“I know you’re not,” Sloan sighed.
“Then what is it?” Cassidy asked. Sloan looked off, and she began to fidget as anxiety filled her body.
“It’s nothing,” Sloan insisted. He had the deepest eyes. She could only imagine what they had seen. When he stared at her, she felt transparent, like he could see right through her to the center of her soul, where she hid her secrets.“Please stop looking at me like that. I can’t go there with you. We don’t match. You don’t check any of my boxes, Cass, and yes, you served your time, but you still took a life, Cassidy. That’s not a small thing you’re asking me to overlook.”
Cassidy scoffed and took a step back, nodding his head in frustration as he closed her door.“Say less, Dr. Martin.” She had offended him, and now he was walking away. Her head was spinning because she was relieved and horrified by his departure all at the same time. She hopped out of the car and stormed after him.
“That’s it!?” she yelled.
Cassidy spun on her suddenly.“Fuck you mean is that it? Should there be more?” Cassidy asked, annoyed and face bent in confusion.
This woman was his sister’s best friend. She was a puzzle he couldn’t quite crack, but damn if he didn’t want to crack that bitch. He knew she had her reservations. He could see her battling with herself every time they were in the same room. He was trying to respect her boundaries, but Cassidy wanted Sloan in the most addictive way.
“Could there be more?” she shot back.
“How much truth can you handle?” Cassidy asked.
“That’s all I ever want to hear from you. The minute you lie to me, we no longer communicate,” Sloan said.
“I want to fuck you, Sloan,” Cassidy admitted. Sloan sucked in air and held it, forgetting to breathe as her lashes fluttered in shock. He was going there. No detour, no scenic route. He was getting straight to it.“I knew it the minute I saw you again. I want you in my bed, legs wrapped around my waist. Not on no quick shit. Not on no one-time shit. I want access. I want to eat your pussy whenever I feel like it. I want to watch my dick slide down your throat. I want to swallow your tongue while I beat it slow, real fucking slow because I know that shit good, and probablygon’have a nigga ready to bust as soon as he in it. I want it bad as fuck. I want it so bad my dick gets hard at the thought of you, and Iain’t starved for no pussy. I called up pussy last night just to get you and your judgmental ass out my head, but you were still there. I pictured your face as I made love to another woman, Sloan. She called my name, and I heard you. That’s how bad I want you,but you’re afraid of a nigga so I can’t pursue you. You’re my sister’s friend, and I’m trying to be respectful, but you’re everywhere. You’re everywhere she is, and every time I see you, I’m in my head wondering what this beautiful fucking woman feels like. I know it’s tightcuz you stingy with it. You sitting on it, and niggas ain’t patient enough to work for it. I know she wet because I smell it, Sloan. Right now, I can smell how sweet it is. And I know that’s some bold shit to say, but a nigga been locked up for a long time; I know what wet pussy smell like, and you always wet around me. I think about you all the time and Iain’t gone be able to get it off my mind until I’ve wrapped my lips around your clit. There’s some truth for your uppity ass. A nigga too gutter for you, though.”
Sloan’s pussy was soaked, and her mouth was slightly agape as her clit throbbed to the cadence of his voice. She felt shock waves ripple through her clit as she came from fantasy alone. The way he painted this picture. The yearning she heard in his voice. She wondered how many times he had reached for his dick when she crossed his mind. If any other man had come at her this boldly, she would have been disgusted, but Cassidy’s truth intrigued her. He masturbated to her fantasy. How many times had he fucked another woman while running her face in the background of his mind? The thought turned her the fuck on to the point where her nipples screamed for attention. Sloan had never lusted for any man. Men usually lusted for her, but this feeling was mutual, but he was right, she was afraid of so many things. She didn’t even know what to say.
“Get in your truck and go home. It’s cold out here,” he said, unable to hide his frustration and irritation. Sloan reached up and grabbed the sides of his skull cap and pulled his entire face toward her as she kissed him. He backed her up to the side of her truck and kissed her so deeply that her nipples hardened. She had never been kissed with such passion. He took her chin in the U of one hand and finessed her lips with expertise. Neither wanted to pull away, but they couldn’t stay here forever. Or could they? This wasn’t just a kiss. This was a full-blown make-out session. This man was sucking on her entire tongue. She moaned from the pure torture of arousal alone. She was so wet that she felt her leggings soak. She wanted everything he wanted. The clothes between them were torture. Fifteen whole minutes of indulging in this man’s lips made her legs shake. Neither cared that it was freezing outside. She stood in the cold, clasping his forearms as she tried to clear her head.
“I can’t do this, Cass,” she whispered, eyes burning with tears because she knew he wouldn’tunderstand.
The disappointment in his eyes gutted her, and he nodded, wiping the taste of her off his lips as he backpedaled to his car. She climbed into her truck and gripped the steering wheel as she lowered her head and cried. She heard him start his car and speed off in frustration. She wished she could go after him, but she also knew that lust wasn’t enough reason to break her own rules. Her mother had lost her life to a violent man, to a repeated ex-con, who had claimed to be a changed man. Her mother had trusted a man at his word, and in the end, she had paid that mistake with her life. So, no, Sloan couldn’t take this further. She would just have to keep her distance to make sure that whatever this attraction was didn’t grow.
Knock! Knock!
Courtney turned toward the bedroom door as Shy peeked her head inside.“Hey! You okay?” Shy asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, girl. James just keeps blowing up my phone. We’re in a whole text battle right now,” Courtney stated.“He says he’s sorry. Wants us to come home.”
“Do you want to go home, Court?”
Courtney thought about all the anxiety that dwelled in her chest when she was within the walls of her own home. She felt on edge every second of every day. She walked around on eggshells because she had lost track of his triggers. She couldn’t really tell what would sour his mood. After Devin had been killed, he had developed a disdain for her, and it had grown stronger over the years. Now, they felt so far apart from one another. Sex was routine, a chore even, and the only emotions that she felt were negative ones. She knew she loved him. They had been together for too long not to love him, but she had also hated what their life had become. Her heart used to skip beats when he would walk in the room, and now, it filled with panic. It wasn’t always bad, but the good was so few and far between because they were both drowning in grief.
“No, I don’t think I do. Not right now. Our demons are battling one another for space in that house. The house is too small for that much misery.” Courtney’s confession was chilling. It was the first time she was able to truly pinpoint the problem. They were battling themselves, which stopped them from being able to consider one another.“It’s wild because when I first met him, I was rushing to be grown. I did everything before it was time because I was trying to keep up with his pace. He was a grown man, doing grown shit to me, putting grown woman expectations on my body and my mind, and I let him have so much control. I let him shape who I became instead of knowing that he needed to adjust to who I naturally grew into, or risk me outgrowing him altogether. Now, I just feel stuck. I feel damaged. I feel like he customized me for him and like I wasted all my good years with a man who now doesn’t even like me. I’m in the middle of a mid-life crisis, bitch. Nigga stress me out so bad I got a whole streak of gray hair under this damn wig,” Courtney complained.
“Bitch, I got gray pussy hair. How about that?” Shy said.
“Oooh, bitch, no you don’t!” Courtney hollered, laughing so loudly that baby Christian stirred in his sleep. She covered her mouth but couldn’t stop.
“Swear to God. A bitch about died when my esthetician pointed it out,”Shy said, shaking her head.
“Thank you, Shy,” Courtney said sincerely.“For welcoming me without thinking twice, for even making the time to come by to check on me when you knew something wasn’t right. I know I go months without picking up the phone sometimes, but it’s never because love is lost. I’m just lost right now. Everybody else is thriving, and I feel like the friend whoain’t got shit and didn’t do shit with her life.”
“You’re the friend who prays for us. You’re the friend who cooks for us. You’re the friend who looks at the glass half full. You’re the one who forces us to work our shit out when we get to being petty with each other. You’re the friend who hypes us up when we’re afraid. You’re the friend who will tell us when we’re wrong. I can go on and on about you, Court. We notice when your energy is missing from our circle. Youaren’t the underachiever. You’re a grown woman, and life has been unkind to you, but you get back up and you keep fighting. You’ve just been fighting in silence. Now that we know what’s going on, we’re fighting with you,” Shy encouraged.“I’m not even saying James is a bad guy, but if he loves you and he loves his son, he’llget some help for that grief and stop taking the shit out on you. You deserve him at his best, and if he can’t give you that, it’s time to wrap this shit up.”
Courtney nodded.“You’re right. I can’t even say anything because you’re speaking facts.”
Shy stood.“I want to give you one of your Christmas gifts early,” she said.
“Oh, Shy, please, don’t. I’m not going to lie. My gifts to y’allaren’t that expensive. I couldn’t afford a lot this year, and I know how you shop. I’m really not comfortable…”
“Girl, shut up! I’llbe back,” Shy said, rushing from the room. Courtney felt the pressure of matching the value of her gifts. That was another reason why she hadn’t wanted to be super present for the Friendsmas festivities. She didn’t have the same means as her girls. It was easy for them to blow bags on one another. Courtney had to choose between a halfway decent gift for them and paying her light bill. Shy returned after a few minutes, and she held a jewelry box in her hands.
