“I remember you telling me about him. I also remember thinking to myself, I hope he isn’t anything like Richie. Or Marco. Or that bounty hunter guy—what was his name?”
Must we recap my entire dating life? “Olaf. And he wasn’t a bounty hunter; he was a bail bondsman.” Olaf actually wasn’t bad. I just kind of got bored with him, if I’m being honest.
“Fine. My bad. So, what about Shane?”
“Well, turns out your hoping didn’t work. Thanks, though.”
“Damn, sis. I’m sorry. Maybe you should look into becoming a nun. I hear convent life has evolved a lot in the last couple centuries.”
Archie might be the most practical person I know. He’s the guy with a 401(k), a condo in a well-established corner of Tulsa, and a life insurance policy—even though he’s single.
“Unless the pope decides to let nuns bang, that’s not gonna work for me.” My truck tires throw up red dust as the road turns to dirt, and I inhale the earthy scent through my open window.
“Touché. Okay, so how does Shane being an idiot require you to propose marriage to Dallas?”
“Who says I was the one to propose?!” I sputter.
I’m shocked Archie doesn’t pass out from choking so hard on his laughter.
“Rude,” I’m compelled to add.
Still chuckling, he says, “Sorry, Shelbs, but you sewed yourself the first ofmanywedding dresses when you were twelve, and Dallas Gamble was voted most likely to die single from a venereal disease in high school. Just using my basic deduction skills here.”
“Well, Sherlock, I’ll have you know that neither of us proposed. Dallas just sort of…announced it. In public. In front of Shane.”
“Oh shit.” He’s not laughing now, is he?
“Oh shit is right,” I barrel on. “And now the whole town thinks we’re engaged because Dallas was trying to do this stupid noble thing and protect me!”
“Protect you?” Crap. “What does that mean?”
Double crap. “Um, nothing. How’s work?”
“Nothing, my ass. If you don’t tell me, you know Gamble will be my next call, so you may as well spit it out.”
Archie may be my little brother, but his protective streak is big and burly. And so is his affection for me.
So, I tell him about Shane being aggressive and rude and slightly stalkerish. And even though I do my best to tone it down, it takes all the way to the Fultons’ farm and poor Weasel to talk him out of storming out here on his trusty steed (a practical, midsized SUV) to avenge me.
“Let me know when you set a date,” he finally says when I tell him I need to go.
I pull my keys from the ignition and pause. “Have you even been listening this whole time?” Sometimes I wonder if I’m the central character in my own psychedelic nightmare.
His response? “Yeah.” And then he hangs up.
“Shelby’ll have a lager. Just the bottle, no glass. And an order of hummus with the pita things toasted and extra carrots.”
Norinne eyes me over her reading glasses before turning to Dallas. “I’ve been taking her order for going on twenty years, Dallas. I know what the woman drinks.”
Dallas lets her comment slide right off his back, smiling at both of us and leaning back in his side of the booth. “Just making sure my woman gets what she needs.”
Norinne grins and finishes jotting on her order pad. “I don’t know what you did to him, Shelby, but next time I’m in need of a miracle, I’m calling you up.” I’m not entirely certain how to take that, but I smile back anyway. Norinne is good people.
I survey the bar, and it’s the same scene as always. Couples taking up booths along the walls lined with old photographs of Big Knob from the 1890s when Andrew Johnson (not the former US president) founded our little town. Chatty groups of townsfolk are throwing a few back while they play darts and gossip.
We’re not drawing quite as much attention tonight, as people in town have gotten used to the idea of us being together. For the first week or so, we were a science experiment everyone kept marveling at under a microscope. Glad that’s no longer the case.
I wonder if Dallas is right, and we can really pull this off. Our friendship needs to go back to what it was before I lose my mind. I mean, why have I been letting my lady parts get all hot and bothered just because we’re living together?
