Sloan had never noticed that before. She just thought he looked out for her off the strength of Ellie.
“Girl, we don’t even know if you will actually get pregnant. You’re panicking about the possibility, and if you do, you do. Keep it, and don’t tell him,”Shy said.“You don’t owe anybody any explanations about what’s happening with your body.”
“That’s not an option,” Sloan stated. That was the only thing she was sure of. She respected Cassidy too much to deceive him so maliciously.“There’s just so much to consider. I can take this pill and just get rid of the possibility altogether. But what if I’m wasting my only chance to get pregnant the natural way and to know the father of my child? But if I do get pregnant naturally, it will be with 39-year-old eggs. I froze my embryos at 33, so they’re much healthier. At 39, these eggs are stale,chile. A baby is more likely to not make it to term or to be born with health defects or abnormalities. There’s so much science behind this shit.”
“Girl, you losing me,” Shy stated.
“My heart is in shambles, and I feel like I’m not in the right state of mind to even be deciding this right now,” Sloan cried.
“Why are you deciding this by yourself? What happened between y’all?” Courtney asked.
“Prison happened,” Sloan whispered.“But I think I love him, y’all. Like, I think I’m madly in love with that man, and my heart is broken because there is no solution to the things that are keeping us apart.”
“Which is what, bitch? Because I’m bored. This feels self-inflicted like amu’fucka,” Shy snapped.“Because if you say some shit like you’re too good to be with a felon…”
“I mean, that’spart of it, and not that I’m too good. I’m not saying that. I just worked too hard to let a man taint my respectability. We all know he will,” Sloan argued.
“Well then, bitch, cry,” Shy said bluntly.“Because if you are letting what other people think stop you from loving him, that’s on you. Fuck what people think!”
“It’s not just that, though, is it?” Courtney asked.
Sloan buried her face in her hands and cried from her soul. Her girls wrapped their arms around her. They had never seen her like this before. The last time she had been brought to tears over a boy was when Cassidy had gotten locked up. She had taken it extremely hard, almost as hard as Ellie. Now, it made sense.
“I’m afraid of him,” Sloan sobbed.“Of what he’s capable of doing.”
“Because of what happened to your mom,” Courtney said, putting the story together in her head.
“Cassidy is not like that nigga that took your mom,” Shy whispered passionately.
“A part of me wants to trust that, but the part of me that never dealt with my mother’s death, and the part that has to go in front of that parole board every six or so years and advocate why they should never free that man, is telling me to run the other way. What do you do when your heart and your mind disagree? My mind has never failed me. My heart, on the other hand,” she cried.“I just can’t.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Courtney said.“I’ve known you a long time, and you believe in love, Sloan. Yes, doing In vitro and getting a sperm donor is possible, but if there is the possibility of having a baby with a man you love and who loves you, regardless if y’all end up together or not, every time you look at that child, you’llremember the love they came from. You have your reasons for not being able to choose him, but at least you’llalways have a piece of the love you’re depriving yourself of if you end up pregnant by him.”
“And if you don’t end up pregnant, you still have the embryos as a backup,”Shy said.
Sloan nodded and wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand. She stood.“Okay, give me a minute, please. We can go shopping. I need some retail therapy. I just need to clean myself up. I’m sorry if I’m ruining the day.”
“You’re not,” Courtney reassured.“We’llbe out front when you’re ready.”
Sloan waited until she was alone and opened the Plan B pill. She looked in the mirror. She prayed she didn’t make a decision she was going to later regret.
“Just do it,” she said to herself.
Chapter 13
Mommy, can we get this one?” Tessa shouted in excitement as she pointed to the biggest tree on the property.
“Baby, that won’t fit in Papa’s house,” Ellie said.“It’s at least 18 feet tall!”
“But I don’t want a little tree,”Tessa pouted.
“What about this one over here?” Ellie asked as she led the way to a seven-foot Spruce.
“That’sa baby tree,” Tessa whined.
“Come over here, Tess,” Loyal said, motioning down one of the rows.“Now, what about this?” he asked.“It’s not super tall, but it’s nice, right? Look how big it is around. Plenty of room for the fat man to leave toys underneath.”
Tessa put her hands over her mouth in shock as she laughed.“You can’t call Santa that! He won’t bring you any presents!”
