d figured that I wouldn’t think about her or worry so much if I knew her home was hygienic. But she’d made it clear from childhood that I wasn’t an important part of her life and the enforced Friday afternoon recaps of my week had been excruciating. I didn’t need to continue that into adulthood. Marianne was right that she wasn’t my responsibility and I needed to accept that. Or try to.
12
With Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve both falling on Wednesdays, Cake & Craft Club had taken a three-week break which had been far too long for me. The last week in particular had dragged and I was so looking forward to being back with my friends today. Every so often, Cake & Craft Club welcomed guest crafters who taught us a new skill over a week or two. In late October, we’d had a stained-glass expert in and, as it was close to Halloween, we’d all made a pumpkin. I’d loved learning about the process and had been really pleased with my creation. Today we were expecting a willow-weaving expert, showing us how to make bird feeders.
Arriving at Willowdale Village Hall, I was surprised to see Paulette and Saffy at the far end of the room setting up on what was usually the guest’s table. I’d have assumed they were helping out but the items they were unloading from crates and bags definitely weren’t willow rods.
‘Happy New Year, Yvonne!’ Veronica called, joining me by the door.
