“You stayed all this time?”
She tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth. “It probably seems silly or stalkerish even, now that I think about it, but you were unconscious, and I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you. That you weren’t vulnerable.”
He smiled at her as the warmth building in his eyes hit him square in the chest. “My own personal security.” Sully fought the quiver in his hand to brush her hair away from her face. “And no, you being here is not silly or stalkerish.” His lungs burned when he drew in an expansive breath. “What it is…it’s humbling. You dropping everything to keep watch over me? To put lotion on my lips. To make me more comfortable by putting towels under my legs and arms so I didn’t get stiff and sore in this bed. To talk for hours because you know I find your voice soothing. I’ve been lucky in my life. I was raised by good people and have been blessed with incredible teammates who are like brothers to me, but no one has ever done something so generous or compassionate as you being here for me.”
Tears filled her eyes and threatened to spill over. She swallowed hard. “I thought you said you didn’t remember anything.”
“There have been moments where I’ve tried to open my eyes. Periods where I can hear or feel what’s happening around me. The only constant I can recall is you. Your care and concern broke through the haze of medication and pain. My heart recognized you were here, even though my mind didn’t process it until right now.”
“I was scared for you. If you died because of me, I don’t think I could live with that. It’s already bad enough that you’re here and in this condition because of me. What’s more though, I wanted to be here for you when you woke up. To help you as you recover.” She lowered her eyes. He was not okay with her blaming herself for one second.
“Let’s get one thing straight, love, none of this is your fault. I was shot by human traffickers and came down with an infection because of my injury, not because of you. While having you here makes me feel valued and cared for in a way that’s completely new to me, I worry that you’ve put yourself, your medical care,your career, your entire life on the back burner to do so.” Part of him wanted to blurt out that he’d love nothing more than bringing her back to California. Continuing to grow the bond forged by water, blood, and a deep, intrinsic connection. The other part of him knew that was moving too fast. That he might not only scare the shit out of her but also take more of her time, which she’d so generously given already.
She glanced past him, toward the window. “My job as a traveling nurse for Healing Hearts International takes me far from the United States for long periods of time. It doesn’t make sense to rent an apartment, so it’s not as though I have a place of my own to go back to. I typically take back-to-back assignments, and when I do get a break, I’ll get a hotel room for a week or so.”
There was an odd quiver in his gut. How was it possible that this amazing woman was so isolated? “What about your family? Friends? They must be worried sick—not only now, but also when you’re out saving the world.”
Her visible grimace made his heart drop into his stomach. “This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I’m not all that close with my parents or anyone else.” She swallowed hard. “There was a time I had friends, but then something happened. It made me question everyone’s loyalty and intentions.”
“Will you tell me about it someday?” He shifted his hand, so it lay over hers.
She searched his eyes, then dipped her chin. “Maybe someday.”
He wasn’t going to push, because that “maybe” she’d given made him feel ten feet tall. Jane was guarded. She had secrets. The fact that she might be willing to let him into her private world was priceless to him.
“Please tell me you haven’t slept on that cot every night.” He waited for one heartbeat, then two and when she said nothing, a growl left his lips. “I’m going to kick Red’s ass.”
She quickly straightened. “Your friends have taken very good care of me,” she protested. “I called Red when we got here. I had nothing but a pair of scrubs one of the nurses gave me but within the hour, he and Thalia had sent me a DoorDash order with all kinds of supplies and a phone, so I didn’t have to use the one at the desk. Red has been frustrated with me about the sleeping arrangements. Has pleaded with me to go back to the hotel at night. We came to an agreement that I’ll use their room to shower and nap while they’re spending time with you here.”
He had so many questions but didn’t want her to feel uneasy about her decisions or self-conscious after everything that had happened. He was curious why she was so uncomfortable leaving him alone with the hospital staff and wondered if something had happened when he’d been unconscious or if it was merely anxiety that he would get worse or be vulnerable. What she saw as a nurse day in and day out, especially in places that didn’t have many resources available, must be heartbreaking and traumatic. Sometimes the more knowledge someone had of a certain subject, the harder it was to let go and allow someone else to perform the task.
“What about you?” He tried to rein himself in but couldn’t stop touching her in small ways. A brush of his thumb over the back of her hand. Toying with the tips of her long hair. “Have you been seen by a doctor?”
“Yes, I was…examined when we first arrived. Had some tests.”
“I don’t blame you if you don’t want to talk about what happened with me, but I think you should know that the children who were rescued spoke of it after you fell asleep on the boat. They were worried about you and grateful for the sacrifice you made to keep them safe.”
“I was raped by one of the men.” Her voice was detached, clinical. “While his attention was diverted, I was able to accessthe knife on his belt loop. I killed him, then stabbed his friend before jumping into the river.”
The breath bottled in his chest. White-hot rage speared through him, and he clenched his fists, fighting for control. Yes, he’d heard the events recounted on the boat but hearing it from Jane’s lips was so much worse. “I’m so fucking sorry. That seems incredibly inadequate for what you went through. What you’re still going through. I’ve seen humans do horrible things to each other, but crimes against women and children are the hardest to witness. To even process. I wish we’d got there sooner. That no one was able to put their fucking hands on you.”
Jane shook her head. “And I wish you were never in the water. That you never got shot. We can’t go back in time, though. All we can do is move forward.”
He opened his mouth to speak before closing it again. There was a lot he wanted to say but wasn’t sure he had the right words.
“What is it?” Jane asked meeting his gaze.
“It’s just… You’re the bravest woman I know, and while I haven’t exactly been helpful these past two weeks, I want you to know you can lean on me. I won’t pretend to have all the answers, especially about something so invasive and personal, but if you need to talk to someone or just rage at the world, I hope I can be that person for you. What I’m trying to say is I know how strong you are, but you also don’t have to be. Not with me. And if I’m not the right person to help, I want to be there to support you as you find someone who is.”
“Thank you.” She squeezed his hand. “I should go get the nurse. Pain is making your blood pressure spike.”
“Don’t think it’s the pain. What those men—No, I can’t call them that. Real men and women protect others, not cause trauma. What they did was fucking abhorrent and the world is a better place without them. I feel like my skin has been turnedinside out and I want to go back to the Amazon and punish them for their crimes, but you’ve already taken care of that. Your resilience, your bravery…it’s staggering, Jane.” He hated the breathlessness in his voice. The way it cracked and broke from weakness and misuse. How drained he was after a mere conversation startled him.
She stared at him for a long moment, then lifted her hand to his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. He didn’t miss how her arm shook or the tears that had gathered in the corners of her eyes. “You’ve sacrificed a lot for me. A total stranger. You would have every right to resent me for what you’re going through, but the first thing you did when you came out of unconsciousness was to be concerned about my well-being.” Her voice was choked. “I’m not sure if you understand how rare that is.”
“What you just said frustrates the hell out of me. What kind of man would I be if I felt resentful of the woman who has done nothing but help me from the moment we met? It hasn’t escaped me that for whatever reason, you don’t feel like you’re a priority. I’m not sure who was careless with you, but my next mission—and I have a feeling it’s going to be the most important one of my life—isn’t going to be trekking through the desert to eliminate an HVT…er, high value target. It’s going to be convincing you of how goddamn worthy you are of other people’s kindness, acceptance, and attention.”
His words came out in a hard rasp, but he couldn’t help but feel defensive and protective of the woman at his side. Even though he had a long recovery ahead of him, for the first time he was motivated by something other than a mission as a Navy SEAL. He wasn’t sure what the future held for him and Jane, but he was determined to help her build healthy friendships, a network of people who both appreciated and supported her. And of course, he’d have her back for as long as she let him.
