Chapter 1
December 17th
Ireally don’tunderstand why Shy is so damn extra when it comes to Christmas. I mean, the themes and the dress codes, and the freaking minimum spends. Like, be fucking for real. I’ve got two kids to buy gifts for. I’m suddenly remembering why I haven’t been home to visit for Christmas in years. It’s too much damn pressure.” Elliot Campbell walked around her bedroom, putting clothes into the open suitcase that sat on her bed as she complained endlessly. Christmas break was a season she welcomed. The two weeks off work and the extended reprieve from her kids’ school schedules felt like heaven, but the thought of packing her entire family up and making their way to Michigan to spend time with friends and family gave her an anxiety she hadn’t anticipated.
“You knowNashyla wouldn’t be Nashyla if she wasn’t a little extra. She has a whole Friendsmas itinerary,” Sloan replied.
“Wait, what? I thought it was just dinner! I’m not trying to follow a schedule my whole break. I have other people to visit besides y’all bitches. And I already know every event has a different dress code.”
“Yeah, girl, you already know. Check the group chat. She dropped the itinerary last night, but I can’t lie, it looks like a whole vibe. It’sgonna be a good time. We’ve got ice skating on the rocks, girls’night in, we’re going to the Christmas Tree Farm, and some other shit, but it’sa dope week,” Sloan informed.
“Sounds like I’ma need a vacation after vacation,” Elliot mumbled. The groan she let out only made Sloan chuckle harder.
“Ellie, just get your ass on that plane and stop complaining. You haven’t come home for Christmas in four years. Everybody misses you, and I want to see my Goddaughters.”
“Fine,” Ellie sighed.“Let me get off this phone and finish getting my life together. I’llsee you hoes tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you too, girl. Safe travels,” Sloan answered.
Ellie sighed and hung up the line. She hated this feeling of displacement. The thought of going home terrified her. The longer she stayed away, the more her anxiety grew, and it was a shame because the little city that had made her was one she took so much pride in. Flint, Michigan, had been a glorious place when she was growing up. Poverty had eroded the place over the years, leaving more boarded-up houses than family homes behind, but still, it was home. All her memories of ripping and running the streets with her girls were made on those city blocks. She hadn’t grown up with much.She and her brother, Cassidy, were raised by their mom and dad. They hadn’t been rich, but they survived. Her father had worked endlessly to make sure he took care of his family. There wasn’t much room for extras like the Tommy Hilfiger and $150 tennis shoes girls used to wear. Ellie knew her family was tight for money, and she never tried to keep up with the other girls her age. She was grateful for everything, even when her parents could give her nothing, but it made her an outlier at school. She was teased endlessly about her Payless shoes and cheap, hand-me-down clothes. Before she met Sloan and started borrowing her clothes, Ellie was the girl everyone ignored. In fact, she was the girl Sloan blazed.One fight with Sloan in the 7th grade had landed them both Saturday detention for a month, and the pair went from enemies to fast friends. Sloan was the most popular girl in school, so with that one friendship, sisterhood followed, and her homegirls never left her uncovered. There were four of them. Ellie, Sloan, Shy, and Courtney. She would rotate in and out of their closets so much that she had a full wardrobe. From old-school Baby Phat velour suits to fresh Saucony sneakers, whatever they had, they shared, and Ellie was grateful. She was able to feel like more than the busted-down girl from the projects. She reached for the picture of the four of them that sat on her vanity, and she smiled. Most girls didn’t learn the value of true friendship until they were older. Ellie had learned it early. They had supported her through every single phase of her life. She was 40 years old, and she had been through some things that had shaken her to her core. She had experienced days so dark that she’d never thought the sun would rise again. Her heart had been used and abused, leaving her empty and fearful of a life without love. Loneliness was impossible, however, because her friends had been right there, every single time, without judgment and always coming with wine. Lots and lots of wine. She sighed and placed the picture back as a knock at the door jarred her from her thoughts. An interruption. When you were a mother of two, there was always someone needing something. Her time was not her own to spend. Some days, it overwhelmed her. The lack of peace of it all. Most days, she welcomed the chaos of having daughters. Today, she was tired.
“Hey, Mommy, can I get money forRobux?”
The sweetest little face stood in front of her, gripping an iPad to her chest.
“No, baby, you’ve already spent your allowance for the week. If you want moreRobux, you’llhave to wait until you earn your next allowance,” Ellie said.“You can come give me a hug, though.” She bent down so that she was at eye level with her baby and reached out her arms. The most fulfilling sense of peace filled her every time she hugged her kids. Her oldest daughter, Brooklyn, gave hugs out like winning lottery tickets. It was a long shot that she would get one from her attitude-filled teenager these days, but this little one, she gave them out for free. It was a remedy for an ailment that children didn’t know their mothers had.
Tessa was a doll. Ellie often got lost in her youngest daughter’s dreamy eyes. She wished she could say her beauty came from her, but she honestly had no idea where it came from. The adoption had been closed, and she hadn’t been privileged to meet Tessa’s birth mother. From the moment she laid eyes on the three-month-old little girl, Ellie had fallen in love. They both had. Ellie and Cairo had adopted this beautiful girl together four years ago, and she was almost positive that it was the decision that had ruined them. She had traded motherhood for her marriage, and although she would never regret this little light in her life, she had been heartbroken ever since. It was one of many reasons she hadn’t been home in so long. Her husband had moved back to Michigan and started a whole new life, and Ellie was humiliated. They weren’t even technically divorced, and he had completely replaced her. In the blink of an eye, she had gone from a kept housewife to a single mother. Life had been hard. Life had been unfair, but the little arms wrapping around her neck so lovingly were worth it.
“That’s my big girl. I love you, baby,” Ellie said.“Did Brook help you pack?”
“No, she said I had to pack myself,” Tessa said.“I’m finished already.”
Ellie stood and took Tessa’s hand.“Come on, let’s see what you have in your suitcase,” Ellie said. They walked through her three-bedroom townhome until she reached Tessa’s room. As soon as she saw the suitcase lying wide open, she smiled. It was all toys, electronics, her favorite pajamas, and two shirts.“You did a great job, Tess,”Ellie encouraged.“Why don’t you climb in bed? I’llgive you one show before it’s lights out. We have an early flight in the morning.”
“Okay. I can’t wait!” Tessa exclaimed.
“Me too, baby,” Ellie said softly. She turned off the overhead light and clicked the night light by the bed as Tessa clicked into the YouTube app on the TV.These damn new school kids are a different breed. I’llnever understand the desire to watch kids play with the same toys you let sit inside your closet, Ellie thought playfully. Ellie was halfway out the door when Tessa’s sweet voice halted her.
“Mommy, will we get to see Daddy when we get to Michigan? That’s where he lives, right?”
The question took her breath away. There were these moments, these triggers, that just punched her in the gut and made the pain of Cairo’s desertion feel fresh. It was those moments that she had to soldier past. It was shit just like this that felt like the heaviest weight God had ever made. Having to be a mother while she was hurting at the hands of the man who had vowed to love her was a masquerade she was underdressed for. She tightened her core and blinked away the sting in her eyes.“We’llsee, baby. Get some rest and spend a little time with God before you close your eyes.”
Ellie narrowed her sights on the closed bedroom door at the end of the hallway and then went to check on her oldest child. She curved her pointer finger and knocked softly on the door. It was only a courtesy knock because she was already jiggling the door handle.
“Brooklyn, open this door! What I tell you about locking doors in my house?” she fussed.
She heard rustling and hurried movements behind the door.
“You’ve got three seconds to open this door…”
“Mama, I was just studying,” Brooklynn squealed in exasperation as she snatched open the door. Brown skin. Oh, how she loved her baby’s brown skin and those black eyes and those pretty, pouty lips where her lies lived. Brooklyn was a replica of Cairo. She was the one thing they had gotten right, a beautiful creation that came from their love.
“Girl, you must really think I’m dumb. Don’t insult my intelligence. Studying what? The semester ended today, so what the hell you studying, Brook?” Ellie fussed. She hated this new, sneaky version of her daughter. It was like, as soon as Brooklyn hit sixteen, all hell broke loose.
“I was just reading.” Brooklyn would feign innocence until she was blue in the face.
“Is that weed I smell?” Ellie asked, walking past her daughter, and stepping fully into the room.
