"What does a person look like when they're holding themselves back?"
"It's hard to explain, because there's not really a physical tell. It's more"—he motions to his eyes—"emotional. Something in the eyes."
"How would you know this?"
Duke's gaze lands on me, something fluttering in eyes as brown as mine. As quickly as it appears, it is gone. But I saw it. I recognized it. Duke is keeping a secret, too.
"Is there somebody you hold yourself back from?"
Duke looks out the window to the lit neon sign with the mermaid balanced on her tail, arms thrown in the air. "Maybe."
Something suddenly occurs to me, and I can't believe we've never broached the subject before. "Duke, have you thought about how we're going to satisfy our, uh,baserdesires once we're married?"
This gets his attention back on me. "No. Somehow that managed to slip my mind. I was mostly focused on getting my dad off my back."
"I haven't thought about it either, not until recently."
"Until the pirate, you mean?"
"Pirate?"
"Peter, sailing the high seas?"
"I don't believe he pillaged and plundered." Though I'll admit to having imagined him doing both to me.
"Are you asking for a…" His eyes roam the interior of the vehicle as he searches for a word. "Dalliance?"
"A...dalliance?" I try on a word I don't think I've used before. The offer takes shape in my mind, the logistics lining up for consideration. Would it be one and done? Would once be enough? I doubt that, if the way I felt in Peter's arms today is any indication.
How would Peter feel about it? He thinks my engagement is for real. He doesn't seem like the kind of person who would be ok being the other man. I'd have to tell him the truth about me and Duke, or at least partially. But... it could work. I mean, maybe. Could it?
I close my eyes and shake my head back and forth in a tiny motion. What am I really considering? This is ludicrous. A hall pass from my fiancé I'm not in love with? What world am I living in?
"It doesn't have to be with Peter," Duke adds. "I mean, in general. It's ok."
I'm still reeling from our conversation, but I'm trying to keep up. "And you? Can you have a dalliance with whoever you're holding yourself back from?"
Duke is shaking his head no before I've finished the sentence. "It's not like that with her. She lives here."
I gasp. "It's Vivi!"
Duke makes a putrid face. "Absolutely not."
"Hey," I say, affronted. "What's wrong with my best friend? She's a babe."
"For starters, I'm not attracted to her. But also, she's in love with Ambrose and doesn't know it."
"I know everything there is to know about Vivi," I inform him, proud and sassy. It's a best friend thing. "She is not in love with Ambrose. She would have told me."
Duke gives me a playful, exasperated look. "Hence why I said she doesn't know it yet."
"Duke Cartwright Hampton, are you really Cupid under those perfectly tailored clothes and obnoxiously swoopy hair?"
I reach out to flick one of his locks, but he bats my hand away. "Swoopy is not a word."
"It is when it comes to you."
Duke rolls his eyes, and when he lowers them, he notices a group of people nearby. They're just about to walk in front of his car, so he reaches over, cupping the back of my head and moving me in closer to him. My hair falls forward, providing us coverage. We've done this so many times that at this point we've shed the awkwardness of that first time.
