“Okay.”
He hung up, and Sloan climbed out of bed, rushing, a bit frantic as she stepped into leggings and a slouchy sweater. She dressed as quickly as she could and grabbed her bag and her keys. She was arousing his demons, and his past was picking at a wound she hadn’t healed. She just wanted to see him. She called Ellie.
“Bitch, it’s two o’clock in the morning, you better be dying,” Ellie groaned sleepily in the phone.
“Textme Cass’s address,” Sloan said.
“Is everything okay?” Ellie asked, more alert.
“I finished the letters, Ellie. Please, just send it,” Sloan pleaded.
“Do you even have a plan? Did you change your mind about him? Bitch,clue me in!” Ellie asked in excitement.
“I don’t know, but I just need to see him. Thanks, sis,” Sloan said, hanging up. Sloan drove 40 minutes to get to him. It was the middle of the night and freezing outside. She was sure she was unwelcome. She had done nothing but make him feel unworthy of her. She was making him face her anyway.
She pulled up to Cassidy’s townhome and gripped the steering wheel as anxiety filled her.
“Fuckit.” She climbed out and walked to the front door. She pressed on that doorbell repeatedly until he snatched open the door.
“Your mom trusted you with her truth. Trust me with yours, Cassidy,” she said, eyes shining desperately.
He stepped aside to let her inside and then closed the door, turning the lock. She didn’t know why that lock felt final, like, he was never letting her leave.
“I’m really trying to respect your boundaries, Sloan, but you keep coming around. What you want me to do? Earn you? I’lldo that. I ain’t afraid of that; but if you really don’t want this, you got to respect your ownboundaries and keep from around a nigga because it’s only so much resisting I can do,” Cassidy said.“You being here at three o’clock in the morning is begging me to do something. Youain’t here to talk.”
She was like a deer in headlights. He was right. Her heart was pounding, and her body craved connection. She was wound so tightly with anxiety and aching that could only be healed one way, by one man. This man was damaged. He was hurting. He had been for so long over a sacrifice he had made for his mother. A boy protecting his mother, when the roles were supposed to be naturally reversed. Sloan couldn’t imagine what had pushed his back to the wall, but she knew it was unspeakable. She didn’t need to know the full story to know that it weighed on him because even his half-truth was like a boulder tied to her ankle in a river of confusion. She was trying to tread water as best she could but only he could save her.
“We can talk in the morning,” she heaved. Why couldn’t she catch her breath? Cassidy advanced on her, picking her up and placing her on the kitchen island. So much tension had built up between them, it was like relief as he kissed her. She panted, squeezing her eyes shut as he stripped her of her coat and everything else underneath.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered between kisses. He pulled off his shirt, and the definition of his body took her breath away.“For everything I said, everything I assumed.” Heleaned into her, forehead to forehead as their noses touched. The strain between them wasn’t just physical. It was psychological and emotional. It was all-consuming. Allowing themselves to have something once was like a hit of heroin. They couldn’t just stop. They couldn’t will themselves to quit. Sloan had become this man’s medicine, and he would either be consumed to her detriment or her healing. She was trying to discern between the two. Her body didn’t care. It rioted for him. His every breath she inhaled.
“I’d never hurt you, Sloan. Ever. Know that. Know me.”
She nodded.“I know you,” she confirmed.“I’ve always known you.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, and he carried her up the stairs to his bedroom.
He descended over her as he placed her in his bed.“I love you so much,” she admitted.
He looked at her with a sincerity that made her eyes water, but his silence set off a panic she hadn’t felt before. He didn’t believe her, and she reached for him, pulling him down on top of her.¡°You don¡¯t love me anymore?” Her worry was so viable that it drained out her eyes, sliding down the side of her head until it hit his pillow.
“You know better,” he replied.“Don’t you?”
She nodded as he kissed her neck, awakening every nerve in her body as his tongue drew circles against her skin. He positioned himself between her legs and knocked down her every emotional wall as he entered her. Cassidy was amazing in bed. He had the type of dick that made women bust out car windows. He was so thick, and the perfect length, and his head was so wide that Sloan’s mouth watered. Cassidy was a pinch hitter. He was the one to hit it out of the park when others who had tried failed. He stroked her slowly but with an aggression that told her he had some heat on his chest. He dove deep until he was rooted so deeply inside her that all she could do was suck in air. Was this punishment? Unrequited love? Had she denied him one too many times and now he was weary to give her what she needed? He was right. She did know better, but she still wanted to hear the words. She was desperate for reassurance. She was desperate for him; for this. Heavy breathing filled the space between their lips until he took those too.
It was in the way that he fucked Sloan that blew her mind. He was so grateful for her. He was patient but wanting at the same time. He was aggressive in a way that let her know he was in control, yet his stroke didn’t come with an ounce of pain. All she could do was submit while he put in work. He lifted her legs over his shoulders and pulled her hips into him, and she cried out in ecstasy.
“Cassidy,” she moaned. She couldn’t not call his name. She wanted to scream that shit. Sign it. Write it in Braille. Tag that shit to a wall. She had thought the first time had been good because of the anticipation that had led up to the moment, but nah, the nigga was just magnificent. He tested her limitations and sexed her like he had read her body’s manual. He understood that his size could be a bad thing if he went too hard. He was delivering pleasure, and he never took her past the threshold where pain existed. Hands everywhere. Mouth everywhere. Dick every fucking where. The hand to her neck was the sexiest shit she had ever experienced. She would have never trusted any other man to choke her. It was an immediate trigger, normally. With Cassidy, it was erotic and dominant. She was in love with this man, and she knew it now more than ever because of the level of trust she was extending. She didn’t even know why she was acting like there was a choice in this matter. This man had her soul. He owned her body, and the heart that she was trying to keep control of was giving in. It was a complete takeover. Yes, she was terrified, and she still wanted this shit. All of it. All this love. He was hitting it so good that her legs trembled, and he lowered them, showing that he was merciful in these sheets.
Her back arched off the bed as she absorbed his stroke. He brought her to orgasm, then turned her to the side and stroked her there, dick so thick and long it was effortless for him to hit it until he came too. He held her from behind, playing in her hair as he bit gently on her ear.
She reached back and placed her hand on the side of his face, closing her eyes. How she had ever questioned whether he was safe was foolish. There was no place safer. She could feel love all over her body.
“That day at the store changed my life,” Cassidy muttered.“It wouldn’t have taken me 23 years to get here with you if it wasn’t for that day.” She didn’t move. Didn’t breathe because she didn’t want him to stop talking. He wrapped one arm around Sloan and held her tight as he found his place in the groove of her neck. She stared at the wall and held onto his arms as he continued.“She bumped right into him when we were leaving. I’ve never seen my mother so afraid. He walked up on her, smiling. He called her Caramel, like that was her name. It was casual enough. He seemed friendly. He was happy to see her, but it was the look on her face that told me something was off. I remember her hands shaking as we got in the car, and she was quiet the entire way home, but her hands… they just kept shaking. I remember that part so well for some reason. When we pulled into the driveway, and I went to help her from the car, the entire seat was wet. She was so terrified that she peed herself. Papa was at work. I carried her into the house and up to her room. I tried to clean her up, and she gripped my hand so tight, and she said that she hadn’t seen his face in 25 years. That man from the grocery store had raped her from the time she was five years old until she was 13. He lived across the street from her as a child, and she used to play with his daughter. My grandma used to send her over there for play dates. That nigga used to make his daughter take a nap and rape my mama while she was there. It only stopped because she moved to the other side of town when my grandmother got a job as a housekeeper for a white woman on the Southside. She never said a word to anyone, until she told me, and she made me promise not to tell anyone, and I haven’t— until now. Papa don’t even know.”
Sloan’s heart tore in half.
“Oh, Cassidy,” she whispered sympathetically.
