But part of me understood. The cold, tactical part that had made me good at my job. You didn't give people information that would compromise the mission. You didn't tell them things that would make them act irrationally.
You protected them by keeping them in the dark.
I hated that I understood.
"How long until they report back?" I asked, banking the fire of my emotions.
"It should be soon."
"And if they don't find anything?"
"Then we reassess."
I set the flask down, my movements careful. Controlled. "You've changed."
"What?" She wasn’t quite scowling, but it was close.
I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn’t. "Since getting with Darrokar. You've changed. You think like them now. Decide like them. You're not human anymore, not really."
Terra's eyes flashed. "That's not true."
"Isn't it? Would you have made this call before? Would you have excluded the other humans from a mission about human survivors?"
Now she was fuming. "What fuckingbefore?We woke up here. We've been in Scalvaris since day one. I've been making calls since we landed, trying to keep everyone alive, trying to navigate a society we don't understand with rules we're still learning. Don't you dare suggest I've forgotten where I came from."
"Then why does it feel like you're choosing them over us?"
Her glare could have melted stone. "I'm not choosing anyone over anyone. I'm trying to protect everyone. Human and Drakarn."
"By lying to Kira."
"By not giving her information that will hurt her when we don't have enough facts to act on it."
We were both breathing hard again; this time, it wasn’t from physical exertion. The argument had shifted, become something sharper, more dangerous than sparring.
"Then what would you do?" she demanded.
I opened my mouth. Closed it. Because I didn't have an answer. Not a good one. Not one that wouldn't also hurt Kira, wouldn't also compromise operational security, wouldn't also be exactly the kind of reckless decision that got people killed.
I hated that even more.
"I have to go," she said. "I have more secrets to keep and humans to betray." She left before I could respond, her footsteps fading into the corridor beyond the training grounds.
Fuck.
I stood alone in the sparring circle, surrounded by practice weapons and damaged dummies.
A mission to Ignarath. Already in progress. Looking for our people.
And I was supposed to just wait. Trust that the Drakarn would handle it. Trust that Terra's judgment was sound.
Trust that I wasn't needed.
Fuck that.
But I didn't know what the fuck else to do.
3
