"Yes, sweet girl." She brushes hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear with such care. "You must face it. My death, and your parents. You have to be strong."
"I can't." I've never felt this powerless. This useless.
She curls a finger under my chin, urging me to look her in her eyes. Wrinkles burrow into her skin. Exhaustion plucks at her eyes, at her downturned mouth. "You were strong enough to leave your home when you needed to. You are strong enough to face all the reasons you left. It doesn't need to be tonight, or tomorrow. You'll know when the time is right. All you need to do is trust that you are capable of it."
I'm nodding, and trying like hell not to cry. Every moment I spend with her is precious, and I won't waste a moment crying. There will be time for that later.
She wraps me in a hug, into her body that used to have enough breadth to envelop me but now feels fragile. She smells of cinnamon gum and Red Door, and my heart fractures prematurely.
"I love you, honey," she says against my head.
"I love you too, Grandma."
She keeps me there, cocooned, until Rainbow interrupts. "Pardon me, Ophelia, but it's time for your medicine." She holds out her phone, where an alarm blinks.
"Yes, yes," Grandma says, letting me go.
I don't want her to release me. I want to be nine and in her kitchen with my sister, begging her to leave raw onions out of the tuna fish salad and listening to her lecture me on how it won't kill me to eat an onion.
I walk with Rainbow and my grandma to reception, and when I take a step for the elevators, they go in the opposite direction.
"Aren't you going upstairs?" I point above my head.
Rainbow's shoulders shake with suppressed mirth, and I narrow my eyes. Did I miss the joke?
"Fuck no," Grandma says. "We're sleeping in the motor home. Haven't you heard? This place is haunted."
I want to laugh, but I'm afraid it will devolve into tears. "Oh, Grandma. You really are savage."
She blows me a kiss, and I watch the two of them disappear through the front door. For the first time on this trip, I am grateful Grandma has Rainbow.
When I step off the elevator on floor three, Dom is there, peeking his head from the open door of room 306.
He reaches for me, pulling me inside and closing the door with his foot. "That was the third time I looked out there for you. I told myself the third time would be the charm." He looks into my eyes, and his happy expression disappears. "Are you ok?"
"She's dying." The admittance feels like defeat. The longer I put off saying the words out loud, the longer I could refuse their truth.
"Yes." Dom's voice is gentle, nearing apologetic. "I wish I could take this pain away from you. I wish I could feel it the way you do, so you don't have to."
Pressing my face to his chest, I tell him, "My grandma said that you want to exist in my orbit."
My head moves with the ripple of his chest as he chuckles. "She's right. That's why I gave my boss an ultimatum earlier. So I can exist in your orbit."
I step back, my sadness overshadowed by my surprise. "What?"
"I asked her if I can start a new arm of the agency in Phoenix. If not, I quit and I'm going to open up my own shop."
"Dom, are you serious?" It's the last thing I expected. Something I hadn't dared consider. But now that I know it's a possibility, I want it. Badly. Dom and I in the same city? Nothing sounds better. My hand presses to my chest, an attempt to contain my heart. It's galloping from my chest, overwhelmed with the notion Dom would do something so big for me.
"Cecily, this road trip is a fever dream. It's close quarters and high emotion and complex family dynamics. When it comes to you and me, I want to give us the best chance. Long distance, especially after an experience like this, doesn't accomplish that. I am desperately in love with you and I'd like to give all that I have to making this work."
YES. Yes one thousand times. I push him backward until he sinks onto the bed.
I scramble onto his lap, pressing myself against him as if I could soak into his skin. Diffuse him into my bloodstream. Have I ever been like this? Never. I want to put my mouth on him, and my hands. I want to sit under his gaze and listen to the details of his day. I want to drink blueberry mojitos with him on a Saturday afternoon, then go back to my place and make love, the slow kind where he rocks between my legs and our noses brush.
"Dom—"
He's shaking his head, quieting me. "Don't say it back. Not yet." His lips skim mine. Back and forth. Torturous. "Don't say it now when you're dealing with everything else this road trip requires of you. Save it for some other time, when everythingthat has your attention now has subsided. I'll still be here, Chestnut. I'll be beside you. Tell me then."
