"Being stuck in a motor home with your family is not conducive to"—Grandma glances at my dad before continuing—"marital relations."
My dad's lip curls. Duke's, too.
"What?" Grandma asks, drawn-on eyebrows raised in challenge. "How do you think you got here?"
My dad shakes his head but says nothing. Clearly he wants no part in furthering this conversation.
"Anywho," Grandma says, waving a hand in the air. "It's not for the entire road trip, because that would defeat the purpose. It'll be for the first half. You'll leave the car in Sierra Grande, and I've scheduled to have it picked up and driven back to my house." She claps once, loudly, moving on before I get the chance to utter a word. "This brings me to my next two orders of business. First." Grandma gestures to the woman beside her. "As I'm sure you've already guessed, this is Rainbow, my death doula. There will be no, and I meanno, belittling or diminishing her important job." Grandma levels her steely-eyed gaze onDuke and my dad. "I'm talking to both of you when I say that." She glances at me. "And you a little bit, too."
I clutch my chest, slightly offended but also aware of why she'd call me out. I point at my sister. If I'm going under the bus, she's coming with me. "What about Kerrigan?"
Grandma gives me a look. "She sends Moose on a doggy bus to have playdates. Does she sound like a person who is opinionated about the work of a death doula?"
I know better than to ask why my mom wasn't called out. Savage Grandma would answer in a way that is, well, savage. She'd probably say something likeyour mother left the building a long time ago and hasn't returned.
"Fine," I answer. I step closer to Rainbow, and my nose is hit with a mixture of essential oils. Patchouli, and definitely lavender. Something else, too. It's not bad-smelling, but it's strong. Ten bucks says she has a tincture in her beaded-fringe purse. "Rainbow," I greet, sticking out my hand. "It's nice to meet you. Welcome to the shit show."
Rainbow smiles warmly, placing her palm in mine. She has a weak handshake, but maybe it's more charitable to call it agentle grasp. "Cecily," she says, and my spine stiffens at her admonishing tone. "We're looking for fewer curse words. It's important to create a calm atmosphere for Ophelia."
My smile flattens. The only words floating through my mind now are all the ones I've been instructed to use fewer of, but I press my lips together and make a noise that sounds something like, "Mmm."
Grandma has already moved on, introducing Rainbow to the group. Rainbow creates a mnemonic device for each person, and says it out loud as she shakes their hand.
"Duke is handsome like royalty. Like a duke."
"Kerrigan who looks like Nancy."
Grandma arrives at Dom, saying, "This is Cecily's husband, Dominic."
Cecily's husband.The words, the concept, the truth is still so new.Impossible, except it's not.
I wait for Rainbow's wordy trick to remember Dominic, but it doesn't come. Perhaps she has run out of creativity, because all she says is, "Nice to meet you."
Dominic politely greets her.
"You're not cool enough for a mnemonic device," I murmur.
"I'm devastated," he murmurs back.
Grandma takes charge, marching us to the massive motor home. The man who drove the behemoth steps out. He spends ten minutes walking us around the RV, pointing out the retractable awning, the outdoor lights and water hookup, the slide outs and stabilizer jacks. When he gets to the part about operating the vehicle, I tune in despite having decided I wouldn't. For the good of the group, I should probably know. The most important considerations are a wider turning radius, increased braking distance, and relying on mirrors. Despite understanding all this, the idea of driving such a large vehicle terrifies me. Like kickball in elementary school, I hope I am chosen last.
When the man finishes explaining everything to us, he walks to a nearby vehicle, where someone sits in the driver's seat, wearing the same collared shirt as him. Both men wave at my grandmother, and the car pulls into morning traffic.
"We're almost ready," Grandma says, excitement lacing through her tone. "Let's go inside and get ourselves oriented, then I have something I want to show you."
CHAPTER 24
Cecily
"I wasn't expectingit to be so big," Kerrigan says when we walk into the motor home.
There is a collective pause as we try to figure out if we're supposed to capitalize on the obvious opportunity to make a joke.
"For the love," Grandma huffs. "Someone say it."
"Not me." Duke points at himself. "I'm not saying that to my sister."
"Daughter," my dad explains, shrugging. My mom looks away, lips pursed.
