"I invited you over here for queso, not to hear your opinion."
Vivi reaches up over the couch and smacks me hard on the rear. "I think what you're doing for your mom is very kind, and also very stupid."
I wheeze. "Rude."
"We don't have time to tap dance around your feelings." She waves a chip in the air. "There will be no circling the maze that is your heart, trying to get to the center. We're gonna have to parachute right in."
I nod. "Proceed."
"Does Penn love you?"
"Love? I don't know about that. It hasn't been enough time. I know he cares for me though."
"Do you love Penn?"
I squirm. Bite my lip. Think about how happy I feel when he smiles. "Maybe? I don't know."
Vivi nods solemnly. "Ok, got it. You're getting dirty on the hood of a truck, but you're pussyfooting around about your feelings." A glint appears in her eyes. "Did you see what I did there?"
"Very funny," I retort.
Vivi grows serious. "Daisy, I remember when you were friends with Penn. I remember what he meant to you, and how devastated you were when he left. You're adults now, and maybe it hasn't been that much time, but I think you owe it to yourself to really consider what it is you're doing with Duke. Don't think about your mom, don't think about yourself in one year, or two years. Think about yourself in five years, in ten, in twenty. What does that look like for you?"
I don't have to look out that far to know the picture is grim. But how do I give it all up? If I reverse course now, I'll not only be not fulfilling my mom's dream, but taking it away from her also. Two strikes with the same sword. How could I possibly do that?
Vivi pushes herself to stand. She looks down at me, sad and slightly pathetic in the fetal position. "I can see I've given you a lot to think about."
"Vivi, I don't know what to do."
She reaches for me, digging a hand under my shoulder and hauling me upright. "You're in a tough spot, but lucky for you, you're a tough cookie." Hands grasping my shoulders, she bends at the waist so she can look me in the eyes. "I'm not going to let you sit here all night and worry yourself sick. So, you can eithercome with me and help with the bedtime routine, or you can find Crazy Cliff and ask if he wants to play a game of hopscotch."
"What?" I laugh incredulously. "What kind of an alternative is that?"
"I need help with bedtime, so I gave you an alternative you were unlikely to choose."
"You're incorrigible."
She urges me up. "I don't know what that means, but I'll take it."
The temperature has dropped, so I grab a sweatshirt and lace my arms through. "Duke said the most interesting thing to me the other day," I say, popping my head through the top of the sweatshirt.
Vivi's eyebrows are raised, waiting.
"He said you're in love with Ambrose."
Vivi rolls her eyes. "It's a good thing Duke's handsome, because he sure is a dum-dum."
She marches through the front door, but her response is one I note in the back of my mind. So often we are unable to see what is obvious to others.
I follow Vivi back to Summerhill, and spend the evening overseeing slippery small humans in bathtubs. We make words out of rubbery letters that stick to the tub, and shape hats from soap suds, and the kids run bare-bottomed through the house as we chase them with towels.
It's the perfect evening with my best friend. A great way to take me out of my head, delivering a much needed reminder that although the situation I'm in doesn't have an easy way out, there are far worse places to be.
Chapter 42
Penn
Hugoand I have agreed to meet for dinner after the play rehearsal. He sent me the address for a sports bar called Hen Pecked, which is a damn clever name.
